Are you where you thought you would be?

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Are you where you thought you would be at this point in your life?

I have been asked this question over and over again and every time the answer changes. The answer changes because I am always changing. Where you want to be in your life and where you think you will actually be are 2 very different things. As children we all wanted to be rich and famous and well-known (well most of us-maybe not all). But realistically we knew this was not going to be the case.

I can honestly say I never had a clear picture of what I thought my life would be like at this point.

I am the type of person that wants to learn and experience so much that I am unable to think of a life only one certain way. It would actually be almost impossible to picture my life at a future time. I will always have goals and dreams and I do hope some of these come into fruition but I don’t rely on these things to shape my life to define me.

I believe I am undefinable. I would have never guessed that I would be working in an IT firm or even be a fashion designer or at most surprising be a writer. I want to pursue a degree in human resource management or project management, I will eat my words with saying this and probably catch a lot of hell, but I am unsure of exactly how I want to use this degree and i definitely will go to fashion school. When I first started with this it was never my intention to make a name out of this but over the past year I have dove a lot into art and even learning how to sew and more on design techniques. people recommend, request and call me for different projects i don’t even have any idea about, its so sweet to know that few people believe in me and that as earlier planned am a role model to a few and still in-charge of my little tittle “FIRST CHILD”

OK, now back to the topic at hand…Am I where I thought I would be at this point in my life? As stated, I never saw my life in a certain way. if going by my initial plan, i should still be in school studying medicine, but going by the later plan, well what can i say Alhamdulilah. The only thing that is most important in my life (and I hope it is in everyone else’s – even through the hard times) is happiness. The thing about that though that I needed to change was realizing that happiness is a journey and not a destination. I still have to remind myself of that all of the time because I am always looking for an end…and while looking for that end I am missing the incredible journey I am on in this very moment. It has taken me a really long time to get to this point.

I am at a crucial point in my life where things are starting to make sense and I am feeling more in tune with who I am than I ever have. I still have a hard time accepting things and I do not always stand up for myself and I dislike confrontation in any form but I am learning. I am accepting what is right now. I am learning that I am beyond lucky for the things that I have in my life. I go through phases of loneliness and anxiety but I never stop forgetting that they are only moments and the world is too big of a place to get stuck in one small rut. I am slowly starting to talk more about who I really am and face fears that I had been ignoring for a long time. I am bringing what is on the inside out and the journey is absolutely breathtaking.

So i am not there yet, a lot of things have gone out of place, a lot in place and a lot too arranged am over whelmed but i am grateful and happy to be where i am because it is so promising and with you all by my side encouraging me.. i will get there!

ARE YOU THERE YET? and if not, where would you be in 5years?

the change i want…

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Sometimes I just want to slow down. I am at a stage in my life where I truly have acceptance and love for the person that I am. It has taken me a LONG time to get here but now that I am here I am never leaving i can only get better. I embrace change…I actually love change because it allows you to step outside of your comfort zone and really grow. I believe change is necessary in order for people to keep learning and thriving.

When it comes to change I believe we should hold onto our morals and values and all of those things that make us who we are. I have been raised to be polite and have grown to be compassionate and those are two things I will never ever change about myself. Change runs along the lines of conquering fears and wanting to practice different lifestyles. Since I was little I have been overcome with nervousness.  A lot of this nervousness comes from always pushing myself 25 steps ahead. The thing I want to and will change about myself is giving myself the clearance to just slow down. I am not on the go 24 hours a day 7 days a week but sometimes my mind is. I have this creativity that surges through my body and I get bazillions of ideas that come to me. I want to do this and I want to do that and start this project or start that project or go here or go there. Creativity is a beautiful thing but it must be something that comes naturally…it should never be forced. I am the type of person that wants to get everything done quickly. I don’t know why I am that way. Procrastination has never been a concept in my life…if anything I would get projects done far in advance. The problem though is that I have not let my creative juices flow naturally…and when I don’t allow myself that then my work suffers. I live my life as if everything is on a timeline and I am slowly started to accept that not EVERYTHING needs to be on a timeline. Even with this blog I sometimes catch myself thinking that I have to get it posted by a certain time everyday…I literally will have a whole conversation in my head in which I will say, “Well most people will log into Facebook at some point mid-afternoon and people are used to you posting at that time already. Plus you will either be working at night or going to the gym after work and you will need to go home and shower and by the time you are done that I am sure you won’t want to write anything and if you don’t write anything then your blog won’t be what you said it was going to be.

I have been getting better with this, I have always been a results driven person. I was always looking for an end-point. What I am focusing on changing is no longer looking for the end point (i.e. finding my happiness, looking for love, etc.) but instead enjoying the journey because the journey is the actual answer. When we are accustomed to being a certain way (from childhood) it is next to impossible to just flip a switch and change everything in one day. Change is a process and it is something that you must really want. I am going to be a year older in few days and am proud to say I have found my happiness because I am slowly stopping the search for answers in everything. Not everything in life needs and answer. I do not need to know why everyone else do the things they do. The change I want to make is in my perception so I am able to look at life from a different angle. Instead of questioning people’s actions I want to accept them and work with their differences. I cannot force others to change in order to make them fit my needs and I would not want someone to do that to me. It may drive me nuts sometimes when I encounter people that are completely different from myself and do things in a manner in which I believe may be wrong but I am choosing to start seeing these things as opportunities to learn more about myself and more about the diversity of the world.

