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Don’t know where to start or how to put this in words, memories flood my head as i recall the times we share, the smiles the frown the tears the pain the anger and the joy .

it all started so innocently for the honest intentions of a boy trying to help a crying girl to the unexpected evolution from friends to lovers
she came and she showed me care and kindness, attention and devotion all coming in a time when i thought no ONE really did care, I’ve had experiences with woman but she showed me a whole new kind of relationship, ours wasn’t the typical relationship, we played like kids and acted like children but still not loosing sight of ourselves.
we let ourselves go and enjoyed every moment we spent together, she was the light that was at the end of the tunnel. we shared stories and shared emotions, we cuddled up and watched movies, we shared songs and spent the best times together.

it wasn’t all fun and games, she still was hooked on her ex and i was trying to let go of mine as well, i was jealous and somehow i felt i didn’t have the right to be, what used to get me the most was that i would be right by her side and she’ll be talking to her ex, at first i didn’t mind much until it seems to get worse.
i wanted to be the first person she spoke to each morning and the last at night but somehow he seem to always beat me to it, and when i was with her it was like she was with him, because she spent most of our times together either talking to him or texting him. yes i still had issues to deal with my ex but i didn’t bring it between us.
somehow we went through it all and still found ways to enjoy each others company, we were like two lost souls who had found companionship after a long and fruitless search, she made me feel like no other had, i didn’t have to pretend when i was around her, i could be the child and the man at the same time, as much as i hated people doing things for me, somehow i was comfortable with her helping me, and every other girl didn’t seem to exist with her in my life.
she was the reason for my morning smiles and my joyous times. how could one person mean so much to someone else, how could she make me feel like dis without doing much, how could i miss her so much when i was just with her 5mins ago?
she was warm and kind caring to a fault, sometimes she was rude and very jealous but she always listened when i spoke, it was amazing that she could calm me down with just a smile.

Things started to go sour, we fought and argued and fought and argued some more, it got worse and i started to zone out, i went abroad for awhile and things only seemed to get worse, maybe it was cause i was expecting her to get back with her ex during that break. i couldn’t help but anticipate it, it started to affect me, i got distant and i started to pull away, hide my feelings so much it seemed like i started to suffocate it. when i got back and she was waiting i wanted to get things right but the damage i had done was so great that it had also affect her as well, she was distant and cold she wasn’t my baby anymore, it was like we was together not because we wanted to be but because we couldn’t let go for some reason. it killed me to know i was the reason all dis was happening.
How could i have done this to someone that meant the world to me, how could i possibly have loved this wonderful lady and yet hurt her so much, was i so horrible a person that i could cause another human so much pain?
For the first time in a long time i was scared and confused and worried and lost all at once, i used to be the one everyone ran to when they needed advice, i used to be the one that had all the answers and yet i couldn’t find me when i need me the most.
Sometimes i wounder maybe if i had done things a little differently she’ll still be with me, maybe if i had done more and given more, maybe if i had smiled more and worried less things would have turned out different. Maybe if i wasn’t so caught up in my own worry i would have seen the tears in her eyes and the pain in her heart, maybe i would have felt the pain that she felt and maybe just maybe i would have got it right.
I cant change the past so i wont even try, i just want you to know that i am sorry for the hurt, pain and tears i must have caused you and somehow when we see again we can sit and remember the times we shared with a smile on our face.