when u go marry?

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God does not give me the option of getting older without turning plus one. I want to get older; I want to be more mature; I want to be wiser; I want to get the experience one only gets by spending more time on earth, but I do not necessarily want my age to go higher – at least not at the rate that it goes. Perhaps, I will feel better if it took eighteen months to turn plus one instead of twelve months.
I am not a child, and I do not wish to go back to my childhood; however, I am really just a kid at heart. The thought of being married excites me; the thought of having a man to call my own fascinates me; the thought of having children that come out of me thrills me, but even more than all that, the thought of leaving my parents terrifies me. Yes, I want to start a family of my own, but I still want to live with my mommy. Who will rub my back when I am feeling down? Who will rub my feet? Who will play with my hair? The probability that my husband will do all these is not very high – unless my husband happens to not be Nigerian which is highly unlikely. I am tempted to get into all the reasons why my mother might be a more romantic husband, but I will save that for another day.
The older I become, the more often I hear that question that no girl ever wants to hear (especially if she does not know the answer to it), “so when are you getting married?” My best friend is getting married in a month’s time, another got married today a few married last month and I have stopped telling people about it because it always leads them to ask me the question I do not want to hear. I do not know when I will be getting married. I do not know how I will be proposed to. I do not know where or when I will be proposed to. But most importantly, I do not know to whom I will be getting married. But no one asks me who I will be getting married to; everyone is concerned about when.
Things have gotten so bad that my mother’s friends’ husband gave my number to his friend who has a son. He told me all the supposed good things about his friend’s son – he is in the military (is that supposed to be a good thing? I hear the military guys are all whores); he flies planes for the military (Oh great! In addition to possibly being hit by a stray bullet, he also runs the risk of dying in a plane crash); he is Hausa (so what? I hear they do not make them like they used to anymore. But then again, were they ever really that good?); he is in med school (how nice! I can look forward to my potential husband spending all his time in the hospital. And let us not forget the student loans), but my He failed to tell me if his friend’s son was single and looking. I guess all that mattered was the relationship between my father and his father.
I concluded that the guy would have to be really desperate to actually call me. I mean, what would he say when he calls me? “Hi, my name is —, and I got your number from my father who got it from your father who said we should mingle and see where this might lead to.” Yeah, there goes the introduction I have been waiting for all my life. I did not expect him to call; he never did call, and my mind forgot the issue. But then months later, my father asked me if he had called, and that was when I remembered him. I am ashamed to admit this, but a part of me was sad. Why did he not call?? He should have at least called to hear my voice. He should have at least considered the possibility of God working in mysterious ways. Yes, indeed, I am pathetic, I know. So that was how my relationship with the flying military man in med school ended before it got a chance to start.
Like I stated earlier, my friend is getting married in a month’s time; another close friend of mine got married this Saturday (October 20th 2012), and yet another friend is getting married in December. Everyone has been asking the same question, and I am sick and tired of saying I do not know. Besides, saying I do not know only prompts the one asking to ask another unanswerable question, “Why now?” What the heck?! I can go ahead and explain to anyone who cares to hear that I have an idea of what I want my wedding gown to look like; I know the exact engagement and wedding ring I want; I know where I want to do my traditional marriage; I know what I want the ceremony to be like; I know what I want the Nikkah wedding to look like; I know what kind of marriage I want to share with my husband, and I even have an idea of the songs we will play that day, the names of our children, and how many I want to look like me (I want at least one boy and one girl to look like me)!
In fact, I also know that I want five children (including a set of twins and two adopted). I am so sure of my twins that I have secretly started calling myself Mama Ejima or Mama Ibeji. Yes, I have claimed it already. All I need now is the ‘who’, but no one is asking me that. I guess all that matters is that I know when I will be getting married. Finding the ‘who’ should not be too difficult seeing as I have thousands of men knocking my door down and asking my parents for permission to pluck the ripe flower in their garden. Yeah, right!

