when u go marry?

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God does not give me the option of getting older without turning plus one. I want to get older; I want to be more mature; I want to be wiser; I want to get the experience one only gets by spending more time on earth, but I do not necessarily want my age to go higher – at least not at the rate that it goes. Perhaps, I will feel better if it took eighteen months to turn plus one instead of twelve months.
I am not a child, and I do not wish to go back to my childhood; however, I am really just a kid at heart. The thought of being married excites me; the thought of having a man to call my own fascinates me; the thought of having children that come out of me thrills me, but even more than all that, the thought of leaving my parents terrifies me. Yes, I want to start a family of my own, but I still want to live with my mommy. Who will rub my back when I am feeling down? Who will rub my feet? Who will play with my hair? The probability that my husband will do all these is not very high – unless my husband happens to not be Nigerian which is highly unlikely. I am tempted to get into all the reasons why my mother might be a more romantic husband, but I will save that for another day.
The older I become, the more often I hear that question that no girl ever wants to hear (especially if she does not know the answer to it), “so when are you getting married?” My best friend is getting married in a month’s time, another got married today a few married last month and I have stopped telling people about it because it always leads them to ask me the question I do not want to hear. I do not know when I will be getting married. I do not know how I will be proposed to. I do not know where or when I will be proposed to. But most importantly, I do not know to whom I will be getting married. But no one asks me who I will be getting married to; everyone is concerned about when.
Things have gotten so bad that my mother’s friends’ husband gave my number to his friend who has a son. He told me all the supposed good things about his friend’s son – he is in the military (is that supposed to be a good thing? I hear the military guys are all whores); he flies planes for the military (Oh great! In addition to possibly being hit by a stray bullet, he also runs the risk of dying in a plane crash); he is Hausa (so what? I hear they do not make them like they used to anymore. But then again, were they ever really that good?); he is in med school (how nice! I can look forward to my potential husband spending all his time in the hospital. And let us not forget the student loans), but my He failed to tell me if his friend’s son was single and looking. I guess all that mattered was the relationship between my father and his father.
I concluded that the guy would have to be really desperate to actually call me. I mean, what would he say when he calls me? “Hi, my name is —, and I got your number from my father who got it from your father who said we should mingle and see where this might lead to.” Yeah, there goes the introduction I have been waiting for all my life. I did not expect him to call; he never did call, and my mind forgot the issue. But then months later, my father asked me if he had called, and that was when I remembered him. I am ashamed to admit this, but a part of me was sad. Why did he not call?? He should have at least called to hear my voice. He should have at least considered the possibility of God working in mysterious ways. Yes, indeed, I am pathetic, I know. So that was how my relationship with the flying military man in med school ended before it got a chance to start.
Like I stated earlier, my friend is getting married in a month’s time; another close friend of mine got married this Saturday (October 20th 2012), and yet another friend is getting married in December. Everyone has been asking the same question, and I am sick and tired of saying I do not know. Besides, saying I do not know only prompts the one asking to ask another unanswerable question, “Why now?” What the heck?! I can go ahead and explain to anyone who cares to hear that I have an idea of what I want my wedding gown to look like; I know the exact engagement and wedding ring I want; I know where I want to do my traditional marriage; I know what I want the ceremony to be like; I know what I want the Nikkah wedding to look like; I know what kind of marriage I want to share with my husband, and I even have an idea of the songs we will play that day, the names of our children, and how many I want to look like me (I want at least one boy and one girl to look like me)!
In fact, I also know that I want five children (including a set of twins and two adopted). I am so sure of my twins that I have secretly started calling myself Mama Ejima or Mama Ibeji. Yes, I have claimed it already. All I need now is the ‘who’, but no one is asking me that. I guess all that matters is that I know when I will be getting married. Finding the ‘who’ should not be too difficult seeing as I have thousands of men knocking my door down and asking my parents for permission to pluck the ripe flower in their garden. Yeah, right!

My friend, who has been single since i know her now thinks because she has one guy doing her is feeling different. Suddenly, her new wave of ‘manfullness’ has given her the confidence to have pity on me. She said she will help me out of my predicament. I did not even know I had a predicament!
How am I supposed to tell people when I will be getting married if I do not even have a man to propose? Or am I supposed to propose to myself and marry myself? That would actually not be such a terrible idea since I consider myself the best partner anyone can ever dream of (wink) , but I cannot afford the ring I want. Besides, I kind of need a man to have the five children that I plan on having, and going to a sperm bank is out of the question. Another perk of getting married is the tax breaks that married couples get. Who does not want or need a tax break? I know I do. Oh well, I guess I would just have to wait for my darling to show up. I have to say it is taking him a mighty long time to get here, but with all the humidity and global warming occurring, transportation must have slowed down. That is my story, and I am sticking to it.
Of course, if I could have a meeting with God, I would suggest He creates a Custom-M’ade Spouse program – a program in which people – men and women alike – can create their partner just as they want him or her. But I know this is merely a fantasy that will never come to pass. But if for any reason God decides to create such a program, I will not mind being the first to utilize it. Heaven knows I am in dire need of it. Until then however, I will just have to wait for my darling like every other woman out there.

