DATING outside marriage…

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In the generation before ours, and in the generation before the generation before ours, there were people – men and women – who questioned if marital fidelity truly existed. And now, in this generation, here I am, among many others, questioning the same issue, wondering if it is just an ideology instead of an actual day of life.

There have been many cases of married men who have come to speak the words to me that in their heads, no woman can say no to: I want to marry you. There have been men who have tried to pretend to be unmarried, men who have said they are unmarried but quickly explained why their wives have made it an unbearable marriage, and why I, have been sent by God to save them, and there have been men who have sat on the fence, not saying what they are or aren’t, but playing with the idea of being whatever they thought I wanted them to be. But every single time, I am left wondering what kind of women they are married to and what said women are going through.

I remember specifically the case of that guy at Oriential, i went for a “fund raising event”. He had just moved to the Island from another State, and it was his first time at a fund raising event. He approached me and tried to sell his business to me, saying he could help my own business. At the end, business cards were exchanged. Apparently, he was a friend of a colleague. That evening he called and sang a different song. He wanted to know if he could take me to dinner, and if I could be his mistress. Brownie points for not being pretentious.

I learned a lot from him in that one conversation. I learned that he was married with kids, that his wife was pompous and thereby, the inherent cause of his displeasure and dissatisfaction, that monogamy was unnatural, that biblical men were never monogamous (like David), that infidelity actually makes a marriage stronger because when a man sleeps with another woman, it makes his wife more desirable, that he was going to give me money out of his school stipend whenever I needed it, that all I needed to do for him was keep him company by cooking for him, going on dates with him, and of course, letting him invade my privacy with the only appendage that makes him think he’s a man, and finally, that he will let me get married when it’s time. It was just the offer of my dreams. I cannot imagine why I turned it down.

But it was only a couple weeks later that he stood on the altar and sold his product to the crowd, praising the Most High God, and saying how imperative it was to live a holy life and obey His word. And the congregation, they clapped for him and shouted wowza, amen, and glory. And when he was done, they invested their hard earned money into his cock shit which was meant to inspire and raise more funds for the widowed and orphans. They called it a sowed seed. I knew better. I sat and watched in horror as he led God’s people astray. And then, I prayed for God to help me, for it was not my place to determine if the ground should open up and swallow him or if lightening should strike through the ceiling and transport his soul to his forefathers.

There are many arguments from the other side, arguments that pass off as excuses, not justifications. Just because we can do something does not mean we should do it. But the other side, they have different reasons why a married man cheats. It is because his wife has gotten fat, because she cares more about her career than she does about her home, because she did not give him children, because she did not give him male children, because she is disrespectful and not submissive, because she does not cook, and because there are women who are willing to be cheated with.

As long as there are women who are willing to be cheated with, married men will always cheat. Should we then all point guns to our heads because there are guns willing to be shot, because we have the hands to shoot them, and because we have enough problems to want to end it all? When a man who is unable to handle the trials of life decides to take his own life, he is called a punk for taking the easy way out. But if this same man were to take the easy way out by cheating on his wife instead of just walking away, he is called *DRUM ROLL, PLEASE* … a man! Oh, but of course.

It was only few months after pastor perfect marriage, that I made the acquaintance of Adebayo Omoju Akanni at a mutual friend’s house. He calls himself Omoju. He was there with his wife and daughter. The conversation between me and Omoju did not go past gadgets. Specifically, Blackberry and samsung tabs. I saw him again a couple of weeks later at a naming ceremony where again, he inquired of my tab. When he added me on Facebook, I accepted because he was now officially someone I technically knew.

But Omoju sent me a Facebook message that changed the dynamic of things. He said he had dreamt about me twice the night before, that he thought there was something about me, that he did not know how to tell his partner, that he wanted me to keep his feelings between us –“no third party please” – and what did I think. I did not reply.

When followers on twitter added me on bbm during the chat with me on a saturday morning, I accepted everyone as usual, only to realize that Omoju was one of the people who added me. The hawk had sneaked in with the chickens. He wanted to know my number, if I had received his messages on Facebook, why I had not replied his messages, and if I was worried about his marital status. I promised to reply his message on Facebook.

Days later, I had still not replied Omoju, and he took it upon himself to send several more messages, inquiring of my whereabouts and stating that he was sure I could not possibly be that busy. Of course not. What else could I have on my to-do list, but to reply Omoju’s messages?

