DATING outside marriage…

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In the generation before ours, and in the generation before the generation before ours, there were people – men and women – who questioned if marital fidelity truly existed. And now, in this generation, here I am, among many others, questioning the same issue, wondering if it is just an ideology instead of an actual day of life.

There have been many cases of married men who have come to speak the words to me that in their heads, no woman can say no to: I want to marry you. There have been men who have tried to pretend to be unmarried, men who have said they are unmarried but quickly explained why their wives have made it an unbearable marriage, and why I, have been sent by God to save them, and there have been men who have sat on the fence, not saying what they are or aren’t, but playing with the idea of being whatever they thought I wanted them to be. But every single time, I am left wondering what kind of women they are married to and what said women are going through.

I remember specifically the case of that guy at Oriential, i went for a “fund raising event”. He had just moved to the Island from another State, and it was his first time at a fund raising event. He approached me and tried to sell his business to me, saying he could help my own business. At the end, business cards were exchanged. Apparently, he was a friend of a colleague. That evening he called and sang a different song. He wanted to know if he could take me to dinner, and if I could be his mistress. Brownie points for not being pretentious.

I learned a lot from him in that one conversation. I learned that he was married with kids, that his wife was pompous and thereby, the inherent cause of his displeasure and dissatisfaction, that monogamy was unnatural, that biblical men were never monogamous (like David), that infidelity actually makes a marriage stronger because when a man sleeps with another woman, it makes his wife more desirable, that he was going to give me money out of his school stipend whenever I needed it, that all I needed to do for him was keep him company by cooking for him, going on dates with him, and of course, letting him invade my privacy with the only appendage that makes him think he’s a man, and finally, that he will let me get married when it’s time. It was just the offer of my dreams. I cannot imagine why I turned it down.

But it was only a couple weeks later that he stood on the altar and sold his product to the crowd, praising the Most High God, and saying how imperative it was to live a holy life and obey His word. And the congregation, they clapped for him and shouted wowza, amen, and glory. And when he was done, they invested their hard earned money into his cock shit which was meant to inspire and raise more funds for the widowed and orphans. They called it a sowed seed. I knew better. I sat and watched in horror as he led God’s people astray. And then, I prayed for God to help me, for it was not my place to determine if the ground should open up and swallow him or if lightening should strike through the ceiling and transport his soul to his forefathers.

There are many arguments from the other side, arguments that pass off as excuses, not justifications. Just because we can do something does not mean we should do it. But the other side, they have different reasons why a married man cheats. It is because his wife has gotten fat, because she cares more about her career than she does about her home, because she did not give him children, because she did not give him male children, because she is disrespectful and not submissive, because she does not cook, and because there are women who are willing to be cheated with.

As long as there are women who are willing to be cheated with, married men will always cheat. Should we then all point guns to our heads because there are guns willing to be shot, because we have the hands to shoot them, and because we have enough problems to want to end it all? When a man who is unable to handle the trials of life decides to take his own life, he is called a punk for taking the easy way out. But if this same man were to take the easy way out by cheating on his wife instead of just walking away, he is called *DRUM ROLL, PLEASE* … a man! Oh, but of course.

It was only few months after pastor perfect marriage, that I made the acquaintance of Adebayo Omoju Akanni at a mutual friend’s house. He calls himself Omoju. He was there with his wife and daughter. The conversation between me and Omoju did not go past gadgets. Specifically, Blackberry and samsung tabs. I saw him again a couple of weeks later at a naming ceremony where again, he inquired of my tab. When he added me on Facebook, I accepted because he was now officially someone I technically knew.

But Omoju sent me a Facebook message that changed the dynamic of things. He said he had dreamt about me twice the night before, that he thought there was something about me, that he did not know how to tell his partner, that he wanted me to keep his feelings between us –“no third party please” – and what did I think. I did not reply.

When followers on twitter added me on bbm during the chat with me on a saturday morning, I accepted everyone as usual, only to realize that Omoju was one of the people who added me. The hawk had sneaked in with the chickens. He wanted to know my number, if I had received his messages on Facebook, why I had not replied his messages, and if I was worried about his marital status. I promised to reply his message on Facebook.

