MY STYLE TODAY

 

HEADING FOR SALAT 😀

I WAS LATE THOU *covers face*

PEPLUM TOP BY M’ADE

This purple organza lace, is an ASO-EBI well i bought this one because it was one of my sweet client’s wedding, the peplum top is a by-product of the wedding dress (post pictures later) M’ADE designed for her. *money no fit waste* since i missed the wedding, i hope wearing it now isnt too late.

The peplum top is available for order thou *wink*

you may also like this 😀

 

 

ASO EBI palava

Aso-Ebi MADNESS! – A Personal Encounter

I’ll start by clearing up some things; I’ve never been married and I am not engaged so I write this purely from one side of the aisle. I’ve reached the age where everyone around me seems to be getting engaged and even the chronic non-wedding goers like me is forced to attend a few. So imagine my discomfort when I reluctantly decided to attend the wedding of an old school friend and she mentioned that she would send her driver to drop off the aso ebi. Aso- Ebi literally means clothes of the family and I concede that it has evolved to include close friends as well, but I mean, I was not one of her close friends anymore and I felt and still feel that aso ebi should be for your inner-circle of friends.
Anyway, I decided to buy it to support her and since she mentioned that it was Ankara and Aso Oke, I figured it wouldn’t cost me much. I couldn’t have been more WRONG! After her driver dropped it off, I called to find out how much it cost so I could send the money over and she said “Ah just 17 k, I didn’t want to pick expensive aso ebi like other brides I know”. I was dumbfounded. 17,000 Nigerian Naira for Ankara and aso oke??? What really baffled me was that she thought it was cheap. I returned her aso ebi and explained that I couldn’t make the wedding anymore because of family commitments but I did use part of the 17,000 I would have spent to get her a gift.
Can somebody please tell me why brides feel because it is their special day it is everyone else’s as well? For real? Boo, you are a princess to your man alone. Please don’t bankrupt your poor friends because you want to top person X, Y or Z’s aso ebi. My irritation with this issue is well known and I keep hoping someone will tell me something different but instead I hear outrageous stories of 50,000 naira asoebi and even asoebi as high as 80,000. Most of these brides are not even working yet let alone their friends.

I’ve been told that the sale of aso ebi is a way for some brides to raise money for the wedding. To those brides I say: please have the type of wedding your family can afford. DO NOT have your friends pay for your wedding. What is really wrong with our society? Why do we keep turning beautiful aspects of our culture into perverse displays of our greed and fake lifestyles? Aso Ebi was born in the tradition of family members wearing similar clothes to show support for the celebrant. It is not a money making scheme. Remember, not everyone in a family can afford exorbitant prices for clothes and I am sorry (I know I’m going to get heat for this) but it takes away from the whole point when you see two levels of asoebi in one family; one for the rich folks and one for the poorer relatives. I am not referring to situations where there is aso-ebi for young people and one for the older folks; I’m talking about when your cousin Shola or Nneka’s mum is wearing the aso-ebi you picked for members of your staff because the one you chose for so called “family members” is too expensive for them.
It is only fair that I say something to the people who encourage this behaviour. To all FRIENDS, it is okay to tell your friend that her aso-ebi is too expensive. In fact, tell her that I said you will not be bullied into spending half of your salary for her aso-ebi in addition to buying her a bridal shower gift and wedding present. I understand that we get caught up in the euphoria that our friend is finally going to the Promised Land (her hubby’s house) but as friends it is important to call each other to order. For those who go along just to belong… your issue is one for another post.
So, to my yet to be married ladies, please remember that though your wedding day is important, your marriage is most important. Do not bow to pressure from your mum or one of your aunts that sells lace or anyone else for that matter. When picking asoebi, remember that your friends can only wear it for one day. They love you and want to celebrate with you so reciprocate that love by being considerate of their finances.

Related articles

• Aso-ebi – Group Therapy or Groove Theory? (woahnigeria.wordpress.com)
• When you see the Yorubas…………. (faramic.wordpress.com)

lets just be fwends

Can men and women be JUST friends?/Can men and women go back to being friends after dating/a relationship?

I just finished meditating. I meditate twice a day for 15 minutes each. I have made this part of my daily routine and have found the benefits of it to be amazing so far and I believe the more I practice the more benefits I will feel/see. I am rambling about this because I should be focused on my project but whenever I come out of meditation I always feel creative and inspired. The thoughts come rushing into my head.  This blog I believe becomes truer and truer day by day because I am able to open up more due to the lessening of stress I feel.

