Broken Hearts Never Mend…

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Vanishing Broken Heart…
I’ve been wondering of late at what point the human heart shuts down, and emotions end? When does your heart say, “Look I’ve had enough. I’m tired of being betrayed, stabbed in the back, left to slowly bleed out. I’m done. I have no more to give. To anyone. Leave me alone.”

What pushes it to that point? Where it’s walls are so thick and so high and so immovable that nothing can get through. Where it’s turned to stone. Indifferent and cold. How many darts can be hurled at it from all types of sources? How many knives twisting to the core? How many times can it be shattered, abandoned, stabbed, disappointed, emptied and left for dead before it simply vanishes?

And then what?

What happens when it’s a lump of gannet in your chest? Does it ever go back to pliable sand? What would motivate it to care? And why after years of friends, family, lovers, trying to drain the life out of it, why would it ever want to?

 

Broken hearts never mend. They may put a turnikate on and keep functioning. They may even close the gaping wound over time. But they never really, fully mend. The scars are there. And after a while scars upon scars turn to cartilage (I’m no doctor, but even I know that!)… and cartilage becomes so think and unflexible that it causes it’s own pain in addition to the pain it’s covering up.

 

It’s a very real fear I have. The past few years have taken their tole on my heart from every angle. I believe that in life you get what you give… which leaves me as the common denominator, I’m smart enough to figure that out. But I look at the ones who’ve thrown daggers in the front and back of my heart the past few years including my immediate family, and all the ones I’ve put myself out there for and loved only to be betrayed in the end… and I ask myself the very serious question…What the fuck?

In each case circumstances vary. Family is definitely different than lovers, and friends obviously. But all I can think is, how can someone who’s professed their love for you turn their back so quickly? To steel a line from Katy Perry“spit me out like I was poison in your mouth”. It’s a valid question. I can’t think of anyone in my lifetime that I have treated that way. Where one day I was on their side, and in their corner and the next I was throwing them under the bus. Standing by to watch it crush them with a satisfied smirk on my face. I just don’t have that in me. I’m full of flaws, obviously. But I could never be cold and malicious like that. I can’t get my head around how many people are that way though. Why are they always the ones I wind up trusting? When will my dumbass learn?
I don’t want to give up on whats good and beautiful in life. I don’t want to close my heart to the opportunity of how amazing love can be, but at what point does that stop being my choice? I don’t want to wake up one day ten years from now and realize that it happened long ago. I know I can control it, but that takes the desire and will to rise above yet again… and I’m just so tired.

if killing wasnt a sin!!!!!!!!! hmmm…. just if!

M’

DATING outside marriage…

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In the generation before ours, and in the generation before the generation before ours, there were people – men and women – who questioned if marital fidelity truly existed. And now, in this generation, here I am, among many others, questioning the same issue, wondering if it is just an ideology instead of an actual day of life.

There have been many cases of married men who have come to speak the words to me that in their heads, no woman can say no to: I want to marry you. There have been men who have tried to pretend to be unmarried, men who have said they are unmarried but quickly explained why their wives have made it an unbearable marriage, and why I, have been sent by God to save them, and there have been men who have sat on the fence, not saying what they are or aren’t, but playing with the idea of being whatever they thought I wanted them to be. But every single time, I am left wondering what kind of women they are married to and what said women are going through.

I remember specifically the case of that guy at Oriential, i went for a “fund raising event”. He had just moved to the Island from another State, and it was his first time at a fund raising event. He approached me and tried to sell his business to me, saying he could help my own business. At the end, business cards were exchanged. Apparently, he was a friend of a colleague. That evening he called and sang a different song. He wanted to know if he could take me to dinner, and if I could be his mistress. Brownie points for not being pretentious.

I learned a lot from him in that one conversation. I learned that he was married with kids, that his wife was pompous and thereby, the inherent cause of his displeasure and dissatisfaction, that monogamy was unnatural, that biblical men were never monogamous (like David), that infidelity actually makes a marriage stronger because when a man sleeps with another woman, it makes his wife more desirable, that he was going to give me money out of his school stipend whenever I needed it, that all I needed to do for him was keep him company by cooking for him, going on dates with him, and of course, letting him invade my privacy with the only appendage that makes him think he’s a man, and finally, that he will let me get married when it’s time. It was just the offer of my dreams. I cannot imagine why I turned it down.