Days later, I had still not replied Omoju, and he took it upon himself to send several more messages, inquiring of my whereabouts and stating that he was sure I could not possibly be that busy. Of course not. What else could I have on my to-do list, but to reply Omoju’s messages?

Women have more reasons than I know of for dating married men: money, sex, love, infatuation, good looks, prestige, fun, lack of commitment, ignorance, etc. It is said that if one must eat a frog, then one should eat a very fat one. Neither wealth nor fame nor extreme good looks nor intellectual acquisition did Omoju have. Even at rock bottom, I would have no excuse. But what is it that compels his confidence?

When I replied his message and included a four-letter word that rhymes with his insatiable meatless appendage – the possible cause of all his problems – I also predicted his next move. And just like the fly that entered the grave with the dead body, he did as I said he would. He said it was not him, that he did not know what I was talking about, that his Facebook and Skype accounts were both simultaneously hacked, and that I should please explain to him what was going on. In spite of his alleged innocence, he went ahead to call several mutual friends, telling them to plead his guilty case. The smart ones knew better.

Whether or not women have – by their words and by their actions – enabled their husbands to start illicit affairs is not a subject for debate. The honest ones among us know what we have done and what we are capable of doing. That said, the decision to stay faithful and stick it out or seek pleasure elsewhere is still the man’s decision. It is still a choice, and just like every other choice, the one making it has to own full responsibility for it. And not every man has an enabling wife. Some men just want to eat out of both hands.

Omoju’s wife contacted me to commit the ultimate blunder, an epic fail in its entirety. Her husband, according to her, would never stoop so low. I agree with her. It is impossible to stoop to any kind of low when you are already at the bottom. There is only one time that a married woman should contact the alleged other woman, and that is when her husband has done everything in his power to get rid of her. In any other case, contacting the other woman is like changing her light bulb when there is no electricity. Whether she uses sixty watts, hundred watts, or halogen lights, they will remain off. She can contact the other woman from now till kingdom come, but he who contacts her last, contacts her best. And that would be the cheating husband. Even after this unexplanable act, Omoju still calls me princess and tells ma how unappealing and disrespectful is beautiful glowing wife is.

If this entire piece reads as if I mostly hold the married man accountable for his affairs, it is because I do. Morally, it is clear that no woman should be romantically or sexually involved with a married man who is not her husband. But between the lawless woman and the married man, only one of them has made a vow and commitment to another woman saying that he will forsake all others and cling only to his wife, saying that he will stick by her, come what may, till life evades him. Records will reflect that that person is not the lawless woman.

People may be quick to blame the other woman, calling her a whore and a home breaker, but it is from the crack in the wall that the lizard crawls in. If the married man did not open the door of his home, the other woman would not be able to step in and do whatever she is accused of doing.

And if you are the whore, hoe, magstress he is cheating with, he will dump you and if he doesnt, remember, the stroke used for the first son is in keep for the last. But what do I know? I am just an unmarried girl giving marital advice. I may soon be directed to go hug a transformer. If it is Optimus Prime, then I would not mind.

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when u go marry?

