I woke up with a very sad feeling, my whole body felt weak. Then i heard a knock on the door: Aunty, we have your class now. Jeez, could d day get worse? Well, i got up gradually and went into d bathroom to have ma bath.. I kept thinking, i was perfectly okay last night, what could be the problem? I got dressed and went into d school compound. Without any make up, i didn’t even apply lip gloss. Ignoring everyone i met on the way, I got to d class, d students stood in greeting: good morning aunty. I mumbled some greeting in reply and went on to the business of d day, now that is so unlike me, i used ta really joke with these lovely kids.
After about thirty slow minutes, I ended the class and left for my room. Leaving the students with an unanswered furtive glances and i knew their unspoken words were: ‘what is wrong with Aunty’?. Well, Aunty herself doesn’t know what is wrong with her. On getting to ma room, I sat on d carpeted floor and thought; i should eat now before the ulceration in my stomach come calling’. But NO!, nothing appealed to me, i just didn’t have appetite. The headache had subsided but i was still feeling very weak. The next best thing was just to sleep.
I slept, for about an hour, then woke up. Still nothing to do. And i wasn’t jes in d mood to chat with anybody on my blackberry messenger or any social application. ( They always have same things to say, nothing new). Ok, i kept staring into space and before i knew it, tears were flowing freely from ma eyes. Ok babe, i called myself back, take it easy on yourself. What the hell is wrong with you?. Then i picked up ma phone thinking maybe if i listened to music, i would feel better and understand myself. Yea, music does that to me, eases my soul. The first song on ma play list was Rihanna’s Photographs. Oh well, dat did it. The tears started coming in torrents, I was practically weeping. Oh foolish me, so this was it? That had been the problem all along? My whole day had been terrible because it was a year? Because the day marked one year! One year since he left, one year since the relationship ended? Damn! To worsen the situation, d song ended and Lemar’s “time to grow came in”.. Oh, it seems my play list had decided to conspire against me.
The hours dragged by and i felt babe, you got to stop this, stand now, take a walk or something, u cant go on like dis. As i stood to do dat, i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and i was horrified. Damn, could that be me? Dat babe with the swollen eyes, fluid filled nose, and sad appearance. No, i refused to accept dat… *sigh*. I know by now, you all might be bored, well, i am too. Not just bored, i’m tired, angry, frustrated, mad, sad, every other not so good adjective u could think of. I mean, why the hell am i not over him? You know, this life is so contradictory, thinking of d fact that it was me that actually walked. Why should i be feeling terrible? Why should i still feel attracted to a guy who practically used me? A guy who has deceit and lies as the governing factors of his world? A guy who probably is busy having a nice time with another girl as we speak, oblivious to d thought of any girl crying her heart out over him.
Normally, i was d girl who used to tell her friends: ‘you must be crazy for crying over a guy, i wouldn’t do that’., no guy can hurt me or get at me that much’.. Lmao, well can any guy hurt me?.. I laugh at myself” i feel nothing but self pity, within this one year, many guys have tried, better guys.. But none of them appeals to me, i keep having negative thoughts. Why should i let just one guy ruin me emotionally like dis? Why must he be given the satisfaction of knowing he has himself another ‘conquest’. Why must i go on like dis? This is getting at me so much. Everyday, i keep having dreams of what could have been, what should have been. Friends have tried, family i still trying, even strangers have made attempts. But still, dis emptiness doesn’t leave. I love him, i love him so much. yeah, i know i’m crazy.. But i want to stop this madness, i know we can never be, we’re way over. So why cant i just gather my pathetic self and move on? Why cant I? I wanna love again, this time, someone else, someone that can return ma love. Someone that’s worth me someone more deserving, buh how do i do dis when my fantasies revolve round this particular guy? This is sad, i’m sad, my friends have given up on me. They all think; she’s crazy!, crazy!! , crazy!!!. Considering the fact that i have always been this good, simple, free and prayerful girl, why should this be happening to me? Why should this be happening to me? I won’t stop praying though, at least that’s my only reliable companion for now, oh what a life. I think i wanna cry :b

WriTten by: Anonymous