when u go marry?

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God does not give me the option of getting older without turning plus one. I want to get older; I want to be more mature; I want to be wiser; I want to get the experience one only gets by spending more time on earth, but I do not necessarily want my age to go higher – at least not at the rate that it goes. Perhaps, I will feel better if it took eighteen months to turn plus one instead of twelve months.
I am not a child, and I do not wish to go back to my childhood; however, I am really just a kid at heart. The thought of being married excites me; the thought of having a man to call my own fascinates me; the thought of having children that come out of me thrills me, but even more than all that, the thought of leaving my parents terrifies me. Yes, I want to start a family of my own, but I still want to live with my mommy. Who will rub my back when I am feeling down? Who will rub my feet? Who will play with my hair? The probability that my husband will do all these is not very high – unless my husband happens to not be Nigerian which is highly unlikely. I am tempted to get into all the reasons why my mother might be a more romantic husband, but I will save that for another day.
The older I become, the more often I hear that question that no girl ever wants to hear (especially if she does not know the answer to it), “so when are you getting married?” My best friend is getting married in a month’s time, another got married today a few married last month and I have stopped telling people about it because it always leads them to ask me the question I do not want to hear. I do not know when I will be getting married. I do not know how I will be proposed to. I do not know where or when I will be proposed to. But most importantly, I do not know to whom I will be getting married. But no one asks me who I will be getting married to; everyone is concerned about when.
Things have gotten so bad that my mother’s friends’ husband gave my number to his friend who has a son. He told me all the supposed good things about his friend’s son – he is in the military (is that supposed to be a good thing? I hear the military guys are all whores); he flies planes for the military (Oh great! In addition to possibly being hit by a stray bullet, he also runs the risk of dying in a plane crash); he is Hausa (so what? I hear they do not make them like they used to anymore. But then again, were they ever really that good?); he is in med school (how nice! I can look forward to my potential husband spending all his time in the hospital. And let us not forget the student loans), but my He failed to tell me if his friend’s son was single and looking. I guess all that mattered was the relationship between my father and his father.
I concluded that the guy would have to be really desperate to actually call me. I mean, what would he say when he calls me? “Hi, my name is —, and I got your number from my father who got it from your father who said we should mingle and see where this might lead to.” Yeah, there goes the introduction I have been waiting for all my life. I did not expect him to call; he never did call, and my mind forgot the issue. But then months later, my father asked me if he had called, and that was when I remembered him. I am ashamed to admit this, but a part of me was sad. Why did he not call?? He should have at least called to hear my voice. He should have at least considered the possibility of God working in mysterious ways. Yes, indeed, I am pathetic, I know. So that was how my relationship with the flying military man in med school ended before it got a chance to start.
Like I stated earlier, my friend is getting married in a month’s time; another close friend of mine got married this Saturday (October 20th 2012), and yet another friend is getting married in December. Everyone has been asking the same question, and I am sick and tired of saying I do not know. Besides, saying I do not know only prompts the one asking to ask another unanswerable question, “Why now?” What the heck?! I can go ahead and explain to anyone who cares to hear that I have an idea of what I want my wedding gown to look like; I know the exact engagement and wedding ring I want; I know where I want to do my traditional marriage; I know what I want the ceremony to be like; I know what I want the Nikkah wedding to look like; I know what kind of marriage I want to share with my husband, and I even have an idea of the songs we will play that day, the names of our children, and how many I want to look like me (I want at least one boy and one girl to look like me)!
In fact, I also know that I want five children (including a set of twins and two adopted). I am so sure of my twins that I have secretly started calling myself Mama Ejima or Mama Ibeji. Yes, I have claimed it already. All I need now is the ‘who’, but no one is asking me that. I guess all that matters is that I know when I will be getting married. Finding the ‘who’ should not be too difficult seeing as I have thousands of men knocking my door down and asking my parents for permission to pluck the ripe flower in their garden. Yeah, right!