But it was only a couple weeks later that he stood on the altar and sold his product to the crowd, praising the Most High God, and saying how imperative it was to live a holy life and obey His word. And the congregation, they clapped for him and shouted wowza, amen, and glory. And when he was done, they invested their hard earned money into his cock shit which was meant to inspire and raise more funds for the widowed and orphans. They called it a sowed seed. I knew better. I sat and watched in horror as he led God’s people astray. And then, I prayed for God to help me, for it was not my place to determine if the ground should open up and swallow him or if lightening should strike through the ceiling and transport his soul to his forefathers.

There are many arguments from the other side, arguments that pass off as excuses, not justifications. Just because we can do something does not mean we should do it. But the other side, they have different reasons why a married man cheats. It is because his wife has gotten fat, because she cares more about her career than she does about her home, because she did not give him children, because she did not give him male children, because she is disrespectful and not submissive, because she does not cook, and because there are women who are willing to be cheated with.

As long as there are women who are willing to be cheated with, married men will always cheat. Should we then all point guns to our heads because there are guns willing to be shot, because we have the hands to shoot them, and because we have enough problems to want to end it all? When a man who is unable to handle the trials of life decides to take his own life, he is called a punk for taking the easy way out. But if this same man were to take the easy way out by cheating on his wife instead of just walking away, he is called *DRUM ROLL, PLEASE* … a man! Oh, but of course.

It was only few months after pastor perfect marriage, that I made the acquaintance of Adebayo Omoju Akanni at a mutual friend’s house. He calls himself Omoju. He was there with his wife and daughter. The conversation between me and Omoju did not go past gadgets. Specifically, Blackberry and samsung tabs. I saw him again a couple of weeks later at a naming ceremony where again, he inquired of my tab. When he added me on Facebook, I accepted because he was now officially someone I technically knew.

But Omoju sent me a Facebook message that changed the dynamic of things. He said he had dreamt about me twice the night before, that he thought there was something about me, that he did not know how to tell his partner, that he wanted me to keep his feelings between us –“no third party please” – and what did I think. I did not reply.

When followers on twitter added me on bbm during the chat with me on a saturday morning, I accepted everyone as usual, only to realize that Omoju was one of the people who added me. The hawk had sneaked in with the chickens. He wanted to know my number, if I had received his messages on Facebook, why I had not replied his messages, and if I was worried about his marital status. I promised to reply his message on Facebook.

Days later, I had still not replied Omoju, and he took it upon himself to send several more messages, inquiring of my whereabouts and stating that he was sure I could not possibly be that busy. Of course not. What else could I have on my to-do list, but to reply Omoju’s messages?

Women have more reasons than I know of for dating married men: money, sex, love, infatuation, good looks, prestige, fun, lack of commitment, ignorance, etc. It is said that if one must eat a frog, then one should eat a very fat one. Neither wealth nor fame nor extreme good looks nor intellectual acquisition did Omoju have. Even at rock bottom, I would have no excuse. But what is it that compels his confidence?

When I replied his message and included a four-letter word that rhymes with his insatiable meatless appendage – the possible cause of all his problems – I also predicted his next move. And just like the fly that entered the grave with the dead body, he did as I said he would. He said it was not him, that he did not know what I was talking about, that his Facebook and Skype accounts were both simultaneously hacked, and that I should please explain to him what was going on. In spite of his alleged innocence, he went ahead to call several mutual friends, telling them to plead his guilty case. The smart ones knew better.

Whether or not women have – by their words and by their actions – enabled their husbands to start illicit affairs is not a subject for debate. The honest ones among us know what we have done and what we are capable of doing. That said, the decision to stay faithful and stick it out or seek pleasure elsewhere is still the man’s decision. It is still a choice, and just like every other choice, the one making it has to own full responsibility for it. And not every man has an enabling wife. Some men just want to eat out of both hands.

Omoju’s wife contacted me to commit the ultimate blunder, an epic fail in its entirety. Her husband, according to her, would never stoop so low. I agree with her. It is impossible to stoop to any kind of low when you are already at the bottom. There is only one time that a married woman should contact the alleged other woman, and that is when her husband has done everything in his power to get rid of her. In any other case, contacting the other woman is like changing her light bulb when there is no electricity. Whether she uses sixty watts, hundred watts, or halogen lights, they will remain off. She can contact the other woman from now till kingdom come, but he who contacts her last, contacts her best. And that would be the cheating husband. Even after this unexplanable act, Omoju still calls me princess and tells ma how unappealing and disrespectful is beautiful glowing wife is.