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God does not give me the option of getting older without turning plus one. I want to get older; I want to be more mature; I want to be wiser; I want to get the experience one only gets by spending more time on earth, but I do not necessarily want my age to go higher – at least not at the rate that it goes. Perhaps, I will feel better if it took eighteen months to turn plus one instead of twelve months.
I am not a child, and I do not wish to go back to my childhood; however, I am really just a kid at heart. The thought of being married excites me; the thought of having a man to call my own fascinates me; the thought of having children that come out of me thrills me, but even more than all that, the thought of leaving my parents terrifies me. Yes, I want to start a family of my own, but I still want to live with my mommy. Who will rub my back when I am feeling down? Who will rub my feet? Who will play with my hair? The probability that my husband will do all these is not very high – unless my husband happens to not be Nigerian which is highly unlikely. I am tempted to get into all the reasons why my mother might be a more romantic husband, but I will save that for another day.
The older I become, the more often I hear that question that no girl ever wants to hear (especially if she does not know the answer to it), “so when are you getting married?” My best friend is getting married in a month’s time, another got married today a few married last month and I have stopped telling people about it because it always leads them to ask me the question I do not want to hear. I do not know when I will be getting married. I do not know how I will be proposed to. I do not know where or when I will be proposed to. But most importantly, I do not know to whom I will be getting married. But no one asks me who I will be getting married to; everyone is concerned about when.
Things have gotten so bad that my mother’s friends’ husband gave my number to his friend who has a son. He told me all the supposed good things about his friend’s son – he is in the military (is that supposed to be a good thing? I hear the military guys are all whores); he flies planes for the military (Oh great! In addition to possibly being hit by a stray bullet, he also runs the risk of dying in a plane crash); he is Hausa (so what? I hear they do not make them like they used to anymore. But then again, were they ever really that good?); he is in med school (how nice! I can look forward to my potential husband spending all his time in the hospital. And let us not forget the student loans), but my He failed to tell me if his friend’s son was single and looking. I guess all that mattered was the relationship between my father and his father.
I concluded that the guy would have to be really desperate to actually call me. I mean, what would he say when he calls me? “Hi, my name is —, and I got your number from my father who got it from your father who said we should mingle and see where this might lead to.” Yeah, there goes the introduction I have been waiting for all my life. I did not expect him to call; he never did call, and my mind forgot the issue. But then months later, my father asked me if he had called, and that was when I remembered him. I am ashamed to admit this, but a part of me was sad. Why did he not call?? He should have at least called to hear my voice. He should have at least considered the possibility of God working in mysterious ways. Yes, indeed, I am pathetic, I know. So that was how my relationship with the flying military man in med school ended before it got a chance to start.
Like I stated earlier, my friend is getting married in a month’s time; another close friend of mine got married this Saturday (October 20th 2012), and yet another friend is getting married in December. Everyone has been asking the same question, and I am sick and tired of saying I do not know. Besides, saying I do not know only prompts the one asking to ask another unanswerable question, “Why now?” What the heck?! I can go ahead and explain to anyone who cares to hear that I have an idea of what I want my wedding gown to look like; I know the exact engagement and wedding ring I want; I know where I want to do my traditional marriage; I know what I want the ceremony to be like; I know what I want the Nikkah wedding to look like; I know what kind of marriage I want to share with my husband, and I even have an idea of the songs we will play that day, the names of our children, and how many I want to look like me (I want at least one boy and one girl to look like me)!
In fact, I also know that I want five children (including a set of twins and two adopted). I am so sure of my twins that I have secretly started calling myself Mama Ejima or Mama Ibeji. Yes, I have claimed it already. All I need now is the ‘who’, but no one is asking me that. I guess all that matters is that I know when I will be getting married. Finding the ‘who’ should not be too difficult seeing as I have thousands of men knocking my door down and asking my parents for permission to pluck the ripe flower in their garden. Yeah, right!

My friend, who has been single since i know her now thinks because she has one guy doing her is feeling different. Suddenly, her new wave of ‘manfullness’ has given her the confidence to have pity on me. She said she will help me out of my predicament. I did not even know I had a predicament!
How am I supposed to tell people when I will be getting married if I do not even have a man to propose? Or am I supposed to propose to myself and marry myself? That would actually not be such a terrible idea since I consider myself the best partner anyone can ever dream of (wink) , but I cannot afford the ring I want. Besides, I kind of need a man to have the five children that I plan on having, and going to a sperm bank is out of the question. Another perk of getting married is the tax breaks that married couples get. Who does not want or need a tax break? I know I do. Oh well, I guess I would just have to wait for my darling to show up. I have to say it is taking him a mighty long time to get here, but with all the humidity and global warming occurring, transportation must have slowed down. That is my story, and I am sticking to it.
Of course, if I could have a meeting with God, I would suggest He creates a Custom-M’ade Spouse program – a program in which people – men and women alike – can create their partner just as they want him or her. But I know this is merely a fantasy that will never come to pass. But if for any reason God decides to create such a program, I will not mind being the first to utilize it. Heaven knows I am in dire need of it. Until then however, I will just have to wait for my darling like every other woman out there.