Anyhow, there wasn’t a significant point to that rambling except for my wanting to share. I believe feeling good can be infectious so I guess part of me wanted to put it out there. As far as the above question goes…hmmmmm…..well it is an age old one that is for sure. Can men and women be friends? Can men and women go back to being friends after dating/being in a relationship? Honestly, I really don’t know. I think most people would say yes but I am unsure.

In regards to men (guys) and women(gals) being just friends I do think it is possible. I also think though that a lot is dependent on the type of relationship the two people have. If a male and female spend a lot of time together, doing various things (watching games, going to bars, going to the beach, etc) I do believe at some point there is a solid chance that one will become attracted to the other. A part of me feels that we are built in a way that either draws us closer to someone of the opposite sex or pushes us further away (either because we aren’t attracted to them or because we are and we know it will never happen so we abandon the situation). There are very few guys in my life that I would consider close friends that at some point I did not feel an attraction to at some point. I have had a male roommate and I do look at him as a close friend  but when we first met and became roommates(at a conference) I admit that the thought did ponder my mind about a romantic or intimate relationship. I felt attracted to him but was unsure of what my feelings really were. I pushed the thought out of my head and I still have remained friends with him (the thought of being with him in any physical or romantic way now is not even a possibility) but at that time I realized I needed to keep my life separate in certain ways from his. I needed to focus more on me in order to not get all wrapped up in that kind of situations. So, yes, we are friends but there are boundaries I make sure to never cross. I guess what I am saying is that men and women can be friends but it usually goes along with more rules and regulations.

I can’t believe I am going to admit this (thank goodness I do not use names) but at one time, probably a year and a half back, I had a male friend that I would go to happy hour with and just chill with from time to time. It sounds kind of mean but he was kind of the guy I went to when nothing else was going on and I was itching to get out of the house. This guy is nice but we would not be compatible in the least. He is your stereotypical engineer nerd (yes he even says that about himself) and our personalities are soooooo extremely different. I am bubbly and silly and loud and he is more analytical and “know it all”. We are not a match even a little bit. Our personalities worked together in certain situations. One night we had a party and I admit that the alcohol was flowing. In a mere moment I found myself attracted to him. The thought of him being snuggled up to me in bed entered my mind. The next day I was in complete denial that I ever felt that. I kept telling myself that thought could not have possibly entered my mind. I know to this day I would never want to be with him but for a minute (or maybe for more than a minute and a few drinks) I felt it. I am telling you this because I believe at some point or another, if a man or a woman has a friend of the opposite sex there will come a time they will find themselves attracted to them( maybe that’s why my male friend’s girlfriends don’t like me- duh). I guess what matters the most is how that person reacts to that feeling. I believe 100% at some point or another my roommate considered me in some way or another. I am sure it was just a passing thought but I guarantee it was there. The good thing about us is that there is not a chance we would act on it because we have seen each other so much and know each other so well now that any attraction or romantic/physical possibilities has ceased. I feel like I keep contradicting my answer. See why I said I don’t know. :0)

What I do know (well what I believe, I can’t really say know) is that men and women being friends after dating/a relationship is very rare. The chances of a long-term successful friendship after being involved is slim to none(except they do not see). I believe that it is a form of regression if people try to be friends after being romantically involved. Obviously, if two people have been romantically involved then there is attraction there. Attraction doesn’t simply go away. If it does go away then I believe that there is a good chance you don’t even want to be around that person anymore. I think people need time to heal and explore themselves and potentially meet someone else when the time is right and maybe after enough time has passes then two people that have been romantically involved may be able to become friends again but I still have doubts about it.there was a time i tried bonding with my ex but Friendship was  not an option because i was too drawn to him romantically and physically and the idea of him being with another girl just tore me up. There was no way I could accept that. He said he believed he would seek me out after all was said and done with his breakup and who knows if that day will ever come but I realized that keeping him in my life right now was not going to be healthy for me…and most likely not for him either. I knew deep down that I would be constantly hoping that things would take a turn and he would realize that I was truly what he wanted and he would forget everything else and just dive in.

