read also: Nkem to Temi :


its been 2years and i just though to let you know my mind.

There goes my baby……now, that song always got me thinking how could i have just watched things slip away, but hey, am here, oh no am not its the new me, am thinking and writing confused and worried if I’ll ever find true love, if  ‘ll ever find that man that’s just like my baby, my big baby i call him, Temi, my L♥√ع, my darling, my happiness, my joy, he’s just everything you want but maybe what makes him human is that he’s not perfect, how can he be when all we do is laugh and fight.

the laugh, did i actually truly laugh in years, yes i did when i was with him; our journey far was all because of mathematics, i remember never seeing anyone like him before, though have seen someone that looks better, he’s tall, dark, handsome not of the finest breed but he’s funny.

In tears, i sat ranting about how am going to cope with the extra loads i had with my new department and all, then he came along, laughing at me saying he’s never seen a pretty-big girl of my age crying in public, but deep inside it wasn’t the math, it was home, it was my boyfriend, it was pressure and i just needed something to blame and when anyone asked i told the same lie, its mathematics and he offered to help me and that was it, i didn’t even ask of his name.

Weeks after weeks i didn’t even remember the deal and then we crossed path again i defensively accused him of dulling me then he said “its you who need help, not i” and i wondered what kind of guy would act/talk so bluntly and then we made another agreement, he would come to my house on Saturdays and Sundays and we barely did maths, all we did was talk, talk and talk, cook together, eat and maybe music.

Weeks after weeks we bonded, shared stories and become closer, he was all about the facts and always blunt about it! Of course i like facts but i never liked bluntness and it was obvious he won’t stop, i had my part but i can’t place that part of my memory.

One night he came over to my house, we talked and talked and he was going to leave and then i just didn’t want him to go and of course he didn’t want to leave either but then the fact is he had to go, it was getting too late and he concluded he would stay at his friends’ close by my hostel and there we asked each other at almost the same time, what do you feel for me (it was funny) we kissed, he was gentle, soft, direct and perfect, we couldn’t stop, it was the most passionate, long and french ever. It wasn’t like the other guys were we argue why we should date or not, he likes me and i was falling for every bit of him. my friends like him and his did me.

From the first kiss, went the second and third and many more passionate kisses. He is just the one, we are alike, he is very athletic, humble, respectful but blunt, straight forward, calm, funny, intelligent, nice, caring, sweet and i can go on but he’s stubborn, argues to the last, obsessive, nonchalant and annoying ( in a sweet way though) we shared almost everything but one thing we didn’t share was agreeing. Temi made me understand what L♥√ع was, he was my friend, my brother and everything and with time we grew to understand each other and we were everywhere together, we would text each other at intervals, he would call me till i fall asleep and he would help me with house chores.

he loves sports but i hate to be the one to wash the socks, or massage his broken ankle or toes, but i L♥√ع that he let me baby him. The fact that he’s so tall and makes me feel so small makes me see a reason to respect him because i can also be very rude,  he would be at my doorstep the moment i say “i miss you bro” we would read, sleep and wake up the next morning and pray together, he there every step of the way, he would stay up at night to rub my back whenever am sick and would be close to tears when i cry and shout in pain, he would not hesitate to walk miles home after he tucks me in bed and its too late to get a cab.

All roads ain’t smooth but ours was, if only we never lamented about minor things if only i stopped messaging my ex and if only he stopped telling me how much L♥√ع had for his ex, if only he’s best friend girl was too close for my liking, if only i didn’t let my past hunt me down with insecurity and i was all nosy and Nagy. If only we prayed more and didn’t let the things o this world get to us. And focus on what we already If only we held on to the sweet memories we shared; the date nights, the beautiful sex we had, the awkward moments we were caught naked, the beautiful gifts we exchanged, the days we would write stuffs together, read together , call our families and all those smiles.

Nkem, that’s what he calls me (his own). But then, maybe it was all too much and things were a little perfect and we fought almost everyday over very insignificant things, we took a break and we just couldn’t handle it and came back together after 48hours of not talking, Temi came knocking on my door and said he was sorry, we were out all night and there was a shooting star and we both made a wish and after a while he asked what i wished and i said i wished that our L♥√ع grows and we can settle down with kids and he didn’t say his (he like to blackmail me) we argued it and ended the night with a kiss.

We had plans to have a nice vacation, i was saving up and was excited then we had a fight about me going through his phone, then the next day i called him and he said he was in Abuja and shunned me off, i was really sad, i had a competition that day and i didn’t do well at all, i called several times and my L♥√ع didn’t pick his calls, only for him to call me the next day saying he was still angry with me and will call me when he’s calm. I missed him so much and cried almost every night, and would even send texts he wouldn’t reply. Finally, he texts me “where are you” and i replied “home” he came over and as usual filled each other in on the days apart, he mentioned talking to his best girl friend everyday while he was away since he didn’t want to speak to me ( i was jealous and angry) then he said ” i went to see  his ex, i can remember vividly my heart pumped, and every strand of hair on my body rose and i kept calm cause i wanted to hear everything but truly i wasn’t listening, i felt loss, heartbreak and disappointment after summing up why he didn’t take me on the trip and why he didn’t speak to me through out and multiplying it with the fact that he kept saying he will always love her, it was fear, hatred and defeat that drown me, i could swear i didn’t hear any other thing. And when we woke up the next morning, i started from that day onward to make silly evaluations and read meaning to everything he said, we fought more often and i stopped checking his phones even though she messaged and called but i was sure i was done.

But how can i be done, when i still L♥√ع him, i talked to friends and family and the more people i talked to, the more confused i was, Temi, had to travel and almost after he left i was sick, i told him but he was always too busy to even checkup on me.  Several thoughts would cross my mind and i just couldn’t think straight anymore, but a piece of me just prayed and hoped for solution, one day, i had to go see my potential brother in-law as i always called him and on leaving there it rained cat and dog, my bike slipped and the next thing i remember is that i was in the hospital, after days i was discharged and i told him what happened, his response was “did i send you there”. i was shocked and that was the last we spoke, i knew something was wrong but i couldn’t place it.

It killed me more because i couldn’t talk to anyone we met back in school and he didn’t mention and i just hated him for that, i was hurt my leg was left with a scar and he didn’t notice, i told him i needed a break and he said he was hoping for that, we clearly didn’t have a good discussion because of pride and fear.

As much as i would like to write more, i just want you to know that despite the hate and irritation i had for you, i would never forget how you made my sister yours, my problem yours, my fear your fear, and how you filled my world with so much joy. All the crazy things we did, all the sleepless night all the sky-ping, all the good sex and all the baby names we argued about, have not shared them with anyone because there will be none like you. I am though still angry and hurt and wanna slap your face right now for that day you had me over to your place and tried so many things called me several names and brought out the monster in me, i would though like to hear from you, and tell me what really went wrong.  The space i created for you still remains and i haven’t found L♥√ع!

Nkem to Temi :