If this entire piece reads as if I mostly hold the married man accountable for his affairs, it is because I do. Morally, it is clear that no woman should be romantically or sexually involved with a married man who is not her husband. But between the lawless woman and the married man, only one of them has made a vow and commitment to another woman saying that he will forsake all others and cling only to his wife, saying that he will stick by her, come what may, till life evades him. Records will reflect that that person is not the lawless woman.

People may be quick to blame the other woman, calling her a whore and a home breaker, but it is from the crack in the wall that the lizard crawls in. If the married man did not open the door of his home, the other woman would not be able to step in and do whatever she is accused of doing.

And if you are the whore, hoe, magstress he is cheating with, he will dump you and if he doesnt, remember, the stroke used for the first son is in keep for the last. But what do I know? I am just an unmarried girl giving marital advice. I may soon be directed to go hug a transformer. If it is Optimus Prime, then I would not mind.

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MY MOTHER – HBBD

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Who sat and watched my infant head
When sleeping on my cradle bed,
And tears of sweet affection shed?
My Mother.

When pain and sickness made me cry,
Who gazed upon my heavy eye,
And wept for fear that I should die?
My Mother.

Who taught my infant lips to pray
And love God’s holy book and day,
And walk in wisdom’s pleasant way?
My Mother.

And can I ever cease to be
Affectionate and kind to thee,
Who wast so very kind to me,
My Mother?

Ah, no! the thought I cannot bear,
And if God please my life to spare
I hope I shall reward they care,
My Mother.

When thou art feeble, old and grey,
My healthy arm shall be thy stay,
And I will soothe thy pains away,
My Mother.
Ann Taylor

dont stop!

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playing sound track –  DONT STOP!

Earlier this morning at about 12: 23 am i was trying to re assure myself that i was on the right track, a lot have been going on in my life recently, i need to make major decisions that would affect me for the next first two years of my life and these first two years will also build who i intend to become in the next five years which would be about three years from the first two years ( well that’s how confusing my thought process have become) I am a people’s person but i recently have been tagged strong so getting concrete advice from people have been hard because even they come to me for some. I have been stuck with myself, twitter, my new job role, new series and my latest best male friend. Even though all these things and people give me hope and make me see a sweet reflection of myself i cant seem to get a grip of it. i looked through a cupboard where i keep books and files and finding my 2011 black book on a normal ground was suppose to make me feel great about my self because truly i have evolved, i am a better person, i write for pleasure and inspiration, i have my coy registered, i am in-love with myself, i have a good job and good colleagues, i have a complete healthy family, i have a close boyfriend 🙂 ( yeah right), i have people who look up to me, i am gracefully serving my father’s land, i have almost finished my first book, i have a lot of inspirations and aspirations, my fashion line is growing, i am becoming a better muslimah. God has been faithful but really and truly within myself i do not feel fulfilled and in August I had a major breakdown because i couldn’t figure out what i truly wanted for my self what i am truly good at doing, people’s idea of who i am is gradually taking me away from my personal goals and dreams, pride is beginning to set in, fear and sense of incompleteness is almost taking over my personality.


But alas! i have so much to be grateful for, so so much i can not mention all, I needed something to keep me going something to help drive my decision making process, something to curb my fears, something…. just something to make choosing between three major careers of my life and prioritizing my next goals EASIER. I couldn’t find, i got bored of thinking, I spoke to a friend and the same thing was said ” you have great potential, i respect you so much and i wish you can see a reflection of what you are, you inspire people, you make people feel good about themselves, you create lives and mentor both young and old” these were her words, i wasn’t exactly touched because i hear them at least once in a while. my mum reminds me everyday of how proud of me she is, my sisters looks up to me, i am currently mentoring 3o kids into entrepreneurship but i just dont feel fulfilled.
Having what i want sometimes make me act silly I remeber one sunday morning I woke up with this hunger for “akara”, I tweeted about it and got a very good friend and neighbour of mine @hobalola to be interested too, we set out to buy akara knowing fully well we might not get it, we asked several people on twitter and got several responses, after trying about six spots on the adeniji adele axis, we dashed to his friend (@engr_ejo)’s house hoping to get akara around his aboda, but unfortunately we didnt, he contacted the akara virus immediately, the rain poured heavily after we waited a few minutes we agreed it wont be a bad idea if we scouted for akara under d rain before the people selling pack up, we got two umbrellas and swappped simultaneously as we roamed the street of lagos looking for akara, we had covered the west part of eko in an hour under the rain and in the flood looking for akara, it got to a point we wouldnt mind were they were frying akara for someone’s burial but we didnt see, apparently people stopped dying on the island or maybe no one died 41 days ago,abi?.