So when am I getting married? Beats me. But if you find out, do let me know,

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ASO EBI palava

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Aso-Ebi MADNESS! – A Personal Encounter

I’ll start by clearing up some things; I’ve never been married and I am not engaged so I write this purely from one side of the aisle. I’ve reached the age where everyone around me seems to be getting engaged and even the chronic non-wedding goers like me is forced to attend a few. So imagine my discomfort when I reluctantly decided to attend the wedding of an old school friend and she mentioned that she would send her driver to drop off the aso ebi. Aso- Ebi literally means clothes of the family and I concede that it has evolved to include close friends as well, but I mean, I was not one of her close friends anymore and I felt and still feel that aso ebi should be for your inner-circle of friends.
Anyway, I decided to buy it to support her and since she mentioned that it was Ankara and Aso Oke, I figured it wouldn’t cost me much. I couldn’t have been more WRONG! After her driver dropped it off, I called to find out how much it cost so I could send the money over and she said “Ah just 17 k, I didn’t want to pick expensive aso ebi like other brides I know”. I was dumbfounded. 17,000 Nigerian Naira for Ankara and aso oke??? What really baffled me was that she thought it was cheap. I returned her aso ebi and explained that I couldn’t make the wedding anymore because of family commitments but I did use part of the 17,000 I would have spent to get her a gift.
Can somebody please tell me why brides feel because it is their special day it is everyone else’s as well? For real? Boo, you are a princess to your man alone. Please don’t bankrupt your poor friends because you want to top person X, Y or Z’s aso ebi. My irritation with this issue is well known and I keep hoping someone will tell me something different but instead I hear outrageous stories of 50,000 naira asoebi and even asoebi as high as 80,000. Most of these brides are not even working yet let alone their friends.

I’ve been told that the sale of aso ebi is a way for some brides to raise money for the wedding. To those brides I say: please have the type of wedding your family can afford. DO NOT have your friends pay for your wedding. What is really wrong with our society? Why do we keep turning beautiful aspects of our culture into perverse displays of our greed and fake lifestyles? Aso Ebi was born in the tradition of family members wearing similar clothes to show support for the celebrant. It is not a money making scheme. Remember, not everyone in a family can afford exorbitant prices for clothes and I am sorry (I know I’m going to get heat for this) but it takes away from the whole point when you see two levels of asoebi in one family; one for the rich folks and one for the poorer relatives. I am not referring to situations where there is aso-ebi for young people and one for the older folks; I’m talking about when your cousin Shola or Nneka’s mum is wearing the aso-ebi you picked for members of your staff because the one you chose for so called “family members” is too expensive for them.
It is only fair that I say something to the people who encourage this behaviour. To all FRIENDS, it is okay to tell your friend that her aso-ebi is too expensive. In fact, tell her that I said you will not be bullied into spending half of your salary for her aso-ebi in addition to buying her a bridal shower gift and wedding present. I understand that we get caught up in the euphoria that our friend is finally going to the Promised Land (her hubby’s house) but as friends it is important to call each other to order. For those who go along just to belong… your issue is one for another post.
So, to my yet to be married ladies, please remember that though your wedding day is important, your marriage is most important. Do not bow to pressure from your mum or one of your aunts that sells lace or anyone else for that matter. When picking asoebi, remember that your friends can only wear it for one day. They love you and want to celebrate with you so reciprocate that love by being considerate of their finances.

Fear of Karma!

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Hi everyone, my name is Kamila and I love my boyfriend. Big deal? No! But how I came to love him, big deal? Yes!!

I’m such a fun girl, I’m more of an extrovert, loving, playful, sassy but a bit responsible, I can be crazy when necessary and I can be gentle if required.

I’m not exactly faithful, well until recently. I love to experiment even though I’m not a scientist. I just finished my ACCA exams and it was a success. Thank Goodness karma, didn’t try to deal with me in that area because that would have been a big loss.

I’m 24years old, from a middle class family and well mannered. I have three siblings, two brothers and a sister. I’m the third child but I get no pampering because my parents are disciplined. I was thought the right ways of the lord but I also learnt from the streets Yo!

I will not bore you with my life but I’ll ask you to please read carefully. I don’t know why I approached M’ade but I just thought I’ll use her platform to get my story out.