I finally stopped dreaming and realized I could not live like that. So, through my experiences, and in my opinion, I do not think it is healthy for two people to “try” and remain friends after a break up. I am not implying they should be arch enemies by any means but I do think that people need their space and time away from each other to regain their independence and their individuality. During those times is when you realize what is truly important to you and if a relationship ends like that then long-term was never meant to be. I may be a die-hard romantic and a dreamer but I truly believe that when it is right it is right…there won’t be a whole bunch of breaking up and getting back together, there won’t be the question of whether to date other people, there won’t be an issue of timing. When it is right, in my opinion, there are no questions and no doubts. A friendship later could be possible but I think initially is not the right time.

What do you think?

my breakup letter

If there is anything I have learnt from being in a relationship, it is the fact that a lot of times, once one partner realizes the other loves him/her, he/she begins to act out. What is it with them? I have taken the time to write a letter of anger to my partner who thinks life will not go on without him in my life.

My Dear, It has been months since we started this sick, twisted, strange and perverted saga that we stupidly call a relationship, and I am yet to see the benefits. Ok, maybe there has been some benefits (in the beginning and a little now), but the fact that we have both invested reasonable amounts of our time into this will not stop me from putting a screeching halt to it. I did it before and I will proudly and happily do it again without a second thought. This is exactly what happened between me and my ex; as soon as he realized I was in love with him and dependent on him, he decided to start malfunctioning. Yes, I said it… malfunctioning.
You always say how much you love me and how much you want to spend the rest of your life with me, but instead, all you do is break my heart every chance you get. Either that or you embarrass me in private or in public. I have tried so hard to make this work just because I love you. I take your insults and inadequacies simply because I love you and also because I foolishly think you will change. Every time you mess up, you apologize, I take you back and you do it again. In case you have not noticed, you’re not the only man out there, so if you are not ready to commit to me in the manner that I deserve, then I advice you find love some place else.
Tell me, what is it you want that I have not given you? What is it that I have not done for you? You are with me practically 24/7 (in thought), so you cannot possibly say I abandon you. You are the first person I talk to when I wake up, and the last person I talk to before I go to bed. I cater to you like all men wish their women would do, and I have never for one day mistreated you. I respond to your every need no matter when, where, and how. I find myself doing things that I never thought I would do, yet you have the effrontery to treat me like I’m nothing. Why? Did you find someone else? Are you in love with someone else? It is only a matter of time before she realizes what a pain you are and will continue to be. You’re a liability and I am sick and tired of your instability. You either change or we are over… for real this time. I was brought on this earth for many reasons; you are not my sole purpose and mission on earth. God put me on earth to be many things to many people; I am my parents’ daughter, I am my friends’ friend, I will be somebody’s wife, I will be the mother of some future children, I will be the author of the book someone will be reading in the future, I am a youth corper, I am a NOKIA customer, and I am even a Yahoo! and MSN account holder, so you see, you’re really not even my priority.

😀
So my dear blackberry touch, if you think you can keep tripping off when you feel like it or not ringing when you don’t feel like it, then you have another thing coming for you. For your information, you are not the only phone out there; yes, AT&T has other mobile phones, there is androids and many new Samsung, even apple is killing me to empty my bank account, just wait till AUGUST when I’m due for an upgrade… I will really show you!

:p told ya’ll am single, what were you expecting? huh? HAVE TWISTLESS TUESDAY!

 

Related articles

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• A Short Letter to my Friend’s Ex (singleinwonderland.wordpress.com)
• Taylor Swift Helps Selena Get Over Breakup (1015jamz.cbslocal.com)
• Breakup Advice: What’s Your Greatest Piece Of Advice For Someone Going Through A Split? (huffingtonpost.com)

Qualities of Attract-ion

Well, it is official, I am sick, i have been feeling a lot under the weather these days and my oxygen-routine changed,a situation where you get to feel under pressure at night and more relaxed during the day causing you to sleep more during the day, it could be a symptom to many things ( even pregnancy- will you criticize me if i am?). have been too lazy and even grown more nonchalant to see a doctor (very much against what i preach), no production through out last week, no new designs and i didn’t write anything until today.

Anyhow, in my clouded haze I stumbled upon the question of attraction. I wanted to pose the question in a manner that was not directly linked to romantic attraction. In my opinion, attraction is the sense of being drawn to someone whether it be because of the way they look or their mannerisms. Many things can attract one person to another. How many times have you encountered someone you may not find physically appealing but once they speak and engage in conversation you find that you are attracted to their person…to their being. You may not necessarily feel a romantic connection but you feel a desire to be around them.