Another 30minutes had passed it was already half 11 am, we were hungry and tired, found a nice spot to chill and eat puff puff. it was so nice but we were not tempted into remitting our money to the mallam frying it. This time we were at Idumota coming from Tinubu Square, on getting there i called a cousin of mine who promised we would see in their area, I was so happy and glad, we draggedourselves down and up the dirty streets of Idumota going to the obas palace around were my cousin stays, we got there with hopes and smiles on our dear faces, we sat on a bench just by the corner, it had been a great journey after searching for akara on a rainy sunday, we finally got to a spot were we would find. my cousin arrived and gave the bad news that the woman had packedup, i was sad and close to tears, i really do want to eat akara that day, i havent had it since the begining of the year and i never start what i wont finish. i felt defeated i was willing to go all the way to Ebute Metta or even Ikorodu if i would find the akara but everyone discouraged me that it was a sunday afternoon already and no one would fry akara 9 ofcourse i added that to my goals that some day soon, i would sell sunday akara and other stuff people dont get to see and buy on sundays).
Before heading back home, i went to greet my grandaunt as you know(if you pass in front of obas palace you must greet him) she scolded me at my foolish adventure into finding akara and blamed the jobless boys who followed me all the way and said ” cant you fry akara in your house?” wow! non of us thought of that but even if we did, i dont know how todo it, i have never tried it. it was time to go home and we realised we had spent all the N200 we had to buy akara on transport and puff puff, it means even if we saw akara, there would be no money to buy it. foolish us. but atleast we tried, we got back home really tired and angry but you know what? we didnt Stop!


we didnt stop our quest, we bought beans, pilled it together, added neccessary sauce: fish, beef, oil, pepe and the likes, mixed it up and started frying. we didnt know how to measure or fry after the first set got burnt, we did the next very well. it came out in funny shapes and sizes but the outcome was great and delicious, we shared with family and friends and now our story and stupid journey was worth it.
At this time 3:45am i thought to myself, even though everyone thinks I’m fulfilled, some think i have arrived and some dont even recognise me, my personal golas have not been achieved, though i might be confused and helpless but i will buy my beans, make my mixture, fry my akara and I wont stop trying! and the few i don’t get right i will seek help.

dont stop!!!!

Aisha n Josh ~ episode 12

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On this day, I woke up very early and excited. I had made breakfast, washed some clothes and cleaned my room. Since the 7th month, Aunty had given me and my mum a place in the house, sort of like a BQ but with two rooms. The one I chose was repainted and furnished, its about the time I started getting excited about things and the arrival of a new life. Behind those smiles were my eagerness to drop my baggage and start a new life, go to cyprus where no one knew me or my story. It probably is the wrong reason to be happy but at least I am.

After breakfast, I was on a call with Aman; he asked if he could come visit. He had been asking since the beginning of the week but I didn’t think it was necessary. I mentioned it to my mum she didn’t think it was a bad idea, I still didn’t give him the permission to. But this morning, I could use some visit. I was eager to show someone external my new room/nursery. In half an hour, he was at the main gate, all bright and smiles. Obviously happy to see me. Maybe weird but it feels like I’ve known him for ever, it feels like he now owns a part of me, we had a long afternoon talk. He helped me with stuff, cooked my meal and wrote a letter to my unborn child :). My mum was nosy all through the time and when he was about leaving, I felt all teary and sad. I tried to walk him to his car, parked far down the road because he didn’t know the exact block. I felt a sharp pain in my back, I was quick to hide it, but it was too much I couldn’t hold it back. I screamed and called attention to myself. Aman was afraid, he thought I hit my leg or something. My mum was still at the gate, she rushed towards me, before I knew it, my water broke on the streets.