So when am I getting married? Beats me. But if you find out, do let me know,

kindly comment and share, thanks

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why didnt he call back?- male perspectives

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It’s a story as old as time…you meet a great guy, have a “perfect” first date, and then you never hear from him again. Some girls spend weeks waiting by the phone and agonizing over what possibly could have caused him to forget their 90 minutes of awesomeness. So I decided that the most efficient way to dust off this cold-case file and crack this age-old mystery would be to go straight to the source of confusion and mercilessly grill a man for answers. My friend Stephen, offered to martyr himself for this cause, and contributed the article below even though i didnt tell him.

So let’s break down the Top 10 thoughts of what us males are thinking and the reasons behind it.

1.You Look NOTHING Like Your Online Dating Profile

Fellas, if the girl has some funky ass “twitter” or bbm angle in her profile picture or if it’s dated: turn and run. There is usually a very real reason why the picture is from different angles, dated or overloaded with silly photo effects. Not trying to be mean here but if you’re guilty of the “twitter” pose, that’s false advertising. And guys, don’t think you’re getting off scot free on this, I’ve seen my fair share of guys posing from different angles, or taken in the mirror. You look stupid fellas, show your personality not your biceps. Either way, for both sexes, look at it like this – If we were standing in line somewhere, let’s say at a store, and we made eye-contact and you didn’t find yourself sexually attracted to me, would you be inclined to start a conversation with me and give me your number at the end of our chat? Odds are on probably not. So if you opt for the online dating option, make sure you update your profile picture and that it looks like you!

2.Blah Blah Blah

Cell phones and females go hand in hand. But if you’re out on a first date, set your phone on vibrate. There is NOTHING more annoying than being in the middle of dinner and your phone goes off…followed by you answering it and talking to your girlfriend about meaningless shit that can wait. We like the attention that being out with you gives us and it generally pisses us off and leads to observing you in a different light if you are on the phone constantly during the date.

3.”Am I Paying For Dinner Or Your Services?”

Ladies, us guys understand that you’re blessed with certain “assets” that us males are not. Don’t get me wrong, we appreciate the eye-candy, but if we are looking for a potential relationship with you, there is nothing that will make me high-tail it outta there faster than if you show up with those “assets” hanging out on full display and you are blatantly checking out other guys in the venue. I realize I have probably broken Man-Law here by telling you lovely ladies to cover up, especially on the first date, but we want respectable girls, not the ones that are looked at as “red-light” quality. Now we aren’t asking that you show up in a hoodie and covered up like you’re in the arctic. There ARE other options that you can rock without looking like you should be swinging off of a pole. Think about it girls, would you like to meet a guy for the first date and he shows up in a shirt unbuttoned to his bare stomach and seemingly painted on pants? Doesn’t seem too classy does it?

4. The Lion King Soundtrack Theory

If we are out for dinner and it looks like you’re humming the words of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” in your head, I’m looking for ANY excuse to end that date IMMEDIATELY. I’ve said this numerous times in the past, I KNOW I’m not the best looking guy in the world, but I do realize that some women out there find me good-looking or borderline Fabio-eqse (minus the gloriously epic flowing mane and accent), but if we are in conversation and I notice your eyes glaze over and you “fall into a trance” looking at me, that just fires up red flag rockets left right and centre. Yes, it’s nice to feel attractive, but if you’re already imagining a life together after the first date; don’t expect a phone call.

5. Did You Just…

We realize that ladies try their hardest to act like ladies all the time. But nothing kills the first date mood than “accidentally letting one go” that is audible enough to echo in the Grand Canyon. This should obviously go without saying and we realize that accidents do happen. But if possible, please try and excuse yourself from our conversation and do your business somewhere else. Guys, this goes for you too… You may laugh at this…but I’ve actually had this happen to me during a first date.

6. I’m Feeling It

Guys are not mind readers. When we go out on a first date with a girl, we are nervous. We may fake it and act all cool about it, but deep down we feel like we are on egg-shells. “Does she like me?”, “Did I say something stupid?”, and “What is she thinking?” bombards our thought process constantly like the little devil sitting on our shoulder. If we are not getting any obvious signs that you’re interested, we probably won’t call you. Guys hate/fear rejection just like girls do. That being said, I’ve had my fair share of girls call me a couple days after our date and just verbally BLAST me because I neglected to call them, and they felt that I was “leading them on”. Well to those girls as well as the ones reading right now; if you are interested in the guy, show it.