My friend, who has been single since i know her now thinks because she has one guy doing her is feeling different. Suddenly, her new wave of ‘manfullness’ has given her the confidence to have pity on me. She said she will help me out of my predicament. I did not even know I had a predicament!
How am I supposed to tell people when I will be getting married if I do not even have a man to propose? Or am I supposed to propose to myself and marry myself? That would actually not be such a terrible idea since I consider myself the best partner anyone can ever dream of (wink) , but I cannot afford the ring I want. Besides, I kind of need a man to have the five children that I plan on having, and going to a sperm bank is out of the question. Another perk of getting married is the tax breaks that married couples get. Who does not want or need a tax break? I know I do. Oh well, I guess I would just have to wait for my darling to show up. I have to say it is taking him a mighty long time to get here, but with all the humidity and global warming occurring, transportation must have slowed down. That is my story, and I am sticking to it.
Of course, if I could have a meeting with God, I would suggest He creates a Custom-M’ade Spouse program – a program in which people – men and women alike – can create their partner just as they want him or her. But I know this is merely a fantasy that will never come to pass. But if for any reason God decides to create such a program, I will not mind being the first to utilize it. Heaven knows I am in dire need of it. Until then however, I will just have to wait for my darling like every other woman out there.

So when am I getting married? Beats me. But if you find out, do let me know,

kindly comment and share, thanks

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NKEM TO TEMI

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in reply to: https://madekreations.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/temi-to-nkem/

Don’t know where to start or how to put this in words, memories flood my head as i recall the times we share, the smiles the frown the tears the pain the anger and the joy .

it all started so innocently for the honest intentions of a boy trying to help a crying girl to the unexpected evolution from friends to lovers
she came and she showed me care and kindness, attention and devotion all coming in a time when i thought no ONE really did care, I’ve had experiences with woman but she showed me a whole new kind of relationship, ours wasn’t the typical relationship, we played like kids and acted like children but still not loosing sight of ourselves.
we let ourselves go and enjoyed every moment we spent together, she was the light that was at the end of the tunnel. we shared stories and shared emotions, we cuddled up and watched movies, we shared songs and spent the best times together.

it wasn’t all fun and games, she still was hooked on her ex and i was trying to let go of mine as well, i was jealous and somehow i felt i didn’t have the right to be, what used to get me the most was that i would be right by her side and she’ll be talking to her ex, at first i didn’t mind much until it seems to get worse.
i wanted to be the first person she spoke to each morning and the last at night but somehow he seem to always beat me to it, and when i was with her it was like she was with him, because she spent most of our times together either talking to him or texting him. yes i still had issues to deal with my ex but i didn’t bring it between us.
somehow we went through it all and still found ways to enjoy each others company, we were like two lost souls who had found companionship after a long and fruitless search, she made me feel like no other had, i didn’t have to pretend when i was around her, i could be the child and the man at the same time, as much as i hated people doing things for me, somehow i was comfortable with her helping me, and every other girl didn’t seem to exist with her in my life.
she was the reason for my morning smiles and my joyous times. how could one person mean so much to someone else, how could she make me feel like dis without doing much, how could i miss her so much when i was just with her 5mins ago?
she was warm and kind caring to a fault, sometimes she was rude and very jealous but she always listened when i spoke, it was amazing that she could calm me down with just a smile.

Things started to go sour, we fought and argued and fought and argued some more, it got worse and i started to zone out, i went abroad for awhile and things only seemed to get worse, maybe it was cause i was expecting her to get back with her ex during that break. i couldn’t help but anticipate it, it started to affect me, i got distant and i started to pull away, hide my feelings so much it seemed like i started to suffocate it. when i got back and she was waiting i wanted to get things right but the damage i had done was so great that it had also affect her as well, she was distant and cold she wasn’t my baby anymore, it was like we was together not because we wanted to be but because we couldn’t let go for some reason. it killed me to know i was the reason all dis was happening.
How could i have done this to someone that meant the world to me, how could i possibly have loved this wonderful lady and yet hurt her so much, was i so horrible a person that i could cause another human so much pain?
For the first time in a long time i was scared and confused and worried and lost all at once, i used to be the one everyone ran to when they needed advice, i used to be the one that had all the answers and yet i couldn’t find me when i need me the most.
Sometimes i wounder maybe if i had done things a little differently she’ll still be with me, maybe if i had done more and given more, maybe if i had smiled more and worried less things would have turned out different. Maybe if i wasn’t so caught up in my own worry i would have seen the tears in her eyes and the pain in her heart, maybe i would have felt the pain that she felt and maybe just maybe i would have got it right.
I cant change the past so i wont even try, i just want you to know that i am sorry for the hurt, pain and tears i must have caused you and somehow when we see again we can sit and remember the times we shared with a smile on our face.