Aman is a strong looking man with great physic, he’s tall, fair and quite handsome, he’s Idoma and speaks really good Yoruba and Hausa. His grandmother whom I usually see with him is actually not his grandmother but his mum. I practically called her grandma because she looks and act like one, she had him when she was 47 and now he’s 28 you can imagine. He’s got a really good job because he’s not only intelligent but also has an influential father. He would refer to him as grandpa because his father always lamented how he should have been his grandpa if not for his coming late.
At that point I was exhausted and dizzy. My mum knew the baby was coming. Then, it dawn on me that the time had finally come. My aunt was out with the car, thank God Aman brought his. He drove mum and I down to the hospital, waited for the 7hours it took me to deliver. After the long day, and several push from the doctor and consolations from the nurse. The first thing I heard was, “call the father to come cut his cord”. Father?! His?! I tried to open my tired eyes to see who was there, but iwas too tired to do that. where is the father coming from with no hesitation, the body entered the room, quite tall and all smiles. I had a boy!

Let’s remember to #Savemusbaudeen
#saveAlife http://t.co/yU0SvvwN pls RT and donate

Musibaudeen Shittu is a 2yrs old boy who was recently diagnosed to be living with ‘HOLE IN HIS HEART’. His heart condition is deteriorating and has been medically classed as a HIGH RISK case and life threatening situation.
Kindly make donations into ;
Account Name: SHITTU MUSIBAUDEEN
Account No: 2058239672
Bank          : UBA, Ifako- Gbagada branch,Lagos

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Fear of Karma!

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Hi everyone, my name is Kamila and I love my boyfriend. Big deal? No! But how I came to love him, big deal? Yes!!

I’m such a fun girl, I’m more of an extrovert, loving, playful, sassy but a bit responsible, I can be crazy when necessary and I can be gentle if required.

I’m not exactly faithful, well until recently. I love to experiment even though I’m not a scientist. I just finished my ACCA exams and it was a success. Thank Goodness karma, didn’t try to deal with me in that area because that would have been a big loss.

I’m 24years old, from a middle class family and well mannered. I have three siblings, two brothers and a sister. I’m the third child but I get no pampering because my parents are disciplined. I was thought the right ways of the lord but I also learnt from the streets Yo!

I will not bore you with my life but I’ll ask you to please read carefully. I don’t know why I approached M’ade but I just thought I’ll use her platform to get my story out.

I have been dating my present boyfriend for about 3years now. We have been weak, strong and determined but it didn’t change who I am or what I love to do. I am an extrovert, he’s more of an introvert and my relationship with him gets really boring, I particularly don’t have many friends and my best friend is happy married.

Since she got engaged I brought myself to reality because we met our boyfriends at approximately the same time and I wondered what I was doing with mine.

Since my first sexual intercourse, I have slept with six guys, most of whom I slept with after I met my boyfriend, we never had any official breakup but whenever it gets boring I find myself cheating.

Usually, I’m never in regret but I’m afraid of my past catching up with me. He probably has cheated but he’s a guy. He lies and pretends but whenever it’s about me, its 100%.

Back to why I’m writing this, recently about 6months ago, my boyfriend and I always had issues of how to chill and hangout, but he always wanted us to sit at home and do nothing which leads us to either too much or too little sex. That’s not what I want; I want to be adventurous with my boyfriend. I want to go shopping, see movies, laugh outside, go visiting friends and xxxxxxxx just under the sky. He’s gotten boring by the day. Each time I complain he promises to adjust, and after about 2days he’s back to his boring old self.

I love him and I’m ready to do whatever he wants, but being boring isn’t just working. So, one of my friends noticed my constant complaint on my personal status on BBM and asked what’s up with me. I reluctantly answered because I never discuss my relationship. A lot of girls are out there single, they just complicate yours. She advised I make new friends, try new platforms and learn to be happy without my boyfriend. She then asked what kinda guy I liked. I gave her the girly description of a perfect man. She wowed me by sending pictures of the intended boredom saver. I immediately disapproved of him because he is fair skinned. She laughed and said he was fair to the heart. We exchanged contacts and that’s how it began.

Day 2, into my chatting up with Hussain has been amazing. Oh Hussain is his name, we from the same state. He works in a cargo company and lives in Port Harcourt just around my parents second home. My present boyfriend also works with a communication company in Port Harcourt but I school in Lagos. Just one week into our friendship, I knew almost everything about Hussain more than I can say about any guy I had met. He makes me smile, happy and free. We talk about everything and anything. He’s just a sweet guy. But I still wasn’t sure of his personality since it was virtual. Then we decided to meet. It was magical, as we were both thinking the same things. On my arrival at the airport, Hussain was there waiting for me with flowers. He took me home and got me lunch. Not that I’m comparing but I just need you guys to see it all. My Boyfriend Kamal has never picked me up from the airport even if it’s a weekend and his office is on the airport road Port Harcourt. I never complained because I had never tasted the other side. Hussain calls me up for lunch and talks to me about everything including his girlfriend as I did him mine.