7. I’m Not Feeling It

I really can’t break this one down any further. I am sure this goes both-ways without saying. If I am “not feeling it”, I will not lead you on, and you will know that it just isn’t happening for me. I would only hope that you have the same courtesy to do that to me instead of leading me on.

8. Red-Flags

I’m writing this post from the “guy looking for a relationship” perspective. If I was writing this from the perspective of guys just looking for a “one night stand” this point would be drastically different as we wouldn’t be AS picky. During the course of the date, us guys are trying to pin-point certain traits or aspects we find unattractive, or the aforementioned “red-flag.” Statistically, it is a scientific fact that most people exaggerate on the first date to make themselves look more impressive to the other person. Don’t know why we do this, it just happens. So if the “red-flag” flies like it’s at a football game, it’s time to move on. Which leads me to point number 9 as it is one of the most common “bullshit” lines you’ll hear during the first date.

9. The 3rd Element

Again, I’m going to be breaking “Man-Law” on this one, but it is a general rule of thumb (sometimes), that if a girl tells you how many men she’s been with, you multiply it by 3. Yes, I realize that there might be multiple different break downs of the formula or other numbers to multiply her number by, but always remember you can’t go wrong with 3. Why am I telling you this? Because when I am looking for a relationship with a girl, I don’t want to know how many men you slept with (even though I do). Does this make sense to you ladies? If not, then my work here is done.

And Finally… The Most Controversial Of Them All….

10. There Was a Game on TV and We Forgot

To all the women who are wondering why a guy never called them back, I have just one piece of advice: FORGET ABOUT IT. There is a reason (be it good/bad or otherwise) why the guy didn’t call you back. Maybe he didn’t like you, maybe he did like you and is too shy to call you back, and maybe he lost his cell phone that had your number in it. Whatever the reason; he isn’t calling you back. Get over it and move on. There are WAY too many proverbial fish in the sea to get all worried and bent out of shape because a guy didn’t call you back. I can’t even begin to count how many women in my life haven’t called me back. It’s just the name of the dating game and the nature of the beast. Cry yourself a river then build a bridge and get over it.

Until Next Time…

THIS IS MEAN…… Stephen you’re mean, but my dear girls, we still got our grills let’s keep it up! :Δ

My saturday is so sweet, how’s your?

TEMI TO NKEM

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read also: Nkem to Temi : https://madekreations.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/nkem-to-temi/

 

its been 2years and i just though to let you know my mind.

There goes my baby……now, that song always got me thinking how could i have just watched things slip away, but hey, am here, oh no am not its the new me, am thinking and writing confused and worried if I’ll ever find true love, if  ‘ll ever find that man that’s just like my baby, my big baby i call him, Temi, my L♥√ع, my darling, my happiness, my joy, he’s just everything you want but maybe what makes him human is that he’s not perfect, how can he be when all we do is laugh and fight.

the laugh, did i actually truly laugh in years, yes i did when i was with him; our journey far was all because of mathematics, i remember never seeing anyone like him before, though have seen someone that looks better, he’s tall, dark, handsome not of the finest breed but he’s funny.

In tears, i sat ranting about how am going to cope with the extra loads i had with my new department and all, then he came along, laughing at me saying he’s never seen a pretty-big girl of my age crying in public, but deep inside it wasn’t the math, it was home, it was my boyfriend, it was pressure and i just needed something to blame and when anyone asked i told the same lie, its mathematics and he offered to help me and that was it, i didn’t even ask of his name.

Weeks after weeks i didn’t even remember the deal and then we crossed path again i defensively accused him of dulling me then he said “its you who need help, not i” and i wondered what kind of guy would act/talk so bluntly and then we made another agreement, he would come to my house on Saturdays and Sundays and we barely did maths, all we did was talk, talk and talk, cook together, eat and maybe music.

Weeks after weeks we bonded, shared stories and become closer, he was all about the facts and always blunt about it! Of course i like facts but i never liked bluntness and it was obvious he won’t stop, i had my part but i can’t place that part of my memory.

One night he came over to my house, we talked and talked and he was going to leave and then i just didn’t want him to go and of course he didn’t want to leave either but then the fact is he had to go, it was getting too late and he concluded he would stay at his friends’ close by my hostel and there we asked each other at almost the same time, what do you feel for me (it was funny) we kissed, he was gentle, soft, direct and perfect, we couldn’t stop, it was the most passionate, long and french ever. It wasn’t like the other guys were we argue why we should date or not, he likes me and i was falling for every bit of him. my friends like him and his did me.