A lot of people in the world do not accept or embrace change. We, as people, tend to get used to certain patterns and become monotonous because we are comfortable being a certain way. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that. What is most important is that people are living their lives in happiness. I believe that if a person questions their happiness then that might be a sign that there is a need for change. Change is not evil. Change is not something that anyone should force you into. Change could be something miniscule or something gigantic. We all want to change something about ourselves. I would find it hard to believe that there is one person on this planet that would not want to change one thing about themselves…whether it be physical, mental, emotional, educational, etc. Yes, I think it is VITAL to embrace who we are…”flaws” and all.

I am just curious to see what people would say if they were asked what they would change about themselves and why they want to change those things. :0)

 

Chemistry 101

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I have found there to be two main criteria that must be met before considering someone a dating prospect: the first is chemistry and the second is compatibility. Different people have different ideas about the concept of “chemistry.” Personally, I’m not sure that I know how to describe it, but I am positive that if it’s there, I know it. I must digress at this point to note that interestingly, my definition of chemistry is disturbingly similar to Justice Stewart’s definition of hard-core pornography: “… I know it when I see it.” I suppose some things are better left undefined, as forcing overly-clinical terminology onto such concepts often has the ability to destroy their salacious appeal (see: Clinton Impeachment Trial).

In any case, it seems that the concept of chemistry may have different implications for men as compared to women. As Bravo’s the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger, so crassly puts it: for men, “if the penis gets off of the couch,” there is chemistry. Conversely, I have found that chemistry and physical attractiveness are not perfectly correlated; finding someone physically appealing is no guarantee that there will be a spark. Several of my readers have expressed such a phenomenon which they describe as the guy who is “perfect on paper,” but with whom they inexplicably lack chemistry. Although the causes of chemistry may be more ambiguous for females, the response is not delayed as a result. Studies have shown that it can be determined definitively within the first five minutes of meeting someone whether there is chemistry. It may be a sad reality, but I have found that if there is no chemistry within the first five minutes, that will not change after another one, two, or three dates: it’s either there or it’s not.

Evaluating compatibility on the other hand, is a much more time consuming process. Depending on the openness of the two individuals, it can take anywhere from days to weeks to determine whether you are minimally compatible with another person. And ironically it is only once you reach that level of comfort with one another that people are prone to unleashing their “secret selves.” “I’m so glad that I have finally found someone that I feel so comfortable around…I feel like I can be completely honest with you. In fact, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you all about my sex life…

Thus, in order to maximize efficiency and minimize crazy, chemistry should be the first criteria examined when considering a dating prospect. This is easily achieved in real-life situations since you would only approach someone with whom you felt there was strong potential for chemistry. Additionally, approaching them and chatting awkwardly in the produce section of the grocery store gives you the brief amount of time that you need to determine whether there is sufficient chemistry to warrant going on a date.

Meeting people the old-fashioned way provides you with a sort of “chemistry filter” that allows it to have an edge over the presumed efficiency of online dating. You see, given that chemistry is a requirement for a potential relationship, in order to maximize efficiency one would have to spend time pursuing only those matches with whom they have chemistry. However, online dating has no such filter as it is impossible to feel chemistry through a computer screen.  You can talk for days; having deep and meaningful conversation, you can even Skype; giggling when the screen freezes on a particularly unflattering facial expression. However, until you actually meet that person, it is impossible to know conclusively whether you will get those infamous butterflies. Unfortunately, this back-and-forth online messaging which can last anywhere from days to weeks, is largely unavoidable as it seems to have established itself as a required social convention prior to setting up a date. People feel like they have to “get to know you” before they meet you. Sadly though, “getting to know” someone that you may or may not have chemistry with is a grossly inefficient use of time. Days can be spent mindlessly chatting to a potential match about their family history, college major, career prospects, hobbies, and at his bequest, reviewing his 800+ pictures on Facebook; however it only takes a matter of minutes to determine whether there is chemistry (the first hurdle). It seems then that the only logical thing to do would be to first make the chemistry determination, prior to investing a gross amount of time getting to know this person. Thus, dating the old-fashioned way would seem to be the logical alternative.

Of course one could argue that while that may be true, statistically your odds are still better online since there is a much larger pool of available people. I generally find this argument to be without merit. It may be true that you are frequently bombarded by fifty or more messages to your online dating account, and you may not be approached by so many people in real life.

i once met Mr cupid, some months ago and we were virtual for over 6 months, we talked everyday and exchanged texts, it even felt like the old days of free night calls, we talked practically about everything and we shared views, i even met his family and it was time for him to come home, we planned to see and i was all giggling and excited, on seeing him i just wasn’t feeling a thing, i couldn’t even completely hug him, we sat up all night talking and in my mind, i prayed for morning. morning came and that was it, i didn’t even call or want to talk to him. the chemistry wasn’t just there and i pitied all the time wasted and how he must have felt, we tried two more dates and i just had to call it off. i still am attracted to him virtually but i don’t think i can be physically.

So I’m truly sorry OK Cupid…really, it’s not me, it’s you.