lets VOTE for a trusted FUTURE

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The initiator of The Slum to School Project, Otto Orondaam has been nominated for the Future Awards. Together with several young volunteers he has been able to provide complete educational support and scholarships to over 100 disadvantaged children in slums to several schools.

Let’s Support the movement by Voting: OTTO ORONDAAM/The Slum to School Project for the Innovation on Education category in The Future Awards 2012.

click: http://www.thefuturenigeria.com/vote/education/

Otto is a great friend and motivator, he’s a mentor, initiator and educator. A friend of all, boss of none and Father to many Makoko children.

He’s the initator of the great poem in the mouth of many young children;

Education! Education! Education!
Education, is my friend!
Education!
Education is my friend!
Education!

Pls follow this Process to vote:
1. Go to TFANigeria

2. Select the *OTTO Orondaam* Option

3. Enter your email address and submit;)

4. Go to your email and confirm your vote 😀

Also
To vote via SMS, text TFA, OTTO ORONDAAM, Innovation on Education to 33120 on all networks and for Ghana, 1523 from Expesso & MTN and 1910 on Airtel.

NB// Otto Orondaam is 24years & Not 26years

Let’s support Otto Orondaam & The Slum to School Project Today! Let’s Create More impact:)

Click—–> http://www.thefuturenigeria.com/vote/education/

Gracias!

Leave your thoughts pls,

AISHA n JOSH episode 4

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The Question got me confused. I looked down, Josh‘s lamentation raced through my head. He had complained about how his mum just hates Muslims. He was perplexed; her reasons for such hate were best known to her. I was a bit stunned by the question, completely unprepared for it, Josh seemed prepared so he answered her with a church name I had never heard of. Her face lit up with such a wide smile, one would wonder if she were the one getting engaged. I entered into her outstretched arms and took the warm embrace, still wondering what was happening

She spoke to me like I was her dream daughter-In-Law, I should have been so pleased by the delight in her voice and the excitement as she spoke but I all but resembled her that dream daughter-in-law her son had been telling her about.  Josh had lied about me. I wondered within me which of the emotions I felt was stronger; shame or anger. I couldn’t wait to leave their house and scream out all within me that was bottled up. she was obviously happy with her son because he had never brought home any girl, and now she had made the only one he did uncomfortable. She smiled all the more, trying to make up for it, I was not moved.

Immediately I was alone with Josh outside his house, I turned an angry face. I usually am a timid person but I had enough courage to confront him on why he had lied about me to his mother. He begged and begged for me to listen to him, explaining that his mother is a very tribal person. I could not understand because I was no racist, sexist, ageist, or any -ist so why would someone at that age and status be? From that moment I harboured questions about my relationship with Josh. “Things will get settled once I tell my dad the truth”; was the final word he said before I left. It gave me some comfort and I grew optimistic. I left for Kogi the next day.

I missed Josh so much I could barely think of any other thing or guy, I made few friends and shared my story with them, they loved Josh already but were all worried about his parents rejection of me. I hid under the cover that Josh and I were just kidding around. They were not deceived.  It was obvious I was only consoling myself.

Two months passed since I left school and communication between Josh and I went on smooth. He often spoke of how much he missed me and wanted to see me. He had concluded he was going to take the job at cyprus and we planned i would move over there to study a master’s program of my choice. My mum bought the idea without me mentioning josh as my reason. Things went on as planned. 2 weeks before he was to leave the country, I travelled down to see him. We had a whole week to ourselves, having fun in our usual way. We had hope it will all work out fine.

Things changed and he cared less but I didn’t bother myself too much because I thought it was pressure and stress from travel preparations, I saw pictures of many him and a particular girl on his phone. He gave me different answers each time I asked. I didn’t care because he was leaving town soon and all these girls won’t see him to trouble again. I helped pack his bags and found his travel ticket and passport, it says; UK!
UK? You told me cyprus and showed me your invitation letters, why UK now? He calmed me down as i raised my voice, told me he was going to the UK to get his Visa and do more interviews. My questions were why didn’t he tell me. But he had no reply. I immediately knew Josh had been lying to me. He just kept saying sorry but i didn’t understand. Tears filled my eyes as my leave day approached. The day before, he asked me in the morning when i was leaving i told him “tomorrow” he said; “can’t you leave today? You know i have to go see my family and spend few nights with them. I told him i could stay alone and leave the next day. We argued it for hours before he left in anger. He called severally, i didn’t pick because i was angry.