I have been dating my present boyfriend for about 3years now. We have been weak, strong and determined but it didn’t change who I am or what I love to do. I am an extrovert, he’s more of an introvert and my relationship with him gets really boring, I particularly don’t have many friends and my best friend is happy married.

Since she got engaged I brought myself to reality because we met our boyfriends at approximately the same time and I wondered what I was doing with mine.

Since my first sexual intercourse, I have slept with six guys, most of whom I slept with after I met my boyfriend, we never had any official breakup but whenever it gets boring I find myself cheating.

Usually, I’m never in regret but I’m afraid of my past catching up with me. He probably has cheated but he’s a guy. He lies and pretends but whenever it’s about me, its 100%.

Back to why I’m writing this, recently about 6months ago, my boyfriend and I always had issues of how to chill and hangout, but he always wanted us to sit at home and do nothing which leads us to either too much or too little sex. That’s not what I want; I want to be adventurous with my boyfriend. I want to go shopping, see movies, laugh outside, go visiting friends and xxxxxxxx just under the sky. He’s gotten boring by the day. Each time I complain he promises to adjust, and after about 2days he’s back to his boring old self.

I love him and I’m ready to do whatever he wants, but being boring isn’t just working. So, one of my friends noticed my constant complaint on my personal status on BBM and asked what’s up with me. I reluctantly answered because I never discuss my relationship. A lot of girls are out there single, they just complicate yours. She advised I make new friends, try new platforms and learn to be happy without my boyfriend. She then asked what kinda guy I liked. I gave her the girly description of a perfect man. She wowed me by sending pictures of the intended boredom saver. I immediately disapproved of him because he is fair skinned. She laughed and said he was fair to the heart. We exchanged contacts and that’s how it began.

Day 2, into my chatting up with Hussain has been amazing. Oh Hussain is his name, we from the same state. He works in a cargo company and lives in Port Harcourt just around my parents second home. My present boyfriend also works with a communication company in Port Harcourt but I school in Lagos. Just one week into our friendship, I knew almost everything about Hussain more than I can say about any guy I had met. He makes me smile, happy and free. We talk about everything and anything. He’s just a sweet guy. But I still wasn’t sure of his personality since it was virtual. Then we decided to meet. It was magical, as we were both thinking the same things. On my arrival at the airport, Hussain was there waiting for me with flowers. He took me home and got me lunch. Not that I’m comparing but I just need you guys to see it all. My Boyfriend Kamal has never picked me up from the airport even if it’s a weekend and his office is on the airport road Port Harcourt. I never complained because I had never tasted the other side. Hussain calls me up for lunch and talks to me about everything including his girlfriend as I did him mine.

I consciously and unconsciously daily expressed my love for him and all he did was smile, he never told me he liked me but his action shows it. I became confused as I never worried about chatting or calling Kamal. Time passed and we felt more close and intimate, we had our first weird kiss and the several followed. I took my time but I also wanted it. He was sweet and fun. I didn’t feel a bit of guilt about it and I still don’t.

Two months ago my parents asked me to bring home a man and because my mum had met Kamal, she expects me to bring him but I needed to make clarifications with my mind. I tried discussing with myself in the mirror but it kept bouncing back. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because it sounded insane. I love Kamal sooo much because every time I cheat or draw away from him, we sometimes find ourselves in each other’s arms like we were meant to be together. I love Hussain because he’s sweet, adorable and makes me ‘happy’. I’m happy with Kamal but I fear it might fade out of boredom.

I spoke with Hussain about meeting my parents and how they wanted my man home, he reluctantly responded, I know it’s too soon but I just hope he’ll at least say something about his feelings for me. I needed him to give me a go ahead or stall my parents but he didn’t. The pressure was getting high and I didn’t want my father to think I’m irresponsible considering I’m 24 and they know I’m seeing someone. I told Kamal about it and he was excited. Even though we are not ready yet, he’s ready to make it official, he’s long taken me to his parents and I’ve been accepted.

A week after Kamal’s meeting with my parent, Hussain gave me the shocker story; of how he loves me and has made up his mind to marry me and all. I was devastated as to why it took him so long. he cried on his knees and begged for a chance but I can’t break my engagement with Kamal because I have promised him. I can’t go back to my parents and say stories. That night, we made out and said goodbye.