My friend, who has been single since i know her now thinks because she has one guy doing her is feeling different. Suddenly, her new wave of ‘manfullness’ has given her the confidence to have pity on me. She said she will help me out of my predicament. I did not even know I had a predicament!
How am I supposed to tell people when I will be getting married if I do not even have a man to propose? Or am I supposed to propose to myself and marry myself? That would actually not be such a terrible idea since I consider myself the best partner anyone can ever dream of (wink) , but I cannot afford the ring I want. Besides, I kind of need a man to have the five children that I plan on having, and going to a sperm bank is out of the question. Another perk of getting married is the tax breaks that married couples get. Who does not want or need a tax break? I know I do. Oh well, I guess I would just have to wait for my darling to show up. I have to say it is taking him a mighty long time to get here, but with all the humidity and global warming occurring, transportation must have slowed down. That is my story, and I am sticking to it.
Of course, if I could have a meeting with God, I would suggest He creates a Custom-M’ade Spouse program – a program in which people – men and women alike – can create their partner just as they want him or her. But I know this is merely a fantasy that will never come to pass. But if for any reason God decides to create such a program, I will not mind being the first to utilize it. Heaven knows I am in dire need of it. Until then however, I will just have to wait for my darling like every other woman out there.

So when am I getting married? Beats me. But if you find out, do let me know,

kindly comment and share, thanks

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Why are you single?

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Why am i single?

Oh how I love this question…NOT REALLY! I figured I would address this question because it has been asked of me more times than I can count. No, I am not tooting my own horn by saying that. I am a 21 year old fairly attractive lady so people feel the need to ask. The other day, my bestie and i almost got into a fight when he tried to force me into a date with his cute friend and he reminded me a single lady of 29 with no kids and said, is she my role model? Apparently if you haven’t taken the plunge of marriage and children by a specific age then you are looked upon as a diseased creature….I mean something MUST be wrong with you.

I am single because it is my choice to be single. Sure I would love a companion in my life but another person is never going to define me. Having a boyfriend/being in a relationship is not going to define me. Being married is not going to define me either. These things are not the end all be all of my existence. Maybe I am single because I am stubborn and hard-headed ;0). I spent many years of my life wallowing in my own self-pity. I was too thin. My teeth aren’t perfect. I am too proud. I am always right. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I don’t know when the turning point was but I finally got a big slap in the face and realized that my woes were just superficial. If I was unable to see how amazing I am then how in the hell would anyone else see it. I would be an asset to anyone’s life. There are no if’s, and’s or but’s about it. When I feel moments of self-doubt and self-pity I just turn on youtube videos about young girls being sold into sex slavery or women that have been disfigured by having acid thrown on their faces and I get over it pretty quickly.

I am single because I don’t want to settle. People can tell me that I am picky all day long and my answer to that is, “why shouldn’t I be?” If I want to potentially spend the rest of my life with someone (being married or not) shouldn’t I know for sure it is the right person. I want someone that challenges me not someone that agrees with every thought of mine and someone I absolutely love to talk to….someone that makes me feel 100% comfortable. The fact that i have a lot of male friends makes it pretty hard for the potential boyfriend to be,. I just don’t know how to be or how to act. I don’t want to be phony and I don’t think I am but when you start having a conversation with someone and their eyes gaze in another direction and they blantantly act uninterested then I make no more effort. I do not want to be the one on the dates that holds all of the conversations afloat. I think when it is right with someone the conversation just comes naturally and very easily. After years of dating it does not take long to figure out when you have met you UN-SOULMATE!

I could boast about myself and say that I am single because men are intimidated by my education or passion but I do not believe that to be the case. Yes, I believe I can be intimidating to some people but just the same…some people can intimidate the hell out of me. We are living in a time where dating and romance are drastically different than 40 years ago. I think when it comes down to it I am an old soul that wants the story book romance and if that doesn’t happen then I want to still love life every single day. I can experience different journeys all alone and love them or I can love them in the company of someone that I share my life with. Either way I am going to choose to love life. Love is something I cherish and I define it in a way that it should never be taken for granted to taken lightly.

I guess if anyone wants to know why I am single they can hunt up my exes and those that I have dated in the past and ask them all of the reasons I wasn’t “The One”. While helping a friend last weekend. Of course they were all cutting up with me and hitting on me (yep, they were all married) and one of them said, “You are a cute girl with a good head on your shoulders, why are you single?” My response was, “I don’t know but I feel sorry for all of the guys not dating me.”

But then another consolation for you all that think its bad, is that am still far from that single 29 years old… *wink* mine is working hard to sweep me off my feet.

