my evolution

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I thank GOD  Almighty for keeping you and i till this day 24-o5-12. from the day i was born 24-05-90 at exactly 12:24:05, my doctor has said i was a special breed.

I thank everyone that took there time to wish me a happy birthday, i thank all those that sent messages, and posts, all the funny pictures of me and all the prayers, i just cant say thank you enough but if 200 and counting are repping me on their display pictures and my twitter mentions is over 300 with the uncountable Facebook posts and net logs and the likes. i thank NOKIA for sending me a special birthday song and every other organizations that started my day.

i just feel i owe you more;

please do not laugh

i was just a day old

the day after my birth..

22years later

22 years later

i was named

i was named: Maryam Funmilayo Ajoke Morenikeji Olajumoke Adelaja Oluwapamilerinayo Olamiposinuoluwa ADEBOLA

and my names survive

smiles

and i clocked 2 in a red dress :

i was 3 and that’s my wonderful daddy

on my 4th birthday with my lil sis and mu

clocked 5 in a denim with my bf 😀

i rocked denim yesterday in memory of my 5th birthday. lol

another birthday in red 😀

THE FACE CAP IS BEEN WAY BACK 😀

ONE OF THE 2 BIRTHDAYS I EVER CELEBRATED..

and then i graduated………

currently serving my green country

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today, i am 22 years old and i cannot in any way explain the epitome of joy in my heart but hopefully when i settle, i can.

God bless you my special friend, for the fireworks you put off at 5am this morning having driven all the way from IKEJA to my house on the island, Gosh! that was awesome! i just hope you took a picture.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone else for the gifts i have received ( will post pictures later). SEE Y’ALL AT MY EXCLUSIVE PARTY!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY.

one week to go…

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If you found out you had only one week to live, what would you do in that last week?

just few days ago a friend of mine put up a merged picture of two friends and wrote RIP which nowadays in the last few months seems to be trending and i asked “babe what happened?” she said they had an accident and one of them was to get married to a friend of ours in 3weeks, i was shocked, had to rush to the toilet and even though i never met the guy, i thought of the to-be-bride, the two kids he left behind and to talk of his mother and the rest of the family, its one of the most tragic things anyone can face. may we all not experience such.(AMIN). since Sunday, i have been thinking and writing stuffs about death which is very unlike me but then who wouldn’t die?

someone said to me, “maryam, are you okay/ you seem sober nowadays” and i said am wondering what my last days would be like. he almost immediately shut me up and said that wont happen and i said amen but did ladi think he would die young? did Tayo prepare for her death?, did Teidi ever think he would b butchered to death or did anyone under 40 pray for death? even my 80+ grandma doesn’t want to die, but we all have to prepare and live everyday like the last. so i asked myself, WHAT IF I HAD ONE WEEK TO GO?

At first I thought it was kind of cliché and generic and then I realized this was not an easy question to answer at all. What immediately flew through my head was that I would knock off a bank so I could fly my nearest and dearest friends to me or vice versa but let’s face it, how successful do you think I could be at knocking off a bank? I can’t tell a little white lie without smirking like a fool. So, robbing a bank was crossed off the list. I didn’t want to make the scenario unrealistic either by adding something like having an endless supply of money available. I wanted to answer this as if starting tomorrow I had only one more week to live. I could do whatever I wanted based on how my life is at this current moment. The cause of death is not a factor to answer this question. Let’s just say I will be in the same health all week as I am today.

OK so I that gives me 7 days to wrap up everything. It is easy to say I would want to spend as much time as possible with my closest friends and family…that is obvious. This would be 7 days of very little OR NO sleep because there is a lot I would want to do an accomplish. i would first ask to see my sister whom have not seen in 7years and go camping with my family on a marathon prayer because i would need it for forgiveness of sins…Wow this question is really hard. Would I want to plan out my days or just let whatever happen happen? I mean I am a planner so I am sure that is what I would do. I am sure others would want to plan stuff too. I know during this week I would want to be surrounded by as many songs that I have loved throughout my life. I want to surround myself with everything that has held significance. I would want to revisit photo albums of childhood and ask my parents to share with me as many memories as they possibly can. I would want to write letters to everyone I care about and tell them how much I care about them and how wonderful it has been to have them in my life. I would want to put my writings together and send them to publishing companies-or I would put them in the hands of someone very close to me and ask that my story be told and do whatever they can to get my work published.