From the first kiss, went the second and third and many more passionate kisses. He is just the one, we are alike, he is very athletic, humble, respectful but blunt, straight forward, calm, funny, intelligent, nice, caring, sweet and i can go on but he’s stubborn, argues to the last, obsessive, nonchalant and annoying ( in a sweet way though) we shared almost everything but one thing we didn’t share was agreeing. Temi made me understand what L♥√ع was, he was my friend, my brother and everything and with time we grew to understand each other and we were everywhere together, we would text each other at intervals, he would call me till i fall asleep and he would help me with house chores.

he loves sports but i hate to be the one to wash the socks, or massage his broken ankle or toes, but i L♥√ع that he let me baby him. The fact that he’s so tall and makes me feel so small makes me see a reason to respect him because i can also be very rude,  he would be at my doorstep the moment i say “i miss you bro” we would read, sleep and wake up the next morning and pray together, he there every step of the way, he would stay up at night to rub my back whenever am sick and would be close to tears when i cry and shout in pain, he would not hesitate to walk miles home after he tucks me in bed and its too late to get a cab.

All roads ain’t smooth but ours was, if only we never lamented about minor things if only i stopped messaging my ex and if only he stopped telling me how much L♥√ع had for his ex, if only he’s best friend girl was too close for my liking, if only i didn’t let my past hunt me down with insecurity and i was all nosy and Nagy. If only we prayed more and didn’t let the things o this world get to us. And focus on what we already shared..love. If only we held on to the sweet memories we shared; the date nights, the beautiful sex we had, the awkward moments we were caught naked, the beautiful gifts we exchanged, the days we would write stuffs together, read together , call our families and all those smiles.

Nkem, that’s what he calls me (his own). But then, maybe it was all too much and things were a little perfect and we fought almost everyday over very insignificant things, we took a break and we just couldn’t handle it and came back together after 48hours of not talking, Temi came knocking on my door and said he was sorry, we were out all night and there was a shooting star and we both made a wish and after a while he asked what i wished and i said i wished that our L♥√ع grows and we can settle down with kids and he didn’t say his (he like to blackmail me) we argued it and ended the night with a kiss.

We had plans to have a nice vacation, i was saving up and was excited then we had a fight about me going through his phone, then the next day i called him and he said he was in Abuja and shunned me off, i was really sad, i had a competition that day and i didn’t do well at all, i called several times and my L♥√ع didn’t pick his calls, only for him to call me the next day saying he was still angry with me and will call me when he’s calm. I missed him so much and cried almost every night, and would even send texts he wouldn’t reply. Finally, he texts me “where are you” and i replied “home” he came over and as usual filled each other in on the days apart, he mentioned talking to his best girl friend everyday while he was away since he didn’t want to speak to me ( i was jealous and angry) then he said ” i went to see  his ex, i can remember vividly my heart pumped, and every strand of hair on my body rose and i kept calm cause i wanted to hear everything but truly i wasn’t listening, i felt loss, heartbreak and disappointment after summing up why he didn’t take me on the trip and why he didn’t speak to me through out and multiplying it with the fact that he kept saying he will always love her, it was fear, hatred and defeat that drown me, i could swear i didn’t hear any other thing. And when we woke up the next morning, i started from that day onward to make silly evaluations and read meaning to everything he said, we fought more often and i stopped checking his phones even though she messaged and called but i was sure i was done.

But how can i be done, when i still L♥√ع him, i talked to friends and family and the more people i talked to, the more confused i was, Temi, had to travel and almost after he left i was sick, i told him but he was always too busy to even checkup on me.  Several thoughts would cross my mind and i just couldn’t think straight anymore, but a piece of me just prayed and hoped for solution, one day, i had to go see my potential brother in-law as i always called him and on leaving there it rained cat and dog, my bike slipped and the next thing i remember is that i was in the hospital, after days i was discharged and i told him what happened, his response was “did i send you there”. i was shocked and that was the last we spoke, i knew something was wrong but i couldn’t place it.

It killed me more because i couldn’t talk to anyone we met back in school and he didn’t mention and i just hated him for that, i was hurt my leg was left with a scar and he didn’t notice, i told him i needed a break and he said he was hoping for that, we clearly didn’t have a good discussion because of pride and fear.

As much as i would like to write more, i just want you to know that despite the hate and irritation i had for you, i would never forget how you made my sister yours, my problem yours, my fear your fear, and how you filled my world with so much joy. All the crazy things we did, all the sleepless night all the sky-ping, all the good sex and all the baby names we argued about, have not shared them with anyone because there will be none like you. I am though still angry and hurt and wanna slap your face right now for that day you had me over to your place and tried so many things called me several names and brought out the monster in me, i would though like to hear from you, and tell me what really went wrong.  The space i created for you still remains and i haven’t found L♥√ع!

Nkem to Temi : https://madekreations.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/nkem-to-temi/