When Josh returned at about 8pm that day, he said i just had to leave that he can’t leave me in the house. he ordered me to pack my bags and go stay with a friend, i couldn’t figure what went wrong and why he would treat me like that. I called his friend to beg him and i begged him to forgive me for not picking his calls and pleaded that he should let me stay till the next day but he declined. I had no cash on me and i didn’t want to go to a friend but i had to, he said he couldn’t drop me off because he was tired. I left in tears, fear, anger and confusion. When i got to my friend’s she hugged me and told me things would be fine. I wanted to call him again when i realised i forgot my phone there.

I took a bike back to his house, my friend wanted to come but i didn’t allow her because i didn’t want her to see us argue or fight. On getting there; i knocked severally, he didn’t open, i decided to peep through the room window, my heart dropped to my feet and my jaw to my chest at what i saw.

episode 3

episode 2

episode 1

Leave your thoughts pls,

lets just be fwends

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Can men and women be JUST friends?/Can men and women go back to being friends after dating/a relationship?

I just finished meditating. I meditate twice a day for 15 minutes each. I have made this part of my daily routine and have found the benefits of it to be amazing so far and I believe the more I practice the more benefits I will feel/see. I am rambling about this because I should be focused on my project but whenever I come out of meditation I always feel creative and inspired. The thoughts come rushing into my head.  This blog I believe becomes truer and truer day by day because I am able to open up more due to the lessening of stress I feel.

Anyhow, there wasn’t a significant point to that rambling except for my wanting to share. I believe feeling good can be infectious so I guess part of me wanted to put it out there. As far as the above question goes…hmmmmm…..well it is an age old one that is for sure. Can men and women be friends? Can men and women go back to being friends after dating/being in a relationship? Honestly, I really don’t know. I think most people would say yes but I am unsure.

In regards to men (guys) and women(gals) being just friends I do think it is possible. I also think though that a lot is dependent on the type of relationship the two people have. If a male and female spend a lot of time together, doing various things (watching games, going to bars, going to the beach, etc) I do believe at some point there is a solid chance that one will become attracted to the other. A part of me feels that we are built in a way that either draws us closer to someone of the opposite sex or pushes us further away (either because we aren’t attracted to them or because we are and we know it will never happen so we abandon the situation). There are very few guys in my life that I would consider close friends that at some point I did not feel an attraction to at some point. I have had a male roommate and I do look at him as a close friend  but when we first met and became roommates(at a conference) I admit that the thought did ponder my mind about a romantic or intimate relationship. I felt attracted to him but was unsure of what my feelings really were. I pushed the thought out of my head and I still have remained friends with him (the thought of being with him in any physical or romantic way now is not even a possibility) but at that time I realized I needed to keep my life separate in certain ways from his. I needed to focus more on me in order to not get all wrapped up in that kind of situations. So, yes, we are friends but there are boundaries I make sure to never cross. I guess what I am saying is that men and women can be friends but it usually goes along with more rules and regulations.

I can’t believe I am going to admit this (thank goodness I do not use names) but at one time, probably a year and a half back, I had a male friend that I would go to happy hour with and just chill with from time to time. It sounds kind of mean but he was kind of the guy I went to when nothing else was going on and I was itching to get out of the house. This guy is nice but we would not be compatible in the least. He is your stereotypical engineer nerd (yes he even says that about himself) and our personalities are soooooo extremely different. I am bubbly and silly and loud and he is more analytical and “know it all”. We are not a match even a little bit. Our personalities worked together in certain situations. One night we had a party and I admit that the alcohol was flowing. In a mere moment I found myself attracted to him. The thought of him being snuggled up to me in bed entered my mind. The next day I was in complete denial that I ever felt that. I kept telling myself that thought could not have possibly entered my mind. I know to this day I would never want to be with him but for a minute (or maybe for more than a minute and a few drinks) I felt it. I am telling you this because I believe at some point or another, if a man or a woman has a friend of the opposite sex there will come a time they will find themselves attracted to them( maybe that’s why my male friend’s girlfriends don’t like me- duh). I guess what matters the most is how that person reacts to that feeling. I believe 100% at some point or another my roommate considered me in some way or another. I am sure it was just a passing thought but I guarantee it was there. The good thing about us is that there is not a chance we would act on it because we have seen each other so much and know each other so well now that any attraction or romantic/physical possibilities has ceased. I feel like I keep contradicting my answer. See why I said I don’t know. :0)

