i dont feel beautiful :(


I really wasn’t sure if I should post this today.

I mean, yeah, it’s my blog, but um, uh, should I?

I’ve always gone on about positive body image and self esteem and being happy and this just seems to counteract that. But it’s what I’ve been struggling with lately and I want to share my whole journey with you all. So here it is.

The last few weeks or so has been a huge struggle for me. I gained weight especially in my cheeks and stomach area because I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped taking care of myself because I stopped caring. There are several reasons why this happened (really, lots) but I’ve noticed one that sticks out.

I don’t feel beautiful (well i feel ugly, but i won’t be pessimistic).

I am cute, funny, smart, quirky, playful, fun loving, generally happy, and awesome. Those things I truly believe about myself. I’m a really cool person. I enjoy spending time with people and making the world a better place. I like to have fun and want everyone around me to have fun too. But I still don’t think I’m beautiful even though people say i am.

I’m cute and have a sense of style that’s very much my own. Yes. These things I’ll agree to. But beautiful? Of recent? No.

I’ve been told I’m beautiful. My friends,clients and colleagues like to use the word beautiful to describe me after they meet me. I am with an awesome person who tells me that a lot and probably will tell me that every day for the rest of my life. It still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t believe it i know i have an attractive body but the feeling of beauty, i just don’t have..

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I think I look sort of pretty. I very often think I look cute. But stretching my perception of myself much beyond that is a struggle. It’s a struggle I haven’t been winning lately, because sometimes when I look in the mirror all I see is multicoloured skin . Just flaws. The flaws that still sticks around and doesn’t want to leave without a fight. Sometimes when I look at myself I see that and I just give up trying to see anything more. I know it shouldn’t be that way, but it is.

And because sometimes I can’t see beautiful or anything else good, so I give up trying. I stop taking care of myself and doing the things I like to do because they make me happy. I just sort of exist and let time pass without enjoying it. All because I don’t feel beautiful, or I suppose, worth it.

I’ve written about body image a lot in the past. I really do believe we are all beautiful people, no matter what our bodies look like. But we have to take care of ourselves, use your lotion, drugs, eat Good food,drink a lot of water, exercise well and apply all the necessary makeups. In the last few months have been working so hard and earning as deserved but i can count how many new good things i have in my closet, i was forced to shop last week but i was too busy to do it, i don’t even take good care of my hair anymore, how will i? When i don’t even have a body cream. Even though I accept my body for what it is and love it, I’m still carrying around the notions that I’m careless about it, so its leaving me for someone else 3-|

So I sit and I think and I wonder about myself. About why I can’t feel beautiful. About why the hurts from the past don’t go away as easily as I want them to. About how it’s not fair that I really never was black or ugly (i L♥√ع dark skinned girls, but i L♥√ع my old brown sugar self) but was made to believe that so much it became my own self fulfilling prophecy. About how I really, really do want to be beautiful. About how I hope that one day it happens, meaning that I believe it.

So i took a test….

what’s your opinion 😀


African love…

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How to love an African Woman?

African women are just amazing, you wanna find a good one? it up to the place where you are looking for them? Many African women are very religious. So what would be the best place to find them except the house of God? does not mean they are perfect (Religious vs Believers), some a genuine (Believers) and will play honest with you, and can become a perfect “married material” however, do not always expect to find a “Saint” in a Disco, some may be there on a random note, some are the kind of women who will rip off your last nerve. Most will always want to go out for party, so if you can’t end it… do not even try to start dating in a bar.

But one things you should be sure of is to learn to impress her – Once you’ve spotted an African woman, next up is to flatter her with your charm (From West Africa to East Africa things can be VERY different and you may be require to do it in a very indirect manner). Give her the sense of security so that she could feel protected in your arms. So on first date shower her with compliments, gifts, words of appreciation (Most African women are addicted to gift).
Love her but don’t be pushy – applicable for any woman, do not impose yourself on them (in some location in Africa it is the other way round :P).Be honest with them and show genuine care. If they like to take their own time then let them. (Most are careless when it comes to time management, so do not expect them to be on time at any appointment) Show your sensitive and romantic side to them but if you are the desperate type then hold it mister because African women like man who show a sense of control and who can always show that they are the MAN. Avoid pestering them with questions and answer round. Give them space and enjoy the time with African women.

Listen to her – You may make other woman quiet but African women have opinion of their own. So if you are dating them, get used to hearing them out. Show them that their opinions and thoughts matter to you because most African women have switch from the tradition African woman who has to shut her mouth to a woman who want her thought to be taken into consideration, however the always remembers how influential the man thoughts are in their relationship.
Show her respect – The cardinal rule of dating any woman is to first show respect and value her in any ways anywhere. If you are out with a bunch of African women then do what they like best and treat your African beauty with love and respect.
Get to know their culture – African women love their culture and holds respect for it. So when you are out to date them, the best way to win an African woman’s heart is by taking interest in their culture and asking questions about their city and what they like most about their culture
For these Ladies, No does not mean Yes as many people thinks, No mean No or mean Not yet ready. But the right meaning on the no can only be find in her eyes.

How to love an African Man

The African man is a gentle creature yet so powerful and mysterious. Dating African men can prove to be an experience of a life time. The truth is, figuring out how to date an African man is never easy.
They are very aware of what the needs of a woman are. Most African men would refuse to let the lady pick up the tab (Well, maybe only on the first date).
However Most African man seems to be great partners than lovers, but this mostly varies from West Africa to East African (because from my Experience, West Africans are great lovers and East African are great Partners). There’s is a romantic bone and you will surely not be disappointed. When an African man loves, he loves for real! but this love is sometime hard to clearly see, because most African are” afraid” of showing how in love they are, maybe because they always want to prove their “manhood”, So never feel offended if they do not say “I love you” that often, they will always prove it through tangible actions.
Some important things to know when dating an African man:
• Women needs to Know clearly what are their role in the relationship. Ladies are not the head and always should give the man an opportunity to be the man. African men will go for people who are humble and gentle in all senses. There is something about a down to earth partner that excites them. When Ladies are down to earth, it does not mean that they will be oppressed. To the contrary, the man will seek to protect them and build them up.
• Most African men want a woman who understands her history (How can you build the future by ignoring the past), and is somewhat familiar with her culture. To them, this serves as proof of a woman who can be introduced to the parents :P, and who will manage home affairs very well.
• What may appear to you as him being overprotective is just him trying to tell you to pay more attention to him than you do to his friends hehe. Some African men dislike extremely nice or flirtatious girl who does not know when to say “NO.”
• As a woman, you must have the element of hard work. This is a value that will help you create a good image for your African man.
• You must be sincere and honest.
• The modern African man is still looking for girls who are both modern and at the same time can cook great traditional meals. Yes, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach lol.To them cooking, cleaning, taking care of baby and other household duties are beneath them and deemed “woman’s work”, but it does not mean that they will always expect you to do that, it is most of the time to show the women that she is the one who “owns” the house and he will never take decision that concern “internal affair” (the house) without taking seriously into consideration your views. Men can at any point in time become the one taking care of the house when the women is not physically able to. In contrast, they are very loving and doting fathers-just don’t expect him to change a diaper anytime soon.
• Remember, the most influential person in the African Man life is his “MOTHER”, win his mother and you partially win his heart.
By magnus