Women have more reasons than I know of for dating married men: money, sex, love, infatuation, good looks, prestige, fun, lack of commitment, ignorance, etc. It is said that if one must eat a frog, then one should eat a very fat one. Neither wealth nor fame nor extreme good looks nor intellectual acquisition did Omoju have. Even at rock bottom, I would have no excuse. But what is it that compels his confidence?

When I replied his message and included a four-letter word that rhymes with his insatiable meatless appendage – the possible cause of all his problems – I also predicted his next move. And just like the fly that entered the grave with the dead body, he did as I said he would. He said it was not him, that he did not know what I was talking about, that his Facebook and Skype accounts were both simultaneously hacked, and that I should please explain to him what was going on. In spite of his alleged innocence, he went ahead to call several mutual friends, telling them to plead his guilty case. The smart ones knew better.

Whether or not women have – by their words and by their actions – enabled their husbands to start illicit affairs is not a subject for debate. The honest ones among us know what we have done and what we are capable of doing. That said, the decision to stay faithful and stick it out or seek pleasure elsewhere is still the man’s decision. It is still a choice, and just like every other choice, the one making it has to own full responsibility for it. And not every man has an enabling wife. Some men just want to eat out of both hands.

Omoju’s wife contacted me to commit the ultimate blunder, an epic fail in its entirety. Her husband, according to her, would never stoop so low. I agree with her. It is impossible to stoop to any kind of low when you are already at the bottom. There is only one time that a married woman should contact the alleged other woman, and that is when her husband has done everything in his power to get rid of her. In any other case, contacting the other woman is like changing her light bulb when there is no electricity. Whether she uses sixty watts, hundred watts, or halogen lights, they will remain off. She can contact the other woman from now till kingdom come, but he who contacts her last, contacts her best. And that would be the cheating husband. Even after this unexplanable act, Omoju still calls me princess and tells ma how unappealing and disrespectful is beautiful glowing wife is.

If this entire piece reads as if I mostly hold the married man accountable for his affairs, it is because I do. Morally, it is clear that no woman should be romantically or sexually involved with a married man who is not her husband. But between the lawless woman and the married man, only one of them has made a vow and commitment to another woman saying that he will forsake all others and cling only to his wife, saying that he will stick by her, come what may, till life evades him. Records will reflect that that person is not the lawless woman.

People may be quick to blame the other woman, calling her a whore and a home breaker, but it is from the crack in the wall that the lizard crawls in. If the married man did not open the door of his home, the other woman would not be able to step in and do whatever she is accused of doing.

And if you are the whore, hoe, magstress he is cheating with, he will dump you and if he doesnt, remember, the stroke used for the first son is in keep for the last. But what do I know? I am just an unmarried girl giving marital advice. I may soon be directed to go hug a transformer. If it is Optimus Prime, then I would not mind.

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letter to my mom

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Mom,

You’ve been the greatest mother to me
Teaching me many things that others never see
And so I write to you this very day
That The Lord may bless you in every way

Through the years of heartbreak and toil
You’ve always been there for this girl who you spoil
And now I’m a lady whom you trained in the past
Though sometimes I may tell you to ‘just kiss my ass’

Anyway I just wanted to say
Thank you my mother for starting me on this Way
For without your teaching I’d be lost today
But because of you and God by my side
Maybe I will find the bravery inside

The strength to withstand every personal attack
That mine enemies throw at me and I might just lack
And so to you the ‘world’s best Mom’
I’ll remember you always especially on your birthday.

happy birthday shugar! ! !

My Real Goddess
&
Today my mother
Came to my room
With lots of blessing
And full of good wishing
To live long
Happy and healthy
Progressive and wealthy
My mother
My sweet mother
My beautiful mother
My loving mother
My real goddess
My ever goodness
My first lady I loved
My life my mother
My soul my mother
My God-gift my mother
My pride my mother
My aim my mother
My teacher my mother
My friend my mother
My preacher my mother
O the Absolute Almighty
Give me my mother
Again and again
And again and again
My mother
Only my mother.

Thank you, I love you Mom

Love, Your first born Daughter!

MY MOTHER – HBBD

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Who sat and watched my infant head
When sleeping on my cradle bed,
And tears of sweet affection shed?
My Mother.

When pain and sickness made me cry,
Who gazed upon my heavy eye,
And wept for fear that I should die?
My Mother.

Who taught my infant lips to pray
And love God’s holy book and day,
And walk in wisdom’s pleasant way?
My Mother.