What I do know (well what I believe, I can’t really say know) is that men and women being friends after dating/a relationship is very rare. The chances of a long-term successful friendship after being involved is slim to none(except they do not see). I believe that it is a form of regression if people try to be friends after being romantically involved. Obviously, if two people have been romantically involved then there is attraction there. Attraction doesn’t simply go away. If it does go away then I believe that there is a good chance you don’t even want to be around that person anymore. I think people need time to heal and explore themselves and potentially meet someone else when the time is right and maybe after enough time has passes then two people that have been romantically involved may be able to become friends again but I still have doubts about it.there was a time i tried bonding with my ex but Friendship was  not an option because i was too drawn to him romantically and physically and the idea of him being with another girl just tore me up. There was no way I could accept that. He said he believed he would seek me out after all was said and done with his breakup and who knows if that day will ever come but I realized that keeping him in my life right now was not going to be healthy for me…and most likely not for him either. I knew deep down that I would be constantly hoping that things would take a turn and he would realize that I was truly what he wanted and he would forget everything else and just dive in.

I finally stopped dreaming and realized I could not live like that. So, through my experiences, and in my opinion, I do not think it is healthy for two people to “try” and remain friends after a break up. I am not implying they should be arch enemies by any means but I do think that people need their space and time away from each other to regain their independence and their individuality. During those times is when you realize what is truly important to you and if a relationship ends like that then long-term was never meant to be. I may be a die-hard romantic and a dreamer but I truly believe that when it is right it is right…there won’t be a whole bunch of breaking up and getting back together, there won’t be the question of whether to date other people, there won’t be an issue of timing. When it is right, in my opinion, there are no questions and no doubts. A friendship later could be possible but I think initially is not the right time.

What do you think?

Qualities of Attract-ion

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Well, it is official, I am sick, i have been feeling a lot under the weather these days and my oxygen-routine changed,a situation where you get to feel under pressure at night and more relaxed during the day causing you to sleep more during the day, it could be a symptom to many things ( even pregnancy- will you criticize me if i am?). have been too lazy and even grown more nonchalant to see a doctor (very much against what i preach), no production through out last week, no new designs and i didn’t write anything until today.

Anyhow, in my clouded haze I stumbled upon the question of attraction. I wanted to pose the question in a manner that was not directly linked to romantic attraction. In my opinion, attraction is the sense of being drawn to someone whether it be because of the way they look or their mannerisms. Many things can attract one person to another. How many times have you encountered someone you may not find physically appealing but once they speak and engage in conversation you find that you are attracted to their person…to their being. You may not necessarily feel a romantic connection but you feel a desire to be around them.

There are a ton of qualities I find attractive in people. Confidence (confidence not cockiness or arrogance) is probably one of the most attractive qualities a person can have. When a person is obviously secure with themselves they exude a natural happiness in life. I love to be around people like this because it makes me feel like they are living their ultimate bliss. I believe in the law of attraction as well so I choose to surround myself with people like this as often as I can.

The ability to make people smile and to treat people with a great amount of respect to draw people in. These are some of the most attractive qualities that a person can hold within themselves. These are the qualities that attracts me to others and make me want to build relationships with people. Times have changed though. Society has changed and media has emerged in a way that has (at least I believe) has made us lose those personal connections with each other. When I find qualities like this in a person, I hold onto them with dear life. These qualities portray a sense of balance. In this crazed world, if a person is able to keep up with media and technology but still maintain personal relationships on deep levels then I am hooked.

People are all so different and that is what makes life so interesting to me. I have been drawn to complete strangers because of only mere words they have spoken or body language that portrays passion and desire.…some of these things may cause romantic(wink wink) feelings in me while others may cause a desire to want to get to know the person more and hear more about their lives and adventures.

Creative / artistic -I am absolutely drawn to people that love creating in some way or another-whether it be through writing, painting or music. Someone that exudes passion in a creative form.

Physical appearance– i am strongly attracted to either a girl or boy/man by their looks, i keep a lot of people just because they amuse and interest me just by their looks, dressing, appearance and carriage, it actually helps me to want to look better. For guys- especially heights, i can hug YOU till the next full moon.

Kindness-It may seem like an obvious thing to be attracted to but kindness comes in many forms. I am attracted to people that perform kind acts naturally, without even realizing that they are doing it. A simple gesture of remembering something about yesterday and asking or asking if you had breakfast. hmm…

Goal-getter: in a way if you are an achiever or someone that pursues goals, you automatically have my heart, i can easily forgive your shortcomings because this alone carries a lot of burden and confidence.

Humor-If you can make me laugh and make me feel like I have a hanger stuck in my mouth from smiling so much then I will 100% be attracted to you as a person.

