It’s a story as old as time…you meet a great guy, have a “perfect” first date, and then you never hear from him again. Some girls spend weeks waiting by the phone and agonizing over what possibly could have caused him to forget their 90 minutes of awesomeness. So I decided that the most efficient way to dust off this cold-case file and crack this age-old mystery would be to go straight to the source of confusion and mercilessly grill a man for answers. My friend Stephen, offered to martyr himself for this cause, and contributed the article below even though i didnt tell him.

So let’s break down the Top 10 thoughts of what us males are thinking and the reasons behind it.

1.You Look NOTHING Like Your Online Dating Profile

Fellas, if the girl has some funky ass “twitter” or bbm angle in her profile picture or if it’s dated: turn and run. There is usually a very real reason why the picture is from different angles, dated or overloaded with silly photo effects. Not trying to be mean here but if you’re guilty of the “twitter” pose, that’s false advertising. And guys, don’t think you’re getting off scot free on this, I’ve seen my fair share of guys posing from different angles, or taken in the mirror. You look stupid fellas, show your personality not your biceps. Either way, for both sexes, look at it like this – If we were standing in line somewhere, let’s say at a store, and we made eye-contact and you didn’t find yourself sexually attracted to me, would you be inclined to start a conversation with me and give me your number at the end of our chat? Odds are on probably not. So if you opt for the online dating option, make sure you update your profile picture and that it looks like you!

2.Blah Blah Blah

Cell phones and females go hand in hand. But if you’re out on a first date, set your phone on vibrate. There is NOTHING more annoying than being in the middle of dinner and your phone goes off…followed by you answering it and talking to your girlfriend about meaningless shit that can wait. We like the attention that being out with you gives us and it generally pisses us off and leads to observing you in a different light if you are on the phone constantly during the date.

3.”Am I Paying For Dinner Or Your Services?”

Ladies, us guys understand that you’re blessed with certain “assets” that us males are not. Don’t get me wrong, we appreciate the eye-candy, but if we are looking for a potential relationship with you, there is nothing that will make me high-tail it outta there faster than if you show up with those “assets” hanging out on full display and you are blatantly checking out other guys in the venue. I realize I have probably broken Man-Law here by telling you lovely ladies to cover up, especially on the first date, but we want respectable girls, not the ones that are looked at as “red-light” quality. Now we aren’t asking that you show up in a hoodie and covered up like you’re in the arctic. There ARE other options that you can rock without looking like you should be swinging off of a pole. Think about it girls, would you like to meet a guy for the first date and he shows up in a shirt unbuttoned to his bare stomach and seemingly painted on pants? Doesn’t seem too classy does it?

4. The Lion King Soundtrack Theory

If we are out for dinner and it looks like you’re humming the words of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” in your head, I’m looking for ANY excuse to end that date IMMEDIATELY. I’ve said this numerous times in the past, I KNOW I’m not the best looking guy in the world, but I do realize that some women out there find me good-looking or borderline Fabio-eqse (minus the gloriously epic flowing mane and accent), but if we are in conversation and I notice your eyes glaze over and you “fall into a trance” looking at me, that just fires up red flag rockets left right and centre. Yes, it’s nice to feel attractive, but if you’re already imagining a life together after the first date; don’t expect a phone call.

5. Did You Just…

We realize that ladies try their hardest to act like ladies all the time. But nothing kills the first date mood than “accidentally letting one go” that is audible enough to echo in the Grand Canyon. This should obviously go without saying and we realize that accidents do happen. But if possible, please try and excuse yourself from our conversation and do your business somewhere else. Guys, this goes for you too… You may laugh at this…but I’ve actually had this happen to me during a first date.

6. I’m Feeling It

Guys are not mind readers. When we go out on a first date with a girl, we are nervous. We may fake it and act all cool about it, but deep down we feel like we are on egg-shells. “Does she like me?”, “Did I say something stupid?”, and “What is she thinking?” bombards our thought process constantly like the little devil sitting on our shoulder. If we are not getting any obvious signs that you’re interested, we probably won’t call you. Guys hate/fear rejection just like girls do. That being said, I’ve had my fair share of girls call me a couple days after our date and just verbally BLAST me because I neglected to call them, and they felt that I was “leading them on”. Well to those girls as well as the ones reading right now; if you are interested in the guy, show it.

7. I’m Not Feeling It

I really can’t break this one down any further. I am sure this goes both-ways without saying. If I am “not feeling it”, I will not lead you on, and you will know that it just isn’t happening for me. I would only hope that you have the same courtesy to do that to me instead of leading me on.

8. Red-Flags

I’m writing this post from the “guy looking for a relationship” perspective. If I was writing this from the perspective of guys just looking for a “one night stand” this point would be drastically different as we wouldn’t be AS picky. During the course of the date, us guys are trying to pin-point certain traits or aspects we find unattractive, or the aforementioned “red-flag.” Statistically, it is a scientific fact that most people exaggerate on the first date to make themselves look more impressive to the other person. Don’t know why we do this, it just happens. So if the “red-flag” flies like it’s at a football game, it’s time to move on. Which leads me to point number 9 as it is one of the most common “bullshit” lines you’ll hear during the first date.

9. The 3rd Element

Again, I’m going to be breaking “Man-Law” on this one, but it is a general rule of thumb (sometimes), that if a girl tells you how many men she’s been with, you multiply it by 3. Yes, I realize that there might be multiple different break downs of the formula or other numbers to multiply her number by, but always remember you can’t go wrong with 3. Why am I telling you this? Because when I am looking for a relationship with a girl, I don’t want to know how many men you slept with (even though I do). Does this make sense to you ladies? If not, then my work here is done.

And Finally… The Most Controversial Of Them All….

10. There Was a Game on TV and We Forgot

To all the women who are wondering why a guy never called them back, I have just one piece of advice: FORGET ABOUT IT. There is a reason (be it good/bad or otherwise) why the guy didn’t call you back. Maybe he didn’t like you, maybe he did like you and is too shy to call you back, and maybe he lost his cell phone that had your number in it. Whatever the reason; he isn’t calling you back. Get over it and move on. There are WAY too many proverbial fish in the sea to get all worried and bent out of shape because a guy didn’t call you back. I can’t even begin to count how many women in my life haven’t called me back. It’s just the name of the dating game and the nature of the beast. Cry yourself a river then build a bridge and get over it.

Until Next Time…

THIS IS MEAN…… Stephen you’re mean, but my dear girls, we still got our grills let’s keep it up! :Δ

My saturday is so sweet, how’s your?

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