I consciously and unconsciously daily expressed my love for him and all he did was smile, he never told me he liked me but his action shows it. I became confused as I never worried about chatting or calling Kamal. Time passed and we felt more close and intimate, we had our first weird kiss and the several followed. I took my time but I also wanted it. He was sweet and fun. I didn’t feel a bit of guilt about it and I still don’t.

Two months ago my parents asked me to bring home a man and because my mum had met Kamal, she expects me to bring him but I needed to make clarifications with my mind. I tried discussing with myself in the mirror but it kept bouncing back. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because it sounded insane. I love Kamal sooo much because every time I cheat or draw away from him, we sometimes find ourselves in each other’s arms like we were meant to be together. I love Hussain because he’s sweet, adorable and makes me ‘happy’. I’m happy with Kamal but I fear it might fade out of boredom.

I spoke with Hussain about meeting my parents and how they wanted my man home, he reluctantly responded, I know it’s too soon but I just hope he’ll at least say something about his feelings for me. I needed him to give me a go ahead or stall my parents but he didn’t. The pressure was getting high and I didn’t want my father to think I’m irresponsible considering I’m 24 and they know I’m seeing someone. I told Kamal about it and he was excited. Even though we are not ready yet, he’s ready to make it official, he’s long taken me to his parents and I’ve been accepted.

A week after Kamal’s meeting with my parent, Hussain gave me the shocker story; of how he loves me and has made up his mind to marry me and all. I was devastated as to why it took him so long. he cried on his knees and begged for a chance but I can’t break my engagement with Kamal because I have promised him. I can’t go back to my parents and say stories. That night, we made out and said goodbye.

 The first few days were hard but I was left to myself to learn to appreciate my man and I hope I have made the right choice. My heart has refused to speak to me, I am hoping you can.
 

K

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why didnt he call back?- male perspectives

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It’s a story as old as time…you meet a great guy, have a “perfect” first date, and then you never hear from him again. Some girls spend weeks waiting by the phone and agonizing over what possibly could have caused him to forget their 90 minutes of awesomeness. So I decided that the most efficient way to dust off this cold-case file and crack this age-old mystery would be to go straight to the source of confusion and mercilessly grill a man for answers. My friend Stephen, offered to martyr himself for this cause, and contributed the article below even though i didnt tell him.

So let’s break down the Top 10 thoughts of what us males are thinking and the reasons behind it.

1.You Look NOTHING Like Your Online Dating Profile

Fellas, if the girl has some funky ass “twitter” or bbm angle in her profile picture or if it’s dated: turn and run. There is usually a very real reason why the picture is from different angles, dated or overloaded with silly photo effects. Not trying to be mean here but if you’re guilty of the “twitter” pose, that’s false advertising. And guys, don’t think you’re getting off scot free on this, I’ve seen my fair share of guys posing from different angles, or taken in the mirror. You look stupid fellas, show your personality not your biceps. Either way, for both sexes, look at it like this – If we were standing in line somewhere, let’s say at a store, and we made eye-contact and you didn’t find yourself sexually attracted to me, would you be inclined to start a conversation with me and give me your number at the end of our chat? Odds are on probably not. So if you opt for the online dating option, make sure you update your profile picture and that it looks like you!

2.Blah Blah Blah

Cell phones and females go hand in hand. But if you’re out on a first date, set your phone on vibrate. There is NOTHING more annoying than being in the middle of dinner and your phone goes off…followed by you answering it and talking to your girlfriend about meaningless shit that can wait. We like the attention that being out with you gives us and it generally pisses us off and leads to observing you in a different light if you are on the phone constantly during the date.

3.”Am I Paying For Dinner Or Your Services?”