Adventurous-I chose this quality because sometimes I am not as adventurous as I wish I was and when I encounter people that are it drives me to step outside of my comfort zone.

Happiness-I am so ridiculously drawn to happy people. I am drawn to people that see the silver lining majority of the time. I am drawn to people that do not let the stresses and struggles control them. I do not like people who are always sad and always have bad things to say about things, because i am a strong believer of  “laws of attraction“.

Eager-This is broad but I guess what I mean is I find eagerness for learning to be very attractive. I have such a thirst for knowledge and love meeting others that do too because then I am able to learn even more. I am allowed the gift of a different perspective.

Digression– I am not in anyway attracted to quiet people, I am a big, fat talker and quiet people with cold eyes make it very easy to make you feel bad about being a talkative and the fact that they can easily tell word for word what you have just said makes it even worse, I am afraid of them actually, because silence can mean a lot of things and if I’m not able to figure you out then i cant be close to you.

There are other qualities (many other qualities) that people have drawn me in with. Attraction is a concept in which we tend to label in the manner of romance but in truth we are all attracted to each other in some way or another whether we are friends, lovers or even complete strangers.

Lost art of conversation

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In behavior, culture, parenting, Technology, urban life, life, domestic life, family, children

At home, families sit together, texting and reading e-mail. At work executives text during board meetings. We text (and shop and go on Facebook) during classes and when we’re on dates…

We’ve become accustomed to a new way of being “alone together.” Technology-enabled, we are able to be with one another, and also elsewhere, connected to wherever we want to be. We want to customize our lives. We want to move in and out of where we are because the thing we value most is control over where we focus our attention. We have gotten used to the idea of being in a tribe of one, loyal to our own party.

One of the rituals I enjoy with my friends is the few moments i get to share with them when i leave work before heading to my house or the weekends just before we go out. This 30minutes physical conversation always bring life into what we share…

But sitting across the table from someone, sharing a glass of wine or cup of coffee, seems to have become an unimaginable luxury. How else can we ever get to know one another? New things happen everyday That take a lot of trust and courage. I don’t think most of us would want to share such intimacy only through a computer or phone screen.

I love road trips, 4-6 hours with my friends or family. You get a lot said, and the silences are companion-able and even when am travelling alone, i make new friends..

Recently, i threw a birthday party and for the first few hours there were only few people. Instead of meeting and networking, everyone was busy on the blackberry social media pinging, tweeting and facebooking. When did we finally lose the touch of meeting people and walking up to them. How many of your  contacts have you actually met or how many do we even call.

At a point i though it was the DJ but then, i realised it wasn’t because if you came with your friend and another with his girlfriend and they can’t take that time to connect or have a lovely conversation. Then truly conversation is lost. After i shuffled them and mixed people up, then conversation started, mostly like a reunion for some and a new meet for others.

Now, a guy sees a girl he likes and usually, he should walk up to her, all he does is ask for her pin or facebook name. Its getting more awkward by the day as we all focus and measure the amount of L♥√ع someone has for us by this social network aided by TECHNOLOGY forgetting that most people don’t remember you until facebook reminds them or there’s a mention on twitter and mostly updates on bbm.

I cannot stand a month virtual conversation without a meet, only exceptions of very long distances. And that’s when i can share my mobile number with you, so i can place a voice to that personality
.
As you can see, conversation is my oxygen. I love meeting fun new people and hearing their stories.

Do you make time in your life now for face to face conversations?

With whom and how often?

If not, do you miss them?

Friend with Benefits

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I find the notion of “friends with benefits” (FWB) or people who aren’t dating or otherwise committed to each other but hook-up regularly quite fascinating. In university, I had many friends who were involved in such arrangements, but rarely were they actually friends with their FWB. In almost every instance that I recall a FWB relationship was never the goal, but always the last resort for the girl. If a girl really liked a guy who wasn’t interested in a relationship, the girl would often continue to hook-up with him while implementing a subtle and devious plan designed to change his mind. This plan was generally as follows:

Stage 1: Girl engages in “no strings-attached” sex with the boy in order to prove how cool, chill, and awesome in bed she is.

Stage 2: Girl increases amount of daily texts and online communication with the boy.

Stage 3: Girl begins sneakily trying to spend the night at boy’s place. Excuses may include “I’m so exhausted, you totally wore me out…do you mind if I just spend the night here?” or “My roommate is having her crazy loud friends over again- last time they didn’t leave until 4 am and I really need a good night’s sleep…can I just crash here?” Cue the incessant spooning.