WHY ARE YOU SINGLE/ IN A RELATIONSHIP?

letter to the future

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if you could write a letter to your future self what would you say?

Well I guess this is the opportunity to write that letter.

Dear Future Self,

There are so many things I could talk about in this letter. It is currently April 2012. According to the Mayan Calendar, this is the year the world is going to end. How many times have we heard that??? Anyhow, you are at a place in your life in which you are learning so very much. You have changed so drastically as a person and it has been an adjustment. I will not say it has been a hard adjustment, just a different adjustment. It took you until about 3-4 months ago to realize how unhappy in life you had been. A man came in and out of your life and this person turned everything upside down. He didn’t turn everything upside down in a bad way. He just opened your eyes to who you truly were. He has no idea of the impact he had. Although you and him did not work out, you realised so much about yourself. You realised that you were not letting go of the poor self-esteem and self-doubt. You allowed others to control your actions because you felt that what they thought was good/right was more important than the way you viewed yourself. It has been difficult to work on getting rid of the anxiety and worry. It has been hard to find the middle ground between being extremely self-conscious to being confident almost to the point of arrogant. When someone is a certain way for so long, it can be a real challenge to change and take on a whole new perspective-to be a different person that you believe would be better.

You have finally learned that happiness is a journey and not a destination. Make sure to stop and take a breath. Your mind works at such an insane pace and you have always been one to plan everything out and wanting to get everything done right away. Don’t let your mind get the best of you because your mind is just a small part of who you are. Remind yourself of The ACCIDENT it was just 3 weeks ago. You took time to write about it and free yourselve of a lot. You met a guy and was able to say No and not date out of pity. These are 2things that gave you a sense of clarity and peace. Now you obviously know what you want.

To my future self I will also say that I know life is going to have a lot of ups and downs but I beg of you to not blame yourself for moments that may not always be the best. During this time (and in the past) you have tortured yourself by believing that you were not good enough and there was something wrong with you. STOP!!!! A man does not and will not define you EVER!!! You may read this and be married to the love of your life and that is absolutely wonderful but remember to not lose your identity. You have seen that happen with so many people you know. Don’t forget about what you truly believe in. Please don’t let someone mold you because in a moment you were lonely. You have always been a unique soul that was always searching for something new. If you are not taking part in things you love in your life and are not seeking new information and knowledge and learning from others and trying new things than you are not being YOU! You have settled enough in your past life, please do not settle anymore. Stop the worrying, take a deep breath in and a deep breath out and hold onto your moments of peace, love and happiness.

Another thing I ask of you is to love as hard as you can. Love those around you that are important to you. Take the time for these people in your life because in a moment they may be gone. You will continue to meet people throughout your whole life but there will be only a select few that will really make an impact. I hope you still have some of these people in your life. If you do, take the time now to talk to them or get together with them and let them know how much they mean to you. I have come to realize that we tend to get so caught up in our busy lives that we sometimes forget to tell people thank you for being a part of our lives. You may read this a month from now, a year from now, or even 15 years from now. I do not know at any of those times whether or not your mum and sisters will be alive anymore. I hope so because I know how much they mean to you. Either way, hold onto all of the memories you had of them growing up. Always remember how blessed you are to have them. Although you didn’t always agree on everything and you may have had different traits, these are the people in the world that made you and loved you unconditionally every single day of your life. Share the love that they gave you with others. And if by chance when you read this, anyone has passed away, allow yourself to experience sadness and pain but don’t let it take over your life. Remember, even though you may not have always believed it, you are way stronger than you know! Your family have always been your heroes. Ask yourself, “Would they want me to be miserable and depressed in life or would they want me to be living life?” The answer is simple and you know that. Although their bodies may not be here does not mean that their soul isn’t. Love with everything you have because that is who you are. You know who you are. You always have. You have just been scared to let this person out.

I leave you here in hopes that you are in a happy place in your life. I hope you are able to read this letter and reflect on your life and smile. Remember that you went through challenging times but it is those challenging times that have made you the beautiful person you are. You have so many things that others do not. You have a gift. I hope you are still writing, designing and reading quite a bit. I know you will be happy that you did. The world is your classroom…make sure to continue learning as much as you can every single day. To my future self I send an abundance of love and peace.

Love,

Present self. 😀