lets just be fwends


Can men and women be JUST friends?/Can men and women go back to being friends after dating/a relationship?

I just finished meditating. I meditate twice a day for 15 minutes each. I have made this part of my daily routine and have found the benefits of it to be amazing so far and I believe the more I practice the more benefits I will feel/see. I am rambling about this because I should be focused on my project but whenever I come out of meditation I always feel creative and inspired. The thoughts come rushing into my head.  This blog I believe becomes truer and truer day by day because I am able to open up more due to the lessening of stress I feel.

Anyhow, there wasn’t a significant point to that rambling except for my wanting to share. I believe feeling good can be infectious so I guess part of me wanted to put it out there. As far as the above question goes…hmmmmm…..well it is an age old one that is for sure. Can men and women be friends? Can men and women go back to being friends after dating/being in a relationship? Honestly, I really don’t know. I think most people would say yes but I am unsure.

In regards to men (guys) and women(gals) being just friends I do think it is possible. I also think though that a lot is dependent on the type of relationship the two people have. If a male and female spend a lot of time together, doing various things (watching games, going to bars, going to the beach, etc) I do believe at some point there is a solid chance that one will become attracted to the other. A part of me feels that we are built in a way that either draws us closer to someone of the opposite sex or pushes us further away (either because we aren’t attracted to them or because we are and we know it will never happen so we abandon the situation). There are very few guys in my life that I would consider close friends that at some point I did not feel an attraction to at some point. I have had a male roommate and I do look at him as a close friend  but when we first met and became roommates(at a conference) I admit that the thought did ponder my mind about a romantic or intimate relationship. I felt attracted to him but was unsure of what my feelings really were. I pushed the thought out of my head and I still have remained friends with him (the thought of being with him in any physical or romantic way now is not even a possibility) but at that time I realized I needed to keep my life separate in certain ways from his. I needed to focus more on me in order to not get all wrapped up in that kind of situations. So, yes, we are friends but there are boundaries I make sure to never cross. I guess what I am saying is that men and women can be friends but it usually goes along with more rules and regulations.

I can’t believe I am going to admit this (thank goodness I do not use names) but at one time, probably a year and a half back, I had a male friend that I would go to happy hour with and just chill with from time to time. It sounds kind of mean but he was kind of the guy I went to when nothing else was going on and I was itching to get out of the house. This guy is nice but we would not be compatible in the least. He is your stereotypical engineer nerd (yes he even says that about himself) and our personalities are soooooo extremely different. I am bubbly and silly and loud and he is more analytical and “know it all”. We are not a match even a little bit. Our personalities worked together in certain situations. One night we had a party and I admit that the alcohol was flowing. In a mere moment I found myself attracted to him. The thought of him being snuggled up to me in bed entered my mind. The next day I was in complete denial that I ever felt that. I kept telling myself that thought could not have possibly entered my mind. I know to this day I would never want to be with him but for a minute (or maybe for more than a minute and a few drinks) I felt it. I am telling you this because I believe at some point or another, if a man or a woman has a friend of the opposite sex there will come a time they will find themselves attracted to them( maybe that’s why my male friend’s girlfriends don’t like me- duh). I guess what matters the most is how that person reacts to that feeling. I believe 100% at some point or another my roommate considered me in some way or another. I am sure it was just a passing thought but I guarantee it was there. The good thing about us is that there is not a chance we would act on it because we have seen each other so much and know each other so well now that any attraction or romantic/physical possibilities has ceased. I feel like I keep contradicting my answer. See why I said I don’t know. :0)

What I do know (well what I believe, I can’t really say know) is that men and women being friends after dating/a relationship is very rare. The chances of a long-term successful friendship after being involved is slim to none(except they do not see). I believe that it is a form of regression if people try to be friends after being romantically involved. Obviously, if two people have been romantically involved then there is attraction there. Attraction doesn’t simply go away. If it does go away then I believe that there is a good chance you don’t even want to be around that person anymore. I think people need time to heal and explore themselves and potentially meet someone else when the time is right and maybe after enough time has passes then two people that have been romantically involved may be able to become friends again but I still have doubts about it.there was a time i tried bonding with my ex but Friendship was  not an option because i was too drawn to him romantically and physically and the idea of him being with another girl just tore me up. There was no way I could accept that. He said he believed he would seek me out after all was said and done with his breakup and who knows if that day will ever come but I realized that keeping him in my life right now was not going to be healthy for me…and most likely not for him either. I knew deep down that I would be constantly hoping that things would take a turn and he would realize that I was truly what he wanted and he would forget everything else and just dive in.

