my soul my demise


My soul. My demise.
By Abu Khattab

Who is it that will hold my hand,
And guide me on a Day when the swarms shall come?
Who is it that will come and make an excuse for me,
When my book is dropped in my shaking left palm?

What shall be asked to a man of corruption,
After being forgiven he returned to the deed?
On a Day when the accounts shall be brought forth and clear, Happiness shall come only to those who are freed.

Shall I not be asked about the chances I had,
To prepare for my account before I faced my death?
But a loser I am for indeed I procrastinated,
Until finally I had taken my pathetic last breath.

Will it be that I shall drown in my demise,
While others enter through the gates of the garden?
Woe to me who has forgotten His Lord,
Woe to me – will I gain my Lord’s pardon?

What shall I say when He informs me of sins,
Instead of the good that I thought was surely sincere? But to dust they are, my intention was for others, The reality of my account striking me like a spear.

Deed after deed begins to evaporate,
From a watery ocean to a puddle that’s dried.
The ones who I once called my true best friends,
Have sold me out as to their Lord they cried.

“We are free from what he has committed in vain,
So free us O Lord from the chambers of strife!
Free us O Lord and have mercy on us!
For indeed we regret what we did in our life!”

Alas, my account has been dropped in my left,
Alas, my destination is what I thought was away.
Alas, my tears have now become blood,
Woe to me – for my sins I’ll pay.

You ask me my Lord about the deeds of my hands,
Was I not shy to turn away from this trade?
In the darkness I committed that which I was ashamed to show, To the people around, but from You I wasn’t afraid.

But my heart had swayed and it knew the truth,
But my arrogance grew to ask from You.
To ask You for forgiveness for what I had done,
But woe to me! If only I knew.

So my Lord I have hope in your infinite mercy,
That You may see good in what remains of my deed.
The one that remains that was surely sincere,
At a time when faith from my heart would bleed.

So do as You please with my sunken soul,
For indeed I have earned what awaits for me.
O Nafs Al-Amara you have sent me away,
To that which I thought I would never see…

What if as i move, every step of mine is closer to death than i thought, will my years past lived take me home to rest?

What if i go now, just like many that left yesterday and today. Will my soul be missed?.

May the Almighty God have mercy on us and forgive our numerous sins. AMIN

Leave your thoughts pls,

letter to the future


if you could write a letter to your future self what would you say?

Well I guess this is the opportunity to write that letter.

Dear Future Self,

There are so many things I could talk about in this letter. It is currently April 2012. According to the Mayan Calendar, this is the year the world is going to end. How many times have we heard that??? Anyhow, you are at a place in your life in which you are learning so very much. You have changed so drastically as a person and it has been an adjustment. I will not say it has been a hard adjustment, just a different adjustment. It took you until about 3-4 months ago to realize how unhappy in life you had been. A man came in and out of your life and this person turned everything upside down. He didn’t turn everything upside down in a bad way. He just opened your eyes to who you truly were. He has no idea of the impact he had. Although you and him did not work out, you realised so much about yourself. You realised that you were not letting go of the poor self-esteem and self-doubt. You allowed others to control your actions because you felt that what they thought was good/right was more important than the way you viewed yourself. It has been difficult to work on getting rid of the anxiety and worry. It has been hard to find the middle ground between being extremely self-conscious to being confident almost to the point of arrogant. When someone is a certain way for so long, it can be a real challenge to change and take on a whole new perspective-to be a different person that you believe would be better.

You have finally learned that happiness is a journey and not a destination. Make sure to stop and take a breath. Your mind works at such an insane pace and you have always been one to plan everything out and wanting to get everything done right away. Don’t let your mind get the best of you because your mind is just a small part of who you are. Remind yourself of The ACCIDENT it was just 3 weeks ago. You took time to write about it and free yourselve of a lot. You met a guy and was able to say No and not date out of pity. These are 2things that gave you a sense of clarity and peace. Now you obviously know what you want.

To my future self I will also say that I know life is going to have a lot of ups and downs but I beg of you to not blame yourself for moments that may not always be the best. During this time (and in the past) you have tortured yourself by believing that you were not good enough and there was something wrong with you. STOP!!!! A man does not and will not define you EVER!!! You may read this and be married to the love of your life and that is absolutely wonderful but remember to not lose your identity. You have seen that happen with so many people you know. Don’t forget about what you truly believe in. Please don’t let someone mold you because in a moment you were lonely. You have always been a unique soul that was always searching for something new. If you are not taking part in things you love in your life and are not seeking new information and knowledge and learning from others and trying new things than you are not being YOU! You have settled enough in your past life, please do not settle anymore. Stop the worrying, take a deep breath in and a deep breath out and hold onto your moments of peace, love and happiness.

Another thing I ask of you is to love as hard as you can. Love those around you that are important to you. Take the time for these people in your life because in a moment they may be gone. You will continue to meet people throughout your whole life but there will be only a select few that will really make an impact. I hope you still have some of these people in your life. If you do, take the time now to talk to them or get together with them and let them know how much they mean to you. I have come to realize that we tend to get so caught up in our busy lives that we sometimes forget to tell people thank you for being a part of our lives. You may read this a month from now, a year from now, or even 15 years from now. I do not know at any of those times whether or not your mum and sisters will be alive anymore. I hope so because I know how much they mean to you. Either way, hold onto all of the memories you had of them growing up. Always remember how blessed you are to have them. Although you didn’t always agree on everything and you may have had different traits, these are the people in the world that made you and loved you unconditionally every single day of your life. Share the love that they gave you with others. And if by chance when you read this, anyone has passed away, allow yourself to experience sadness and pain but don’t let it take over your life. Remember, even though you may not have always believed it, you are way stronger than you know! Your family have always been your heroes. Ask yourself, “Would they want me to be miserable and depressed in life or would they want me to be living life?” The answer is simple and you know that. Although their bodies may not be here does not mean that their soul isn’t. Love with everything you have because that is who you are. You know who you are. You always have. You have just been scared to let this person out.

I leave you here in hopes that you are in a happy place in your life. I hope you are able to read this letter and reflect on your life and smile. Remember that you went through challenging times but it is those challenging times that have made you the beautiful person you are. You have so many things that others do not. You have a gift. I hope you are still writing, designing and reading quite a bit. I know you will be happy that you did. The world is your classroom…make sure to continue learning as much as you can every single day. To my future self I send an abundance of love and peace.


Present self. 😀