 The first few days were hard but I was left to myself to learn to appreciate my man and I hope I have made the right choice. My heart has refused to speak to me, I am hoping you can.
 

K

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Love, a mystery through the ages ~ JJ @omojuwa

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Morning blog ville, slept with L♥√ع in my heart and woke up feeling loved, and then @Omojuwa’s piece on L♥√ع just put a large smile in my heart, yes! The heart does smile….. Enjoy!

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As old as man, as mysterious as his thoughts. As soothing as the calm that comes with sharing it with the one your soul desires, like balm for every point of pain. Flip it and it becomes the source of many wars, the path to the underworld and the word that plays through the brain of many broken hearts who have found shelter in psychiatric homes. That same Love is the cord that joins many hearts together. Love has its many parts. While it is what keeps some hearts going, it is the reason some others don’t want to live anymore.

Often mistaken for a lot of other passions, including infatuation and even hatred, Love remains an enigma even in the age of incessant technological possibilities. I bet you’d wonder how Love could be mistaken for hatred. Have you ever wondered why two people who seemingly hated each other ended up having the best union? Sometimes Love mirages as hatred. You think you hate someone and you express it with so much vigour and passion, only for you to discover one or two things about the person and the passion takes a different hue. It expresses itself, as it always was in your heart even when you did not realise it. You discover you are in love even when it had always been there to be nurtured.

Of all that has been said and written about Love, few come as ironic as what I call the shadow of Love. We ignore those who desire us and desire those who ignore us. We love even more those who hurt us and are often bent on hurting those who love us. We run after those who’d run far away from us and run far away from those who run after us. We are desperate to have those that’d rather have other people, and are more desperate to have other people than have those that want us so much. Love plays around like a shadow that can be seen and even admired but never to be touched or even had. Most times we are in an endless cause of chasing shadows, thinking we are almost at the point of touching Love, but never to truly have it.

This brings about a chain of broken hearts and broken homes. We love today and tomorrow the love seemingly sags when we suddenly realise we love another. I may not know all about love but I know enough to conclude that there can be no love without sacrifice. You can’t claim to love someone until you can firmly conclude that you can and will sacrifice desires that contrast with your love for that whom you claim to love.

You will never have the most beautiful woman as wife, because some day beauty loses colour and soon fades, and soon you are back on the road chasing another woman. It often comes to me as strange, when men have beauty as top of their priority in choosing a wife. You desire the most beautiful woman, forgetting that the true beauty of a woman lies in her heart. She is not beautiful a woman if she does not possess a beautiful heart. Miss out on that and you miss out on everything. The beauty of the body soon fades, but that of the heart is immortal. It survives death because as the evil that men do lives after them, the good they showed leaves the world with them and also survives them.

It may come across as many things but despite its seeming mystery, Love is simple enough. It takes faith to Love. It takes faith to decide that, despite the glut of beauties in the world, once you decide for one, it will be that and that alone. If all that keeps you in love is the beauty you see, then in time the absence of it will keep you out of it.

Find a reason beyond what is seen, find the path to the heart of the one you love and discover the power of Love. If Love is not seen but felt, what makes you think what you see is what will keep your love going. Love may be a mystery, but if your heart of understanding is receptive to the truth, you will find that Love thrives on the mystery of Faith. What then is Faith? While you ponder on that, let me help your imagination by saying there would be no need for Faith in the midst of certainty. Faith exists because of uncertainty. Being certain of what is uncertain. This is the true essence of Faith, and it is where Love derives its essence, not on the certainty of a transient physical beauty that soon fades away.

I thank God for my physical beauty but I thank Him even more for the beauty of my heart. That is the essence of me and whoever discovers that discovers me. That is the path to demystifying the seeming Mystery of Love.

PS: Published in my Facebook Notes, May, 2010

African love…

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How to love an African Woman?