I would write every single day, probably for several hours. If possible, I would fly up to mecca even if it is for only a couple of hours and visit the house of God.  These last 7 days wouldn’t be about me. These last days would be about everyone I love and everyone I have or could help in some way or another. I would have no desire to be the center of attention (even though it would be inevitable considering everyone knows I will be gone in a week). I would want to do everything I could to make a mark on the world in hopes that I could be a part of making things better even if it is only in a small way. When I first saw the movie bucket list I was amazed at how genius the concept was.but now i really don’t want a bucket list, i just wanted to be surrounded by people who will live longer than me. Yes that may sound so cheesy and cliché but if you think about what the potential results could be if everyone paid it forward to as little as just 2-3 people, life could be something completely different. People would start understanding what true compassion and empathy really is. No I am not trying to come off like I am some sort of Saint. I am sure I would do some superficial things, like eat a bucket of chicken and ice cream, go to the beach and watch the sun go down, go the hills and watch it come up. I would make sure to add a lot of fun into the mix too. I just know that I want to make an impact. I know what is inside of me and I know what I am capable of. I would want to leave this Earth knowing I did everything I could to make as many people as I possibly could happy. I would donate everything of mine. I would ask those that I love to hold onto whatever pieces of me that they wanted.

I find it impossible to map out a plan of what I will do hour by hour minute by minute of my last week alive. I know that those plans would get completely squashed anyway. How many times have you gone to work with a complete game plan for the day and within the first 5 minutes of being there that whole game plan gets blown to bits. Well, realistically, there would be a good chance that the same thing would happen in this situation. It would be important for me to record a video-who knows how long it would end up being because let’s face it I can get pretty wordy. I would want my last days documented. I would want to watch this documentation on the last day. I would want to pile all of my friends and family in a big room and watch it together. I would leave a message for everyone. I would tell them everything that I love about them. I would tell them everything I could about me and how all I ever do truly want is for those around me to experience the most happiness and bliss they possibly can throughout their lives.I would even make amends where I felt they were necessary. A lot of people would tell me to focus only on the positive but I do think it is important to take ownership and in my life I have made several mistakes. I have hurt people that did not deserve it and I would at least want to say I am sorry.

I would not want to die at this age for real but if it were to happen I do believe I have had a good life. I haven’t experienced everything I have wanted to and i haven’t been the perfect muslimah but I have experienced love and happiness in so many forms and I think that is the most important. I have amazing people in my life that have taught me so much and I have grown into this person that I could not be more proud of. If this was my last week I would want to thank everyone for making me who I am and teaching me all about life.

I do realize that there would be a lot of sadness and tears in the last week knowing these would be the last moments spent with those I love but I would also want to make sure that week was filled with laughter. I would want to go to the comedy club since I have never done that I would want to do things I haven’t done but I wouldn’t care about novelty so much as who I am with. A lot of people would want to jump on a plane and go somewhere exotic or go on insane shopping sprees but stuff like that has never really mattered to me. What would be most important during those days would be letting people know how much I love them and how important they have been in my life.

In writing this I started to wonder how other people would respond. I have never been married and I do not have children. My life circumstances are very different from many people my age. I would really love to hear how other people would respond that do have very different lives than mine. Where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend your last days with? With this entry I would really like to hear a lot of other people’s choices? Tell me, what would you do? Where would you go? Who would you spend the time with?

I am dedicating this to all my friends and family who have died young and has brought tears to my eyes and the eyes of others and i pray that even though you might have not achieved so much, you have impacted my life and made me realize the true meaning of “life is vanity upon vanity” that may the most high God forgive you and grant you eternal rest. AMIN

RIP  Sampson, Tayo, Teidi, LADI, BAYO, WALE, BARBA, Sodiq, I really cant remember names because am so sad… 😦

letter to the future

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if you could write a letter to your future self what would you say?