There are a ton of qualities I find attractive in people. Confidence (confidence not cockiness or arrogance) is probably one of the most attractive qualities a person can have. When a person is obviously secure with themselves they exude a natural happiness in life. I love to be around people like this because it makes me feel like they are living their ultimate bliss. I believe in the law of attraction as well so I choose to surround myself with people like this as often as I can.

The ability to make people smile and to treat people with a great amount of respect to draw people in. These are some of the most attractive qualities that a person can hold within themselves. These are the qualities that attracts me to others and make me want to build relationships with people. Times have changed though. Society has changed and media has emerged in a way that has (at least I believe) has made us lose those personal connections with each other. When I find qualities like this in a person, I hold onto them with dear life. These qualities portray a sense of balance. In this crazed world, if a person is able to keep up with media and technology but still maintain personal relationships on deep levels then I am hooked.

People are all so different and that is what makes life so interesting to me. I have been drawn to complete strangers because of only mere words they have spoken or body language that portrays passion and desire.…some of these things may cause romantic(wink wink) feelings in me while others may cause a desire to want to get to know the person more and hear more about their lives and adventures.

Creative / artistic -I am absolutely drawn to people that love creating in some way or another-whether it be through writing, painting or music. Someone that exudes passion in a creative form.

Physical appearance– i am strongly attracted to either a girl or boy/man by their looks, i keep a lot of people just because they amuse and interest me just by their looks, dressing, appearance and carriage, it actually helps me to want to look better. For guys- especially heights, i can hug YOU till the next full moon.

Kindness-It may seem like an obvious thing to be attracted to but kindness comes in many forms. I am attracted to people that perform kind acts naturally, without even realizing that they are doing it. A simple gesture of remembering something about yesterday and asking or asking if you had breakfast. hmm…

Goal-getter: in a way if you are an achiever or someone that pursues goals, you automatically have my heart, i can easily forgive your shortcomings because this alone carries a lot of burden and confidence.

Humor-If you can make me laugh and make me feel like I have a hanger stuck in my mouth from smiling so much then I will 100% be attracted to you as a person.

Adventurous-I chose this quality because sometimes I am not as adventurous as I wish I was and when I encounter people that are it drives me to step outside of my comfort zone.

Happiness-I am so ridiculously drawn to happy people. I am drawn to people that see the silver lining majority of the time. I am drawn to people that do not let the stresses and struggles control them. I do not like people who are always sad and always have bad things to say about things, because i am a strong believer of  “laws of attraction“.

Eager-This is broad but I guess what I mean is I find eagerness for learning to be very attractive. I have such a thirst for knowledge and love meeting others that do too because then I am able to learn even more. I am allowed the gift of a different perspective.

Digression– I am not in anyway attracted to quiet people, I am a big, fat talker and quiet people with cold eyes make it very easy to make you feel bad about being a talkative and the fact that they can easily tell word for word what you have just said makes it even worse, I am afraid of them actually, because silence can mean a lot of things and if I’m not able to figure you out then i cant be close to you.

There are other qualities (many other qualities) that people have drawn me in with. Attraction is a concept in which we tend to label in the manner of romance but in truth we are all attracted to each other in some way or another whether we are friends, lovers or even complete strangers.

Friend with Benefits

I find the notion of “friends with benefits” (FWB) or people who aren’t dating or otherwise committed to each other but hook-up regularly quite fascinating. In university, I had many friends who were involved in such arrangements, but rarely were they actually friends with their FWB. In almost every instance that I recall a FWB relationship was never the goal, but always the last resort for the girl. If a girl really liked a guy who wasn’t interested in a relationship, the girl would often continue to hook-up with him while implementing a subtle and devious plan designed to change his mind. This plan was generally as follows:

Stage 1: Girl engages in “no strings-attached” sex with the boy in order to prove how cool, chill, and awesome in bed she is.

Stage 2: Girl increases amount of daily texts and online communication with the boy.

Stage 3: Girl begins sneakily trying to spend the night at boy’s place. Excuses may include “I’m so exhausted, you totally wore me out…do you mind if I just spend the night here?” or “My roommate is having her crazy loud friends over again- last time they didn’t leave until 4 am and I really need a good night’s sleep…can I just crash here?” Cue the incessant spooning.