African women are just amazing, you wanna find a good one? it up to the place where you are looking for them? Many African women are very religious. So what would be the best place to find them except the house of God? does not mean they are perfect (Religious vs Believers), some a genuine (Believers) and will play honest with you, and can become a perfect “married material” however, do not always expect to find a “Saint” in a Disco, some may be there on a random note, some are the kind of women who will rip off your last nerve. Most will always want to go out for party, so if you can’t end it… do not even try to start dating in a bar.

But one things you should be sure of is to learn to impress her – Once you’ve spotted an African woman, next up is to flatter her with your charm (From West Africa to East Africa things can be VERY different and you may be require to do it in a very indirect manner). Give her the sense of security so that she could feel protected in your arms. So on first date shower her with compliments, gifts, words of appreciation (Most African women are addicted to gift).
Love her but don’t be pushy – applicable for any woman, do not impose yourself on them (in some location in Africa it is the other way round :P).Be honest with them and show genuine care. If they like to take their own time then let them. (Most are careless when it comes to time management, so do not expect them to be on time at any appointment) Show your sensitive and romantic side to them but if you are the desperate type then hold it mister because African women like man who show a sense of control and who can always show that they are the MAN. Avoid pestering them with questions and answer round. Give them space and enjoy the time with African women.

Listen to her – You may make other woman quiet but African women have opinion of their own. So if you are dating them, get used to hearing them out. Show them that their opinions and thoughts matter to you because most African women have switch from the tradition African woman who has to shut her mouth to a woman who want her thought to be taken into consideration, however the always remembers how influential the man thoughts are in their relationship.
Show her respect – The cardinal rule of dating any woman is to first show respect and value her in any ways anywhere. If you are out with a bunch of African women then do what they like best and treat your African beauty with love and respect.
Get to know their culture – African women love their culture and holds respect for it. So when you are out to date them, the best way to win an African woman’s heart is by taking interest in their culture and asking questions about their city and what they like most about their culture
For these Ladies, No does not mean Yes as many people thinks, No mean No or mean Not yet ready. But the right meaning on the no can only be find in her eyes.

How to love an African Man

The African man is a gentle creature yet so powerful and mysterious. Dating African men can prove to be an experience of a life time. The truth is, figuring out how to date an African man is never easy.
They are very aware of what the needs of a woman are. Most African men would refuse to let the lady pick up the tab (Well, maybe only on the first date).
However Most African man seems to be great partners than lovers, but this mostly varies from West Africa to East African (because from my Experience, West Africans are great lovers and East African are great Partners). There’s is a romantic bone and you will surely not be disappointed. When an African man loves, he loves for real! but this love is sometime hard to clearly see, because most African are” afraid” of showing how in love they are, maybe because they always want to prove their “manhood”, So never feel offended if they do not say “I love you” that often, they will always prove it through tangible actions.
Some important things to know when dating an African man:
• Women needs to Know clearly what are their role in the relationship. Ladies are not the head and always should give the man an opportunity to be the man. African men will go for people who are humble and gentle in all senses. There is something about a down to earth partner that excites them. When Ladies are down to earth, it does not mean that they will be oppressed. To the contrary, the man will seek to protect them and build them up.
• Most African men want a woman who understands her history (How can you build the future by ignoring the past), and is somewhat familiar with her culture. To them, this serves as proof of a woman who can be introduced to the parents :P, and who will manage home affairs very well.
• What may appear to you as him being overprotective is just him trying to tell you to pay more attention to him than you do to his friends hehe. Some African men dislike extremely nice or flirtatious girl who does not know when to say “NO.”
• As a woman, you must have the element of hard work. This is a value that will help you create a good image for your African man.
• You must be sincere and honest.
• The modern African man is still looking for girls who are both modern and at the same time can cook great traditional meals. Yes, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach lol.To them cooking, cleaning, taking care of baby and other household duties are beneath them and deemed “woman’s work”, but it does not mean that they will always expect you to do that, it is most of the time to show the women that she is the one who “owns” the house and he will never take decision that concern “internal affair” (the house) without taking seriously into consideration your views. Men can at any point in time become the one taking care of the house when the women is not physically able to. In contrast, they are very loving and doting fathers-just don’t expect him to change a diaper anytime soon.
• Remember, the most influential person in the African Man life is his “MOTHER”, win his mother and you partially win his heart.
By magnus