And can I ever cease to be
Affectionate and kind to thee,
Who wast so very kind to me,
My Mother?

Ah, no! the thought I cannot bear,
And if God please my life to spare
I hope I shall reward they care,
My Mother.

When thou art feeble, old and grey,
My healthy arm shall be thy stay,
And I will soothe thy pains away,
My Mother.
Ann Taylor

AIESEC-ILORIN Press Release

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AIESEC is a renowened world wide student run organization present in over 113 countries and territories with over 86000 members. Focused on providing a platform for leadership development, the organization is based on opening avenues for youths all over the world, opportunities that are endless and beneficial to the total development of the essence of one’s being. AIESEC offers young people the opportunity to be global citizens to change the world and to get experiences that matter in the world today. AIESEC is interested in leadership management and world issues.

With a fast growing base in major cities of Nigeria viz Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt and Kano to mention a few, AIESEC in Ilorin gives students the opportunity to be part of this organization that provides members with opportunities to travel while studying, exploring cultural differences, work opportunities and gainful international experiences in its partner countries.

AIESEC also helps improve the totality of the youth by presenting avenues to improve himself by going through practical team experiences, expanding networks, acquiring skills and gaining competencies AIESEC has global partners that include DHL, TATA and Alcatel-Lucent, Its national partnership boasts of Unilever and Opera software to mention a few.

This year AIESEC ILORIN is recruiting again, forms are limited and fast selling. Forms close on the 30th of November 2012 and interviews commence of the 5th of December 2012 till the 6th of December 2012.

For new and potential members, an information seminar has been slated for Wednesday, 14th November 2012 at 4pm, Lecture theatre IV on the main campus of the University of Ilorin.

For more details, Please call, AbdulWahab Oloko on 08162014268 Or apply here: http://bit.ly/AIESEC2012Recruitment Forms are available at Kiosk 5 and Law Restaurant both on the main campus of the University of Ilorin.

Follow AIESEC Ilorin on Twitter: @AIESECILORIN

Kind Regards,

Lolu Shomuyiwa Publicist,

AIESEC ILORIN Local Community.

Lolu.shomuyiwa@aiesec.net

@LoluSho

08167825450

#wonder what got me here? well, AIESEC is a part. 😀

my beloved goddaughter

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Oh dear,

How i love you so much,

before i knew you would ever exist, i had kept a space specially for you.

“hi dear?” i have something to discuss with you” she said,

oh really?, what is it because I’m quite busy.

I’m pregnant! x_x .

WOW! :]x

that’s all i said till the next day.

she sent me a long message of how i didn’t care about what she said,

still, i said nothing.

she means so much to me and I know she told me first,

she told me because she wanted me to be a part of the decision process,

she told me because she was afraid.

Two days after the first conversation.

I SAID: we wi;l be having a baby in 8/9 months time?

“I don’t know” she said.

days and weeks pasts and I could see you grow.

we watched you grow, day by day,

week by week, month by month.

the first scan was made and you were so cute,

so much of a miracle than wonder.

never saw the sperm tho =))

but seeing how you change every month was amazing.

your mum did every and anything she heard was good for you.

seven months down the line, it was time for shopping.

the economy wasnt a factor, she got you everything you need.

i didnt carry you but i was more afraid at the way she jugled herself round the streets of lagos.

your mother is strong, she is beautiful and she loves you.

everytime i left her alone, she was found rubbing you from outside and speaking to you.

she would talk and smile, because you always responded with a KICK!

smiles! smiles!! smiles!!!

its a girl!!!

that was the message i got next. she went for the last sonogram.

how many of them? i said.

“lol, just one sweet girl my dear”

joy filled my heart because i know dep within that you will be loved.

right then and there, you were named: ATINUKE (loved from within).

At about every day, i wish i could feel your kick but i was far away, but every chance i got,

you kicked at the sound of my voice,

you loved me too *winks*.

many and all were eager for your arrival, questions here and there as to when you should be expected,

many couldnt wait because you will be beautiful,

many couldnt wait because you will be fair,

many couldnt wait because you will be great,

many couldnt wait, just to hold you,

many couldnt wait because you are a symbol of the sun.

you were called upon by a shower,

so wonderful, chick and sweet,

music, food, dance and pictures,

colourful and bright,

just as you wished.

********************************************************************************************

one week later,

1-11-12 1:20pm,

you cried to the world,

neither me nor your father can explain the pain you caused your mother,

because even she cant explain,

for all that lingers is the joy you brought us all.