Stage 4: Now that girl has established a somewhat regular nightly presence at the boy’s place it’s time to make that presence known. If the boy has room mates the girl will be mingling with them while they awkwardly try to make their morning coffee. At this stage the girl will also become territorial over the boy’s bedroom. She will try to leave subtle reminders of her presence to ward off any other potential women that the boy may be involved with.
I have had so many guys ask me why girls are so forgetful: “Don’t they realize that they’re missing like five pairs of underwear, a t-shirt, their toothbrush, a comb, and a bunch of lotion-type-girly stuff I have no idea about?” Oh yes, they realize. They know exactly what they’re doing. They want any other girl that you bring home to know that you’re already more seriously involved with someone else. A guy could go weeks without noticing the earrings that were strategically forgotten on the night stand or the issue of Cosmopolitan that has miraculously appeared in the bathroom along with a pile of potpourri, but trust me, these things will not go unnoticed by other women.

Stage 5: Since the domicile has been effectively canvassed, it’s time to take this show on the road and start being “accidentally spotted” together with the boy in public. Cue the emergency ride to class, the “I’m starving, want to grab breakfast…at the most jam-packed place in town where ALL of our friends hang out?” And my personal favorite…the fake-a-date emergency. This is a classic and is not novice move. In this scenario there is some semi-formal event like a dance, a company function, a wedding- something that you would typically require a date. The novice will ask her boy to accompany her “just for fun- not as a couple or anything.” The boy will see right through this and will immediately decline by giving her the first excuse that pops into his head. The expert will create an entire back-story, and will often start laying the groundwork weeks before hand. For instance, a couple of weeks before said event she may mention that she has invited someone to attend with her. If no signs of jealousy from the boy ensue, a few days later she may mention how her invitee is starting to get clingy- she may even be starting to get concerned that he’ll want a relationship. If her boy toy still makes no attempt to intervene there will inevitably be a dramatic event that leads to her breaking the date. Maybe the invitee did something completely inappropriate (points for acting like you have self-respect) or perhaps he was just way too into her (points for being irresistible AND for being too cool to commit). Now she’s without a date to the event, all because she is just a cool, chill, fun girl who likes to have casual sex! No fair…”Maybe we should just go together,” she’ll say to her FWB. “That way we won’t be expecting anything from one another and we’ll just get drunk and party…I mean we’re both going anyway, why not just carpool and save money on gas and parking?” Seems reasonable, thinks the boy. He might be sweating a bit but reluctantly agrees because you can’t argue with logic (#1 boy rule- just FYI ladies). Here’s where it gets messy. The girl spends an unreasonable amount of money and time getting all dolled up to blow his mind and stealthily instructs ALL of her friends to take tons of photos (both candid and posed) of her and her FWB to later post, tag, like, and comment on later on Facebook. They get to the event and it’s like they’ve been hunted down by the paparazzi. But it only gets better, because that’s when alcohol gets involved. The boy drinks because he is started to realize what a terrible mistake he’s made and the girl drinks so that she’ll have an excuse for all of the shenanigans she is about to pull. First comes that “hahaha omg I’m so drunk, I’m going to hold on to you so I don’t fall” then comes the “let’s dance! It will be so fun! Oh how embarrassing…I didn’t know it was going to be a slow song…” and the inevitable “Let’s take a picture…OH WHOOPS I kissed your cheek…total accident, my bad” (as she uploads it as her new Facebook profile picture).

Stage 6: Boy realizes he has made a terrible mistake and decides that it’s time to reevaluate the relationship with his FWB. Maybe the boy will just stop talking to her completely, or maybe he will continue to see her but will flaunt his escapades with other women in front of her to make sure that she knows that they are in no way monogamous. Either way, the girl usually ends up crying on the phone to me about it. “I don’t know why he is acting this way! It was more than just sex…I know he cared about me…I think it just got too real for him.”

The message here ladies is that a FWB arrangement is not an effective solution for getting a boy to commit to you. However, it does raise an intriguing question: If a girl was to enter into a FWB arrangement purely for the purpose of getting some action, with no hopes at all of having a traditional relationship evolve, could it work? I have read articles that claim that women experience a biological reaction post-sex that causes them to have feelings of attachment that mimic those of love for their partner. If this is true, and women really are simply victims to the girly chemicals in their brains, then it seems that a FWB arrangement could never be a solution for sexual satisfaction without those pesky emotional attachments. I am hesitant however, to accept this seemingly sexist and weakly supported science. Being attracted to someone is not the same as having feelings for them, and having sex is not the same as being in love. What do you think? Can friends with benefits arrangements actually be beneficial for girls?

Credits: K