I finally stopped dreaming and realized I could not live like that. So, through my experiences, and in my opinion, I do not think it is healthy for two people to “try” and remain friends after a break up. I am not implying they should be arch enemies by any means but I do think that people need their space and time away from each other to regain their independence and their individuality. During those times is when you realize what is truly important to you and if a relationship ends like that then long-term was never meant to be. I may be a die-hard romantic and a dreamer but I truly believe that when it is right it is right…there won’t be a whole bunch of breaking up and getting back together, there won’t be the question of whether to date other people, there won’t be an issue of timing. When it is right, in my opinion, there are no questions and no doubts. A friendship later could be possible but I think initially is not the right time.

What do you think?


Qualities of Attract-ion


Well, it is official, I am sick, i have been feeling a lot under the weather these days and my oxygen-routine changed,a situation where you get to feel under pressure at night and more relaxed during the day causing you to sleep more during the day, it could be a symptom to many things ( even pregnancy- will you criticize me if i am?). have been too lazy and even grown more nonchalant to see a doctor (very much against what i preach), no production through out last week, no new designs and i didn’t write anything until today.

Anyhow, in my clouded haze I stumbled upon the question of attraction. I wanted to pose the question in a manner that was not directly linked to romantic attraction. In my opinion, attraction is the sense of being drawn to someone whether it be because of the way they look or their mannerisms. Many things can attract one person to another. How many times have you encountered someone you may not find physically appealing but once they speak and engage in conversation you find that you are attracted to their person…to their being. You may not necessarily feel a romantic connection but you feel a desire to be around them.

There are a ton of qualities I find attractive in people. Confidence (confidence not cockiness or arrogance) is probably one of the most attractive qualities a person can have. When a person is obviously secure with themselves they exude a natural happiness in life. I love to be around people like this because it makes me feel like they are living their ultimate bliss. I believe in the law of attraction as well so I choose to surround myself with people like this as often as I can.

The ability to make people smile and to treat people with a great amount of respect to draw people in. These are some of the most attractive qualities that a person can hold within themselves. These are the qualities that attracts me to others and make me want to build relationships with people. Times have changed though. Society has changed and media has emerged in a way that has (at least I believe) has made us lose those personal connections with each other. When I find qualities like this in a person, I hold onto them with dear life. These qualities portray a sense of balance. In this crazed world, if a person is able to keep up with media and technology but still maintain personal relationships on deep levels then I am hooked.

People are all so different and that is what makes life so interesting to me. I have been drawn to complete strangers because of only mere words they have spoken or body language that portrays passion and desire.…some of these things may cause romantic(wink wink) feelings in me while others may cause a desire to want to get to know the person more and hear more about their lives and adventures.

Creative / artistic -I am absolutely drawn to people that love creating in some way or another-whether it be through writing, painting or music. Someone that exudes passion in a creative form.

Physical appearance– i am strongly attracted to either a girl or boy/man by their looks, i keep a lot of people just because they amuse and interest me just by their looks, dressing, appearance and carriage, it actually helps me to want to look better. For guys- especially heights, i can hug YOU till the next full moon.

Kindness-It may seem like an obvious thing to be attracted to but kindness comes in many forms. I am attracted to people that perform kind acts naturally, without even realizing that they are doing it. A simple gesture of remembering something about yesterday and asking or asking if you had breakfast. hmm…

Goal-getter: in a way if you are an achiever or someone that pursues goals, you automatically have my heart, i can easily forgive your shortcomings because this alone carries a lot of burden and confidence.

Humor-If you can make me laugh and make me feel like I have a hanger stuck in my mouth from smiling so much then I will 100% be attracted to you as a person.

Adventurous-I chose this quality because sometimes I am not as adventurous as I wish I was and when I encounter people that are it drives me to step outside of my comfort zone.

Happiness-I am so ridiculously drawn to happy people. I am drawn to people that see the silver lining majority of the time. I am drawn to people that do not let the stresses and struggles control them. I do not like people who are always sad and always have bad things to say about things, because i am a strong believer of  “laws of attraction“.

Eager-This is broad but I guess what I mean is I find eagerness for learning to be very attractive. I have such a thirst for knowledge and love meeting others that do too because then I am able to learn even more. I am allowed the gift of a different perspective.

Digression– I am not in anyway attracted to quiet people, I am a big, fat talker and quiet people with cold eyes make it very easy to make you feel bad about being a talkative and the fact that they can easily tell word for word what you have just said makes it even worse, I am afraid of them actually, because silence can mean a lot of things and if I’m not able to figure you out then i cant be close to you.

There are other qualities (many other qualities) that people have drawn me in with. Attraction is a concept in which we tend to label in the manner of romance but in truth we are all attracted to each other in some way or another whether we are friends, lovers or even complete strangers.