SIMISOLA ATINUKE IRET OLUWA,

you were called until today,

when you shall be officially named.

i look forward to seeing you cry for boobies, (you did already)

i look forward to you crawling,

i look forward to you reaching for heavy objects,

i look forward to you calling mama,

i look forward to you calling papa,

i look forward to hear aunty mimi from you to me *smiles*,

i look forward to you growing,

i look forward to taking you to the mosques,

i look forward to teching you alot of things,

i look forward to your first birthday,

i look forward to your fifth, sixteenth, twentieth birthday,

i look forward to the first date, where i would sit in the corner peerping at you and the lucky guy,

i look forward to alot of days with and for you,

i look forward to play dates with you, your siblings and my kids,

i look forward to saying goodbye to the world and im rest assured you will pay last respects to my soul,

along side my kids.

****************************************************************************************************

welcome to the world,

LAILA SIMISOLA ABEKE TEMITOPE FOLAJOMI AYOBAMI ATINUKE

OMODESIRE MOTUNRAYO OLABISI TEMILOLA

DISU

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people in the corner

Iron Buzz

I work for the people we all pretend not to see. Most of my clients have pretty severe, obvious disabilities and the looks that people give (or try painfully and obviously hard NOT to give) are constant. The stares are very rarely hurtful, but the “I’m pretending to look at something else just over your shoulder but it’s not you” look. That’s the one that hurts. It’s never even directed at me. It hurts for the people I care about. It hurts because they’re PEOPLE.

Since I work in their homes, often times I’m in the worst of the bad neighborhoods. Public housing sure is a popular whipping post for America, but it sure is terrible. The streets around those areas are quieter than you might think, but they’re always off of a road that intersects another road and on those corners are men and women with signs saying “Anything…

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insha’Allah

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cant wait for mine…

scrawnygirl

 

I  was looking for a simple, cheap, and cute thank you for the girls at work who were throwing me a baby shower. I wanted something useful/yummy that they could take home with them. I usually bake cookies, but lately I’ve been really short on time, and who doesn’t like chocolate?! I saw this idea over at The New Domestic. Their version is kinda fancier, but I like my simple version using things I had on hand. I used things I already had on hand and only had to buy the chocolate bars. Look through your supplies and be creative!

Supplies:

  • scrapbook paper (fabric would be cute too)
  • clear tape (you could try glue, but I didn’t want to wait for it to dry)
  • marker (stickers would be cute)
  • paper doilies (you could also use ribbon, yarn, washi tape, stickers…)
  • something to cut with
  • chocolate bars wrapped in…

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for a cause… and applause…

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Six a.m on my bed,

I check my phone, click on messages and notifications.

A ping comes in. “hey whatsup with you?” he says.

“Oh, im cool and you.”

“That’s nice,” he says. Doesn’t know the details, but knows im fine.

Your blog has been nominated in two categories you know?

“oh really?, where?”

on nigerian bloggers award.

FOR BEST WRITING BLOG AND BEST PERSONAL BLOG

Each day starts with blogging. More than writing posts, I read, like, comment. reply.

Sometimes, one comment, sometimes back and forth. It takes time for me and them.

I don’t click “like” unless I’ve read the post. And I”d rather go to their website to click. It raises their hits.

I’ll write a poem, post a quote, compose an essay. Then go to my files. find the right shot, upload that.

Not on a daily, trying not to overload my readers with too many posts.

I had no clue how much I’d enjoy a community of creatives. Writers, poets, artists, humorists, explorers of their inner and outer worlds.

Social media? Yes, but not like Facebook and not like Twitter.

Blogging is people taking the time to write or photograph or paint their lives, their loves, their passions.

It’s people finding others who share these lives, loves, passions.

Or, learning about lives different from their own. My own.

It’s richness in a smaller world. A world that will never be the same for me since I started my blog.

SO CLICK AND VOTE NOW, YOU ALL DESERVE IT AND GOT M’ADE HERE, THIS IS AIMED AT INCREASING INSIGHTS AND VIEWS OF OUR READERS!

Have a Wonderful Wednesday!!!

inspired by: largeself.

FASHION OF THE DAY

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I got attracted to this picture mix because of the colours involved. i loooveeee white especially when mixed with my next favourite colour red. i love the simple accessorizing and how chick she looks. although i think the back is too low for a daylight outing but like they say: fashion is comfort. if shes okay with it, why not.

have a great day!

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