Stage 4: Now that girl has established a somewhat regular nightly presence at the boy’s place it’s time to make that presence known. If the boy has room mates the girl will be mingling with them while they awkwardly try to make their morning coffee. At this stage the girl will also become territorial over the boy’s bedroom. She will try to leave subtle reminders of her presence to ward off any other potential women that the boy may be involved with.
I have had so many guys ask me why girls are so forgetful: “Don’t they realize that they’re missing like five pairs of underwear, a t-shirt, their toothbrush, a comb, and a bunch of lotion-type-girly stuff I have no idea about?” Oh yes, they realize. They know exactly what they’re doing. They want any other girl that you bring home to know that you’re already more seriously involved with someone else. A guy could go weeks without noticing the earrings that were strategically forgotten on the night stand or the issue of Cosmopolitan that has miraculously appeared in the bathroom along with a pile of potpourri, but trust me, these things will not go unnoticed by other women.

Stage 5: Since the domicile has been effectively canvassed, it’s time to take this show on the road and start being “accidentally spotted” together with the boy in public. Cue the emergency ride to class, the “I’m starving, want to grab breakfast…at the most jam-packed place in town where ALL of our friends hang out?” And my personal favorite…the fake-a-date emergency. This is a classic and is not novice move. In this scenario there is some semi-formal event like a dance, a company function, a wedding- something that you would typically require a date. The novice will ask her boy to accompany her “just for fun- not as a couple or anything.” The boy will see right through this and will immediately decline by giving her the first excuse that pops into his head. The expert will create an entire back-story, and will often start laying the groundwork weeks before hand. For instance, a couple of weeks before said event she may mention that she has invited someone to attend with her. If no signs of jealousy from the boy ensue, a few days later she may mention how her invitee is starting to get clingy- she may even be starting to get concerned that he’ll want a relationship. If her boy toy still makes no attempt to intervene there will inevitably be a dramatic event that leads to her breaking the date. Maybe the invitee did something completely inappropriate (points for acting like you have self-respect) or perhaps he was just way too into her (points for being irresistible AND for being too cool to commit). Now she’s without a date to the event, all because she is just a cool, chill, fun girl who likes to have casual sex! No fair…”Maybe we should just go together,” she’ll say to her FWB. “That way we won’t be expecting anything from one another and we’ll just get drunk and party…I mean we’re both going anyway, why not just carpool and save money on gas and parking?” Seems reasonable, thinks the boy. He might be sweating a bit but reluctantly agrees because you can’t argue with logic (#1 boy rule- just FYI ladies). Here’s where it gets messy. The girl spends an unreasonable amount of money and time getting all dolled up to blow his mind and stealthily instructs ALL of her friends to take tons of photos (both candid and posed) of her and her FWB to later post, tag, like, and comment on later on Facebook. They get to the event and it’s like they’ve been hunted down by the paparazzi. But it only gets better, because that’s when alcohol gets involved. The boy drinks because he is started to realize what a terrible mistake he’s made and the girl drinks so that she’ll have an excuse for all of the shenanigans she is about to pull. First comes that “hahaha omg I’m so drunk, I’m going to hold on to you so I don’t fall” then comes the “let’s dance! It will be so fun! Oh how embarrassing…I didn’t know it was going to be a slow song…” and the inevitable “Let’s take a picture…OH WHOOPS I kissed your cheek…total accident, my bad” (as she uploads it as her new Facebook profile picture).

Stage 6: Boy realizes he has made a terrible mistake and decides that it’s time to reevaluate the relationship with his FWB. Maybe the boy will just stop talking to her completely, or maybe he will continue to see her but will flaunt his escapades with other women in front of her to make sure that she knows that they are in no way monogamous. Either way, the girl usually ends up crying on the phone to me about it. “I don’t know why he is acting this way! It was more than just sex…I know he cared about me…I think it just got too real for him.”

The message here ladies is that a FWB arrangement is not an effective solution for getting a boy to commit to you. However, it does raise an intriguing question: If a girl was to enter into a FWB arrangement purely for the purpose of getting some action, with no hopes at all of having a traditional relationship evolve, could it work? I have read articles that claim that women experience a biological reaction post-sex that causes them to have feelings of attachment that mimic those of love for their partner. If this is true, and women really are simply victims to the girly chemicals in their brains, then it seems that a FWB arrangement could never be a solution for sexual satisfaction without those pesky emotional attachments. I am hesitant however, to accept this seemingly sexist and weakly supported science. Being attracted to someone is not the same as having feelings for them, and having sex is not the same as being in love. What do you think? Can friends with benefits arrangements actually be beneficial for girls?

Credits: K