TEMI TO NKEM: https://madekreations.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/temi-to-nkem/

Why are you single?

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Why am i single?

Oh how I love this question…NOT REALLY! I figured I would address this question because it has been asked of me more times than I can count. No, I am not tooting my own horn by saying that. I am a 21 year old fairly attractive lady so people feel the need to ask. The other day, my bestie and i almost got into a fight when he tried to force me into a date with his cute friend and he reminded me a single lady of 29 with no kids and said, is she my role model? Apparently if you haven’t taken the plunge of marriage and children by a specific age then you are looked upon as a diseased creature….I mean something MUST be wrong with you.

I am single because it is my choice to be single. Sure I would love a companion in my life but another person is never going to define me. Having a boyfriend/being in a relationship is not going to define me. Being married is not going to define me either. These things are not the end all be all of my existence. Maybe I am single because I am stubborn and hard-headed ;0). I spent many years of my life wallowing in my own self-pity. I was too thin. My teeth aren’t perfect. I am too proud. I am always right. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I don’t know when the turning point was but I finally got a big slap in the face and realized that my woes were just superficial. If I was unable to see how amazing I am then how in the hell would anyone else see it. I would be an asset to anyone’s life. There are no if’s, and’s or but’s about it. When I feel moments of self-doubt and self-pity I just turn on youtube videos about young girls being sold into sex slavery or women that have been disfigured by having acid thrown on their faces and I get over it pretty quickly.

I am single because I don’t want to settle. People can tell me that I am picky all day long and my answer to that is, “why shouldn’t I be?” If I want to potentially spend the rest of my life with someone (being married or not) shouldn’t I know for sure it is the right person. I want someone that challenges me not someone that agrees with every thought of mine and someone I absolutely love to talk to….someone that makes me feel 100% comfortable. The fact that i have a lot of male friends makes it pretty hard for the potential boyfriend to be,. I just don’t know how to be or how to act. I don’t want to be phony and I don’t think I am but when you start having a conversation with someone and their eyes gaze in another direction and they blantantly act uninterested then I make no more effort. I do not want to be the one on the dates that holds all of the conversations afloat. I think when it is right with someone the conversation just comes naturally and very easily. After years of dating it does not take long to figure out when you have met you UN-SOULMATE!

I could boast about myself and say that I am single because men are intimidated by my education or passion but I do not believe that to be the case. Yes, I believe I can be intimidating to some people but just the same…some people can intimidate the hell out of me. We are living in a time where dating and romance are drastically different than 40 years ago. I think when it comes down to it I am an old soul that wants the story book romance and if that doesn’t happen then I want to still love life every single day. I can experience different journeys all alone and love them or I can love them in the company of someone that I share my life with. Either way I am going to choose to love life. Love is something I cherish and I define it in a way that it should never be taken for granted to taken lightly.

I guess if anyone wants to know why I am single they can hunt up my exes and those that I have dated in the past and ask them all of the reasons I wasn’t “The One”. While helping a friend last weekend. Of course they were all cutting up with me and hitting on me (yep, they were all married) and one of them said, “You are a cute girl with a good head on your shoulders, why are you single?” My response was, “I don’t know but I feel sorry for all of the guys not dating me.”

But then another consolation for you all that think its bad, is that am still far from that single 29 years old… *wink* mine is working hard to sweep me off my feet.

WHY ARE YOU SINGLE/ IN A RELATIONSHIP?