Well I guess this is the opportunity to write that letter.

Dear Future Self,

There are so many things I could talk about in this letter. It is currently April 2012. According to the Mayan Calendar, this is the year the world is going to end. How many times have we heard that??? Anyhow, you are at a place in your life in which you are learning so very much. You have changed so drastically as a person and it has been an adjustment. I will not say it has been a hard adjustment, just a different adjustment. It took you until about 3-4 months ago to realize how unhappy in life you had been. A man came in and out of your life and this person turned everything upside down. He didn’t turn everything upside down in a bad way. He just opened your eyes to who you truly were. He has no idea of the impact he had. Although you and him did not work out, you realised so much about yourself. You realised that you were not letting go of the poor self-esteem and self-doubt. You allowed others to control your actions because you felt that what they thought was good/right was more important than the way you viewed yourself. It has been difficult to work on getting rid of the anxiety and worry. It has been hard to find the middle ground between being extremely self-conscious to being confident almost to the point of arrogant. When someone is a certain way for so long, it can be a real challenge to change and take on a whole new perspective-to be a different person that you believe would be better.

You have finally learned that happiness is a journey and not a destination. Make sure to stop and take a breath. Your mind works at such an insane pace and you have always been one to plan everything out and wanting to get everything done right away. Don’t let your mind get the best of you because your mind is just a small part of who you are. Remind yourself of The ACCIDENT it was just 3 weeks ago. You took time to write about it and free yourselve of a lot. You met a guy and was able to say No and not date out of pity. These are 2things that gave you a sense of clarity and peace. Now you obviously know what you want.

To my future self I will also say that I know life is going to have a lot of ups and downs but I beg of you to not blame yourself for moments that may not always be the best. During this time (and in the past) you have tortured yourself by believing that you were not good enough and there was something wrong with you. STOP!!!! A man does not and will not define you EVER!!! You may read this and be married to the love of your life and that is absolutely wonderful but remember to not lose your identity. You have seen that happen with so many people you know. Don’t forget about what you truly believe in. Please don’t let someone mold you because in a moment you were lonely. You have always been a unique soul that was always searching for something new. If you are not taking part in things you love in your life and are not seeking new information and knowledge and learning from others and trying new things than you are not being YOU! You have settled enough in your past life, please do not settle anymore. Stop the worrying, take a deep breath in and a deep breath out and hold onto your moments of peace, love and happiness.

Another thing I ask of you is to love as hard as you can. Love those around you that are important to you. Take the time for these people in your life because in a moment they may be gone. You will continue to meet people throughout your whole life but there will be only a select few that will really make an impact. I hope you still have some of these people in your life. If you do, take the time now to talk to them or get together with them and let them know how much they mean to you. I have come to realize that we tend to get so caught up in our busy lives that we sometimes forget to tell people thank you for being a part of our lives. You may read this a month from now, a year from now, or even 15 years from now. I do not know at any of those times whether or not your mum and sisters will be alive anymore. I hope so because I know how much they mean to you. Either way, hold onto all of the memories you had of them growing up. Always remember how blessed you are to have them. Although you didn’t always agree on everything and you may have had different traits, these are the people in the world that made you and loved you unconditionally every single day of your life. Share the love that they gave you with others. And if by chance when you read this, anyone has passed away, allow yourself to experience sadness and pain but don’t let it take over your life. Remember, even though you may not have always believed it, you are way stronger than you know! Your family have always been your heroes. Ask yourself, “Would they want me to be miserable and depressed in life or would they want me to be living life?” The answer is simple and you know that. Although their bodies may not be here does not mean that their soul isn’t. Love with everything you have because that is who you are. You know who you are. You always have. You have just been scared to let this person out.

I leave you here in hopes that you are in a happy place in your life. I hope you are able to read this letter and reflect on your life and smile. Remember that you went through challenging times but it is those challenging times that have made you the beautiful person you are. You have so many things that others do not. You have a gift. I hope you are still writing, designing and reading quite a bit. I know you will be happy that you did. The world is your classroom…make sure to continue learning as much as you can every single day. To my future self I send an abundance of love and peace.

Love,

Present self. 😀