Ladies, us guys understand that you’re blessed with certain “assets” that us males are not. Don’t get me wrong, we appreciate the eye-candy, but if we are looking for a potential relationship with you, there is nothing that will make me high-tail it outta there faster than if you show up with those “assets” hanging out on full display and you are blatantly checking out other guys in the venue. I realize I have probably broken Man-Law here by telling you lovely ladies to cover up, especially on the first date, but we want respectable girls, not the ones that are looked at as “red-light” quality. Now we aren’t asking that you show up in a hoodie and covered up like you’re in the arctic. There ARE other options that you can rock without looking like you should be swinging off of a pole. Think about it girls, would you like to meet a guy for the first date and he shows up in a shirt unbuttoned to his bare stomach and seemingly painted on pants? Doesn’t seem too classy does it?

4. The Lion King Soundtrack Theory

If we are out for dinner and it looks like you’re humming the words of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” in your head, I’m looking for ANY excuse to end that date IMMEDIATELY. I’ve said this numerous times in the past, I KNOW I’m not the best looking guy in the world, but I do realize that some women out there find me good-looking or borderline Fabio-eqse (minus the gloriously epic flowing mane and accent), but if we are in conversation and I notice your eyes glaze over and you “fall into a trance” looking at me, that just fires up red flag rockets left right and centre. Yes, it’s nice to feel attractive, but if you’re already imagining a life together after the first date; don’t expect a phone call.

5. Did You Just…

We realize that ladies try their hardest to act like ladies all the time. But nothing kills the first date mood than “accidentally letting one go” that is audible enough to echo in the Grand Canyon. This should obviously go without saying and we realize that accidents do happen. But if possible, please try and excuse yourself from our conversation and do your business somewhere else. Guys, this goes for you too… You may laugh at this…but I’ve actually had this happen to me during a first date.

6. I’m Feeling It

Guys are not mind readers. When we go out on a first date with a girl, we are nervous. We may fake it and act all cool about it, but deep down we feel like we are on egg-shells. “Does she like me?”, “Did I say something stupid?”, and “What is she thinking?” bombards our thought process constantly like the little devil sitting on our shoulder. If we are not getting any obvious signs that you’re interested, we probably won’t call you. Guys hate/fear rejection just like girls do. That being said, I’ve had my fair share of girls call me a couple days after our date and just verbally BLAST me because I neglected to call them, and they felt that I was “leading them on”. Well to those girls as well as the ones reading right now; if you are interested in the guy, show it.

7. I’m Not Feeling It

I really can’t break this one down any further. I am sure this goes both-ways without saying. If I am “not feeling it”, I will not lead you on, and you will know that it just isn’t happening for me. I would only hope that you have the same courtesy to do that to me instead of leading me on.

8. Red-Flags

I’m writing this post from the “guy looking for a relationship” perspective. If I was writing this from the perspective of guys just looking for a “one night stand” this point would be drastically different as we wouldn’t be AS picky. During the course of the date, us guys are trying to pin-point certain traits or aspects we find unattractive, or the aforementioned “red-flag.” Statistically, it is a scientific fact that most people exaggerate on the first date to make themselves look more impressive to the other person. Don’t know why we do this, it just happens. So if the “red-flag” flies like it’s at a football game, it’s time to move on. Which leads me to point number 9 as it is one of the most common “bullshit” lines you’ll hear during the first date.

9. The 3rd Element

Again, I’m going to be breaking “Man-Law” on this one, but it is a general rule of thumb (sometimes), that if a girl tells you how many men she’s been with, you multiply it by 3. Yes, I realize that there might be multiple different break downs of the formula or other numbers to multiply her number by, but always remember you can’t go wrong with 3. Why am I telling you this? Because when I am looking for a relationship with a girl, I don’t want to know how many men you slept with (even though I do). Does this make sense to you ladies? If not, then my work here is done.

And Finally… The Most Controversial Of Them All….

10. There Was a Game on TV and We Forgot

To all the women who are wondering why a guy never called them back, I have just one piece of advice: FORGET ABOUT IT. There is a reason (be it good/bad or otherwise) why the guy didn’t call you back. Maybe he didn’t like you, maybe he did like you and is too shy to call you back, and maybe he lost his cell phone that had your number in it. Whatever the reason; he isn’t calling you back. Get over it and move on. There are WAY too many proverbial fish in the sea to get all worried and bent out of shape because a guy didn’t call you back. I can’t even begin to count how many women in my life haven’t called me back. It’s just the name of the dating game and the nature of the beast. Cry yourself a river then build a bridge and get over it.

Until Next Time…

THIS IS MEAN…… Stephen you’re mean, but my dear girls, we still got our grills let’s keep it up! :Δ

My saturday is so sweet, how’s your?

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